Pantastic, What the fuck is your problem?

I am so fucking confused by our exchanges in this thread about personality disorders, I don’t know where to start. Let’s start here: Know that in my 9 years posting on this board, I have only pitted another poster once, and that was our 1850s ‘‘black people were happier on plantations’’ racist New Deal Democrat. But nothing - and I mean *nothing *- will get you on my shit list faster that implying I’m like my mother just because I happen to disagree with you.

Why you felt the need to ruin the supportive tone of this thread with gross mischaracterizations of my statements and repeated personal attacks against me, I cannot fathom, but let me make one thing clear:

I am not pitting you because I disagree with you about what constitutes ‘stigma’ against people with Borderline Personality Disorder. That’s a perfectly valid academic discussion, it’s one I’ve had on this board, in a civil and reasonable way, countless times, and I fully acknowledge my view is not a popular one. Hell, I’ll even acknowledge the view is so unpopular, the onus is on me to support it, and maybe I didn’t do as good a job supporting it as I should have.

But generally speaking, you can believe whatever the fuck you want to believe, I’ll do my best to inform your opinion if I think it’s wrong, you’ll do the same for me and I have consistently demonstrated a willingness to consider new evidence in my analysis of any issue, no matter how emotionally charged it is for me personally. One thing I truly love about this board is the ability to have civil conversations about such things, and to learn new things.

But let’s be very, very clear about what happened here. I civilly disagreed with you about a thing. I asserted that a particular view espoused by a particular psychologist is stigmatizing and inaccurate, you said nuh-huh, I explained why I disagree, and even included an illustrative example from my own life to explain why I felt as strongly as I do.

You responded to that assertion with insulting, mischaracterizing bullshit.

I quoted from the motherfucking Harvard Review of Psychiatry in an attempt to reframe the discussion as one based on evidence, and told you that your personal insults were out of line.

You responded with more insulting, mischaracterizing bullshit, again implying I have a personality disorder or an abusive personality.

You obviously ignored the vast majority of my posts in that thread (since you lectured me almost verbatim with facts that I’d already provided upthread), therefore I have to assume you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. If you think civil disagreement on an internet message board is anywhere in the realm of abusive behavior, you’re luckier than me. I was raised by a woman who threatened to shoot me in the face with a shotgun, allowed her husband to molest me, routinely punched holes in my walls, hit me in the head so many times my neurologist theorizes this is why I have epilepsy, and who generally made my life a living hell for 33 years.

That you would deign to compare me to the woman who did this to me in a thread in which I described the experience as very painful is beyond my ability to comprehend.
Since you attempted, for no obvious reason, to use my most painful life experiences against me to prove whatever self-righteous point you’re trying to make, I have to assume you are one of the most unfeeling, callous, disrespectful people I have ever had the displeasure to encounter.

I’ve spent my entire life dedicated to understanding what made my mother the way she is and striving to not be that way. I have always sought to take responsibility for my actions and to be fair and reasonable in all of my relationships. In order to make sure I was being fair given how emotionally charged this subject is, I ran that thread by like ten people whose judgment I trust to ensure you really are acting like a total asshole. All signs point to YES.

I am no longer interested in a civil conversation with you. You can take what you think you know about me and shove it up your ass.

Agreed. I don’t know enough to have an opinion on the central question of debate, but Pantastic, that was a low fuckin blow, and the best defense I can think of for you was that you were casually assholing without thinking about what you were doing. A sincere apology is in order.

Spice Weasel, my ex-wife was unmedicated bipolar for the majority of our time together. She also had the occasional psychotic episode, substance abuse issues, and was diagnosed as having “probable” BPD.

My mom was unmedicated bipolar who, on more than one occasion, told me that she wished she would have aborted me. A few years ago, for Christmas, my older brother received a very nice watch from her (price tag of about $250, as I understand). My little brother received a similar watch.

I got a set of Spiderman sheets.

My point is that, to some extent, I grew up in a minefield, just like you did. I’m well aware of how difficult and painful it can be to experience something like that.

Pantastic’s comments were uncalled for. You were able to articulate something that I’ve been trying to say for years.

Thank you for that, and don’t let Pan’s negativity impact you.

I’m just here to express my utter shock that SpiceWeasel is pitting someone. They would have to be behaving like a completely unmitigated ass to gather that kind of attention.

Spice Weasel is one of my most valued posters on the boards. Her horrific childhood and her personal struggle to overcome it is inspirational reading. Comparing her to the person who caused that childhood trauma is utterly heartless and unfounded.

Spice Weasel, I’m sorry that I responded angrily and hurt your feelings. I still can’t look at what you wrote and see it as you’re describing it here, but with so many people responding like they are I think I can’t be right in my perception. I think the combination of the topic and something in your style of writing is triggering an emotional response in me like I’m in an argument with my ex- who had BPD. I can’t just read and respond calmly or even go into the online argument ‘argue angrily for a post, then laugh and move on’ mode, I get angry at what you wrote and ready to tear it to pieces. I don’t think you’re doing something wrong, I think this is just my issue, and I didn’t even realize how outrageously I was responding until I tried to really analyze it.

I’m going to drop off discussing with you in that thread because I don’t think I can respond to you without getting angry, and it’s not good for me and not fair to you. I’m not even sure that we actually disagree on the topic.

An utterly reasonable and fair response. I know this is an emotionally charged issue and sometimes it’s hard not to get caught up in old trauma. I appreciate your apology. While I understand your need to step away now, I do hope we can learn from one another in the future.

[Folds up lawn chair and throws away popcorn.]

Well, that was disappointing. :slight_smile:

I know I degrade the quality of the Pit, but sometimes I can’t help it.

Pantastic isn’t helping, what with all her reasonableness.

ETA: And thanks everybody for your kind words.

It seemed like you two were just talking past each other. Glad it’s all worked out. We need a Pit Lite for this kind of thing, this is no place for reasonable people.

Crappy pit but the Pollyanna in me is glad things worked out. Spice Weasel, I don’t say anything because I never have anything constructive to add but I’ve admired the courage you’ve had to rise above how you were raised and the constant struggle it’s taken to understand yourself and making your life better.

Pantastic, the very best of luck to you, too.

I like the suggestion of a Pit Lite. I make more nice-nice posts here than anywhere else. :rolleyes:

I know, right? This must be against the Pit rules. I need to consult with Miller.

Perhaps some of our more trollish and argumentative posters could learn something here.

Nah, who am I kidding.

We did it SMDB!

There will be plenty of more dramatic pittings. I kinda like this outcome.

And now I’m all worried about her.

Shameful stuff, here, folks.