Panty Thief?

In My Humble Opinion
1

OK, this is a relatively serious thread. Jokes are fine, but I really want to know if I should be worried.

My SO and I have 2 houses for convenience and property tax’s sake. It’s probably the main reason we haven’t married. I share custody of my kiddos (SO’s not the dad). SO is a petroleum engineer and on projects a lot so I stay at my house when I don’t have the kids. My house is relatively small, but near downtown where I work.

I am a girl, I like pretty underwear/panties whatever your preferred term is. About every 6 months or so, I buy about 20 pair from Victoria’s Secret and stash about half of them at my house.

The problem–I now can only find 4 pair when there should be about 30? I am aware of the issue with socks and the dryer, but this is ridiculous.

My neighborhood is very peaceful. We have block parties, a block captain and his wife that watch over my house like crazy. There is only one slightly weird guy on the block and he’s just odd and lonely. It’s a neighborhood where you could leave your doors unlocked if you wanted to, but I choose not to unless I forget. I’ve been known to leave windows open while out. However, if at SO’s, I lock everything at my house and set the alarm. I don’t use the alarm when I stay there. I have two large dogs and several guns that I know how to use and will if necessary. The neighbors all know this and my knickname is “Annie Oakley.”

So, where the hell are my panties? I searched the backyard to see if the dogs lined their dogloos with them. I looked in the dryer vent and behind the dryer. I spoke to my once-every-two-weeks cleaning lady and there is no sign.

I am actually seriously concerned. Is someone stealing them? We’re talking about over 20 pairs in a small house.

Obvious answers are set the alarm all the time, make sure your windows are closed etc., but that’s why I keep this house. It’s like living in semi-rural 1980’s in the middle of a big city. We have free range children and deliver bake goods to anyone new to the area.

Any ideas about where the hell they could be? Anyone want to tell me my fears are justified or not? I need honest opionions. BTW, I asked SO if he did anything with the underwear and he said “no.” I played it off as a joke so he doesn’t fret…yet.

2

Well, a few years ago someone entered our empty house, which had accidentally been left unlocked, and helped himself to a pair of my husband’s boots. Nothing else was taken, although there were enough other odd things, like items moved out of their normal places, that it was obvious to us that someone had been in the house. It was a one-time incident involving a person not taking his medication.

Might you call the police department and ask if anyone else had reported household items missing?

3

I worked with someone that called the police on another employee for stalking. He ended up being the area panty burglar too. This doesn’t mean somebody and not an animal is stealing them, but you shouldn’t rule out a deviant panty thief.

4

How sure are you it’s not one of the kids (for anyone one of a number of reasons that we really don’t have to get into in this thread)?

5

When I stay at my house, the kids aren’t there. SO’s house is the family house when we have the kiddos. And, for that matter, SO and I choose to stay at his house when we’re together with or without children and the panties there seem to remain at a slightly normal constant.

I don’t want to call the police if I can help it. I don’t necessarily feel scared and would certainly opt for a rational explanation. BTW, my lab was prone to stealing baby daddy’s socks. We had no idea until we cleaned out her dog house and found like 10 socks. That’s why the backyard and dogloos were searched.

6

A human panty thief is certainly one possibility, and I can’t see any way to rule it out. But there are a lot of other possibilities, too:

-The dogs are stealing them and hiding them somewhere other than where they were hiding the socks (maybe burying them in holes in the backyard)

-You’re accidentally kicking them under the bed sometimes when you get undressed

-You’re inadvertently transferring them to the other house (say, wearing a pair when you go over to the other house, throwing them in the laundry there, and then that pair ending up in the other house’s supply)

-They’re falling apart in the washing machine or dryer, or just getting left in there

-If your kids ever go inside that house (not necessarily staying long), they might be taking them

-They’re getting caught in the legs/sleeves of other garments in the laundry, and getting put away with them without you noticing

7

Are you accidentally buying edible panties and then tossing them in the washing machine?

8

Chronos:

I don’t discount any of those theories, but really those are what I have been using to discount any other possibility. The house is cleaned all the time, the last time a pair slipped to my dry cleaners they cleaned them and pinned them to a hanger (shame), the dogs don’t really dig and it would be noticeable, and the underwear are identifiable such that I don’t think too many could be switched from house to house. Also, we’re talking about 30 pair conservatively.

But still, your options are possibilities, just not likely at this point. :frowning:

9

Wait- you go through 40 pairs of panties a year? Are they disposable?

10

You know, I don’t know where the hell my panties are either, and I KNOW I don’t have a panty thief. I just figure somehow the house eats them.

11

No, I’m fickle. And monthly issues kill at least one pair per month.

Zsofia I figure the house eats some of them–certainly most of my socks are claimed. I am reaching critical denial mode though. Something is happening.

12

Do you have a doggie door? Maybe a raccoon or something is coming in and taking them.

Set up a webcam!

13

Where do you do your laundry for dirty clothes accumulated at your smaller house? At a laundro-mat, or in the house?

And yes there are panty thieves. All kinds of fetishes out there.

14

I like the webcam idea. Hook it up to a motion detector. Then put it on Youtube for all of us.

15

No doggie door Rebo we never could figure out how the lab got the socks outside, but think it might have involved the dryer vent which has been inspected.

The webcam sounds exciting, but sometimes it’s a week or two before anyone is in the house. May do it anyway on a motion sensor dealy to see what the hell is happening, but slightly afraid I’ll catch the cleaning lady doing something embarrassing and I love her and trust her implicitly.

Laundry for that house is done at that house, and I only have one dry cleaner. These are relatively identifiable–only have one pair of white ones with “Pink” on the ass, one hiphugger pair that is white with blue seams, etc… I enjoy stupid juvenile panties, what can I say?

16

Maybe they are getting squirreled away a little at a time. The house eats some, the dryer eats some more, you take some to your SO’s place without realizing it. But in the interim, I agree that a motion sensored webcam sounds like a good starting place.

17

Ok. I have a feeling they are in the dryer vent.

Get one of those laundry bags for delicates.

18

15-20 pairs?

Probably more likely that you’ve got a neighbor with a fetish that knows when you’re not there.

19

I have lots of single socks with no mates. Perhaps we have a sock thief?

20

Is there anyone who visits your house besides you and your SO? A neighbour/friend/family member/utility person/etc?