I understand the guest’s frustration - Now we have to find a babysitter, and still get a gift! - but I’d respect the wishes of the bride and groom. I’ve been to weddings recently where my 6 year old niece could not stop talking throughout the ceremony. Her mom is so used to her, that I don’t really think she noticed her kids blabbing, but it drove me up a wall.
I remember enjoying weddings and other banquet type parties as a kid, given there was a cohort of children I could mingle with.
Weddings among my family and friends tend to include children, but I’d be happy to attend a no kids wedding with my wife, if only to get some time off from the kids and have some time to ourselves.
I wasn’t planning on sending a gift, in a case such as that.
Just about every wedding I ever attended was for family and kids were never excluded, but when my daughter was young, I absolutely would never take her somewhere without verifying that she was welcome. And I’d always phrase it so the host wasn’t put on the spot (“Should I get a sitter or are kids included?”) Maybe it’s because when I was a kid, there were adult events and there were family events, and kids didn’t belong at adult events. Frankly, I think more kids should be aware that adults have their own lives and interests that don’t involve young 'uns.
Anyway, I’d find a sitter and enjoy some child-free socializing.
For those interested in 1950s etiquette, here’s a source:
It seems to contemplate, as a matter of course, the inclusion of children at even “formal” weddings:
There is one scenario in which certain children are excluded - it is not, however, one that modern people are likely to contemplate (and it is was considered better to basically limit the wedding to witnessess rather than actually exclude the children):
Well yeah, definitely their party, their rules. My response, if I don’t like their rules, is no go, no gift.
And if someone is going to do their wedding, their rules, with rules that exclude some of their relatives just because they’re underage, my attitude is that they’re a couple of narcissistic pricks.
I’m not going to a wedding if I have to take my kids.
There are some people whose weddings I’d attend with my husband no matter what I had to do in terms of finding a babysitter. Of course, those people tend to be close enough friends that I’m also friends with all their friends. In the one case I’ve dealt with of a close friend, a bunch of us kind of “pooled” our kids and hired several babysitters at once, aided by another friend who lived in the area.
There are other people whom I really like but maybe not quite that much. For my college roommate’s wedding, I left my husband with the kiddo and drove ~3 hours to the wedding and back. Win-win: I got to see my friend’s wedding, he didn’t have to spend time with a bunch of people he didn’t really know, and friend got to have a super-stylish wedding without kids (and with one less person on the catering list).
Are we talking about the wedding ceremony, or reception? IMO, ceremonies held in public (including and especially in a church) should be open to anyone and everyone with or without an invite. It’s supposed to be a public declaration of love and commitment. I’d want to bring my kids. If I was asked not to I’d probably abide by the couple’s wishes but I’d be annoyed.
The reception is different, and I would never bring the kids uninvited. Whether or not I attended myself would probably depend on who was getting married, and the time and location. If we’ll just be gone for the evening, sure that’s a fun date. I wouldn’t want to go out of town and leave the kids with someone though.
Kids tend to have a blast at weddings, more than I do anyway.
However, I’m not offended by a “no kids” invite.
Our wedding was without kids, with a few exceptions for my nephew who was a ring bearer and one child who was less than month old. Except for the ring bearer and his sister, none of our relatives have small children. We invited all the young adults and most were in the wedding party.
Our friends with young children were told that they weren’t invited and no one seemed to have a problem; they all attended. It simply wasn’t an evening intended for children and they probably wouldn’t have had a good time anyway.
We had a “no kids” wedding that didn’t work out, because people, it seems will do what they want. We did it because we didn’t want to go to the trouble and expense of having a babysitter (we got one anyway) in the childcare room, and a kids’ menu for the caterer. We left the problem of what kids would eat out of what was served to the parents.
Now, what we wanted really was a no little kids ceremony. We were fine with a mature 8-year-old, and we had several 10-year-olds and teenagers. We didn’t want toddlers running around knocking things over and sticking their fingers in the cake, or four-year-olds sampling people left-out drinks. They just aren’t old enough to know how to behave. Children old enough to know better, and who individually did know better, we were fine with. We just didn’t want to babyproof the space, and look out for the children of people who didn’t do so themselves, at our wedding, when we had our minds on other things.
I wouldn’t take my eight-year-old to a “no kids” wedding, even though he is a pretty calm and polite kid, but if he were ten, I might call and ask what the definition of “kid” was. If it was “under 13,” I wouldn’t argue, I’d accept it, because I wouldn’t want to bring him, then cause a problem because someone else’s 12-year-old delinquent was excluded. For all I know, kids are excluded, because the space is small, and they are looking for a way to pare down the list.
IME, the kind of people who ignore “no kids” on an invitation are the same kind of people who fail to supervise their children adequately, but again, IME.
I wouldn’t be offended, though I’d think it was a little odd–that’s an uncommon practice around here. My kids don’t need a babysitter anymore, but I picked the option where I would make every effort to go.
(IRL, my kids wind up helping set everything up, my husband begs not to be forced to go to the reception unless they’re practically family, and I end up going with a kid or so. A few months ago, my 11yo and I actually wound up in the kitchen for the whole reception, having been called in on an emergency basis to help get things set up. There was so much to do that we never did get home to change into nice clothes, and just hid and did food while the party happened.)
I’m with you.
I got invited to my college buddy’s wedding and my wife said “is the kid invited?” I said “I don’t care, he’s staying home!” We don’t get adult time nearly often enough, and an event where the kid’s going to be bored and I’m going to have a nice time is reason enough to get Grammy to watch him for the night.
if the wedding were out of town in an interesting place, and people with kids are invited, I’d go if the hosts supplied baby sitting. Otherwise no. In town I’d get a baby sitter. No one wins if kids go to a wedding meant for adults - the guests or the kids. And not inviting kids to a night wedding with booze is a perfectly valid choice.
Some friends of ours hired a couple of local teenagers to ride herd on the kiddies in an activity room at the reception venue. They provide kid-appropriate food and activities, and the kids didn’t have to be bored at the grown-up party.
If it’s a wedding of someone in the family, I’d be upset kids aren’t invited. Weddings are family events and whole families should be invited. I’d find out what the rest of my extended family was doing and follow along, but certainly advocate kids come.
If it’s a wedding of a friend, it’s their wedding, they can decide. I’d still think it’s odd not to invite kids.
Of course, the wedding ceremony and the wedding reception are usually distinct events. The last wedding we went to, the kids came to the ceremony, but went to the babysitter for the reception. They liked it because they got to see the main event and then skip the “boring” part of adults eating, talking, etc.
I suppose there’s similar questions concerning baptisms and bar mitzvahs.
There are quite a few people that I like well enough that I would enjoy attending their wedding, but not so much that I’d be willing to pay a sitter $50+ in order to go. It’s not that I am offended that my kid wasn’t invited or anything like that, it’s just that I am sorta poor and really cheap.
I also didn’t have a wedding myself (went down to the courthouse) because I was really poor and really cheap at that point.
No actual kids here…
But I would respect the wishes of the wedding party and do my best to get there, assuming that I really did want to go to the wedding.
I don’t see anything wrong with asking kids not to come. If your dream wedding is a serious, adults-oriented affair, then it’s your right to do that.
Or the venue is “adults only”. Or they can’t afford to include everyone. But hey, your loss. I’m sure they won’t miss you. :rolleyes:
I’ve been to both kinds of weddings. I’ve even attended weddings as a kid. Their wedding, their choice.
(Since when though do kids get bored at wedding receptions? I’ve never seen a kid get bored at a wedding. Kids like dancing and food.)
Note: I have no kids. But to me, this is just common sense.