I wouldn’t be offended and would certainly respect their wishes, but I might be a little judgey. I come from a culture where weddings are family events, and I can’t really make a lot of sense of the idea of an “elegant, adult wedding,” especially if it’s a big and expensive one.
Whether I go or not depends on logistics, and “no kids” definitely makes that harder to arrange. In town it would probably work, out of town it probably wouldn’t.
When my kids were little, I would have gone nuts if I had to bring them to every social occasion. I love my children, but the umbilical cord has to stretch a bit further than that.
If someone else from in town is going, by all means share a baby-sitter. But for heaven’s sake…
[QUOTE=RivkahChaya]
We had a “no kids” wedding that didn’t work out, because people, it seems will do what they want.
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That’s why we have rules of etiquette - to tell you what to do when you can’t do what you want. There are Things One Does Not Do, and bringing an uninvited guest to a party without getting the host’s permission first is four or five of them. My mother would be appalled. She would grit her teeth and not say anything, but she would be appalled.
She gets appalled a lot nowadays.
Regards,
Shodan
This.
I think this is also so, so, so, so regional and cultural. I remember being a little kid and being excited about when I would finally be grown up enough to go to a wedding. Weddings were very adults-only. And I come from an extended family with a lot of kids my age (well, now they are middle-aged people my age) and there were plenty of family activities at which kids were expected, but weddings were not one of them.
I hope people aren’t offended, insulted, or horrified by weddings with no children – it is really simply the norm for some people and they aren’t doing to it be rude to you.
I would make an effort to find a babysitter and then go. I see that’s by far the majority choice.
If somehow we couldn’t find a babysitter, I would send polite regrets.
I have to say that most weddings I’ve been invited to lately have included kids, and they usually have a good time.
ETA: It really might be cultural. In my family it would be unheard of not to invite the family kids – the main purpose of a wedding is for the family to get together, after all!
Or maybe somebody ELSE in the family is a narcissistic prick and the wedding party wants to head off problems.
“Oh my poor little precious absolutely CANNOT be sent away to the ‘kid’s room’; he needs to be with the grownups. Don’t you DARE tell my little precious that he should behave and not spill food on people. My little precious has every right to scream at the top of his lungs while they are reciting the vows. Ooohh, did my poor little precious get hurt when he ran full-tilt into great-granny on her walker and knocked her to the floor?”
Sitting through a very formal and lengthy High Church ceremony while a couple of toddlers scream bloody murder for two hours straight is an entirely different sort of affair than a lively reception where all the cousins are enjoying themselves under the watchful eye of a minder.
We took the kids if it was a family member who was getting married; that was considered a family occasion as much as a Labor Day cookout and nobody in either of our families has ever requested a child-free wedding. If it was a workfriend wedding, we wouldn’t have taken them regardless of whether they were invited or not.
My option is not there -“Feel a little insulted that they didn’t trust me to understand the invitation properly”.
I have never been to a wedding with no children- but just because there are some children there doesn’t mean mine are invited, and they it may not be a matter of excluding by age. I have a large family and inviting everyone’s children would just get out of control. I’ll use my nephew’s recent wedding as an example. All of his first cousins (and his wife’s) were invited although some were under 18. All of his mother’s first cousins ( a total of 12) were invited. Those first cousins have 15 offspring among them, none of whom were invited, not even those over 18. If you invite all of those offspring ( you can’t invite only those under 18- it’s all or none) you have now added 19 people - two have SOs who would have to be invited and two have young children who would have to be invited if invitations go to families rather than couples. If the numbers are similar on his wife’s side, that’s nearly 40 extra people- without even counting any children their friends may have.
It’s a paradox - in my family, if you had to invite the children of every couple invited to the wedding, you would actually have fewer people and it would be less of a family event. Because at the point where inviting kids means 30 or 40 (or more) additional guests, only aunts and uncles and first cousins will be invited.
I voted for “send a gift and my regards” just because my son requires a LOT of attention, and I should be on hand to attend to him at most times. But If I could get one of a handful of excellent babysitters, I’d go to the wedding.
Option #1 is unthinkable. I would never bring my son to any event where I’ve been told kids aren’t welcome. If I did, I’d expect never to be invited again to any event that couple sponsors.
I understand perfecty that there are events kids shouldn’t attend. The “no kids” clause on the invitation wouldn’t hurt my feelings at all.
I’ve never been invited to a no-kids wedding since having kids, and I’m not sure whether some of the more formal weddings I went to before kids were no-kids. That said, I’d try to see each wedding as its own thing. You want your wedding child-free? Fine; if I can make it happen and if I like you and if I know enough folks there to enjoy myself, I’ll try to be there. But if it’s going to be difficult to get a sitter, or if we’re just casual acquaintances, or if I don’t know many folks there, I might decline.
This. Plan ahead, pool the babysitter & you are Set! Kids haven’t seen each other & mostly have a ball too. Bonus points if you can swing a few extra days in that city doing fun things so it can be about your kids too.
This has happened & it was a true WTF moment. You want to fall through the floor after the 3rd time you’re asked.
It has happened to me at a wedding (one were I was told LOUDLY by my parents, “They are Struggling! Money is Tight! Don’t you Dare bring another mouth to feed!!!”) as well as at…
…a funeral. :smack: :smack: :smack:
Yes, people wanted my then-toddlers milling around a casket. I bit my tongue, but what I Really wanted to ask was, “Why…? Did you want to bury them too…?” :dubious:
meh been to some with kids, without kids and well its their bloody wedding and they can have it anyway they want. I have been to formal weddings, fancy dress weddings, gay weddings, beach weddings, overseas weddings, the joy is that the COUPLE who are getting married choose what they want.
Aside from my own daughter getting married one day I can’t conceive of a wedding invitation I would accept. Whether kids are welcome or not would have no impact on the decision. Send a gift card and well wishes and be done with it.
Wow, that seems a little jaded to me, if not a little exaggerated. At the very least it seems that your response is more about the idea of being around kids in any situation; and not specific to weddings. Just because there are kids at a weeding doesn’t mean their parents are requiring them to be front and center all the time. There are a lot of parents that actually know how to control their children.
Because of course if the invitation says children are OK then you must take them with you no matter what!
I never understood the idea of a wedding where kids weren’t invited. I’m sharing my life with my friends and family. Personally speaking I’d rather have kids running around during ceremony than the idiot that got drunk at wedding and ended up ripping my wife’s wedding dress by stepping on it. :rolleyes: That being said, If I could help it, I wouldn’t have brought my kids to any event where they would be bored to death.
Didn’t vote in the poll - didn’t really care for the options. My general sentiments are that weddings are events for families to get together and children are a part of the family, so they should be included.
I went to an out of town, adults-only wedding when my kid was 5-6 months old and still breastfeeding. I was pretty physically uncomfortable by the end of the reception and the hubby and I had to sprint out of there when the inevitable explosion happened. If the bride’s parents hadn’t made the arrangements for a babysitter, we would not have gone.
In general, we’ll go to an adults only wedding that is out of town if the hosts make the babysitting arrangements. In town, we’ll go if we can find a babysitter. Fortunately, the kids are now big enough that we can leave them home alone for a few hours.
Not at all. People have all kinds of preferences and constraints. I didn’t invite kids to my wedding except my sister’s kids, since they were family. And my experience is that for many events people would prefer not to bring their kids. I know from having kids myself that instead of enjoying yourself, you end up spending the evening dealing with your kids and leaving earlier than you want to because they get tired and cranky.
You’re asking if I’d refuse on principle, and I wouldn’t. I understand that some events are child-appropriate and some aren’t. It’s not offensive to have a child-free wedding.
On a practical level, I may have to refuse. Our babysitting options are somewhat limited. I’d definitely try to arrange something, but it simply may not be possible.
You left out the “be so incensed that I not only show up with my own kids, I round up some neighborhood urchins to bring along, too” option.
That happened at our wedding.
I’m going to need more details and context about this story, please and thank you.
Not a parent (so didn’t vote), but I would be disinclined to attend, as I do indeed believe it is in poor taste. I once again run into the problem of what sorts of things you put on a formal invitation.
I’ve been to quite a few weddings, and never were the kids that were there poorly behaved. Of course you don’t bring a crying baby, but that’s a matter of etiquette, not something to be so gauche as to put in a formal invitation. It’d be like mentioning to turn off your cell phones or not to say anything when you are asked to “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
As for enjoying the wedding–that’s not why you are there. You’re there to witness the marriage. The reception is where enjoyment is an issue. And, if you want an adults-only reception, I’d expect the kids to have a kids-only reception, too. In other words, they get a babysitter.
I mean, weddings and funerals are the only time you get to see kids in those cute little suits. Why would you want to stop that?