A lot of people see the formal part as being about their own taste as much as the party part - such as writing their own vows, having the formal part at the reception venue rather than in a church, etc.
Essentially, they see the event as focused on the couple, not the family.
Now, I muself am of the generation and the view that a wedding is a celebration of family and community, not of individual taste. But clearly, for many people, the reverse is the case, and to them this reversal is a good thing. To my mind, this leads to all sorts of excesses - such as weddings being like a modern “potlatch”, in which the couple spends an enormous amount of money to demonstrate their taste - this is of course celebrated and encouraged by a whole wedding industry, and it fits with modern tastes in other ways, so no wonder it is gaining ground.
The modern notion of excluding kids is simply part and parcel of that. If you are spending possibly hundreds of thousands on a demonstration of your individual taste, celebrating you, you do not want the risk of interruptions or disruptions from children.
OTOH, if a wedding is a celebration of family and community, excluding children makes no sense.
In my opinion, the two points of view simply cannot see eye to eye, because what they think a wedding is, is simply not compatible. There is of course no point in getting upset about it, though.
Wedding invitations are more about the reception. The church part can be almost incidental. I’ve been to several weddings where people weren’t even invited to the wedding part (no mention of it on the invite), only the reception. And weddings where I didn’t go to the wedding part, on my own accord. I think at my brother’s wedding only like half the people from the reception had been at the church.
So when an invite says “no kids” it’s more about not wanting kids at your party, not so much about not wanting kids at your ceremony (where they would be bored anyway).
Gotta admit, a venue that’s ‘adults only’ is a new one to me. Where are they holding this wedding, in a strip club?
No, not my loss. My loss is when I do things I don’t want to do because of what someone else thinks I should do. And if I decide not to go for whatever reasons of my own, whether they miss me or not is immaterial. I’m not doing this to strike back at them; I’m doing this because that’s how I roll.
Well, yeah - this has already been said, and agreed to. (If you look at the poll results, exactly zero Dopers have selected the ‘bring the kids anyway’ option.) Their party and they can throw it how they want to. And my choice of whether or not to attend, for whatever reasons strike my fancy. Sounds like we concur on this point, every which way.
My family is partial to booze, so this would mean excluding kids from pretty much all family occasions, including Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. (But not opening the presents on Christmas morning.)
We might be laughing a bit too loud, but that never hurt no one.
