I don’t generally brag about my kids. Both are good kids, both fairly smart, but they’re not super geniuses. They’re characters, that’s for sure. So I usually stick to that facet of their personalities.
I’m lucky that most people I work with and with who I’m friends aren’t too braggy about their kids (though there are exceptions). What’s interesting is that the most pretentious parents in my daughter’s preschool, which is a Montessori located in a really high income area. They’re very competitive with their kids, which kinda pisses me off, so when people ask how many foreign language classes my 4 year old is in, I usually just smile and nod. With kids, 9 times out of 10, it just comes out in the wash anyway.
One my proudest moments as a parent was during the Q and A for the parents of kids about to go into the middle school. After the I don’t know what number time someone asked about what resources were available to keep their gifted child adequately challenged I got up and asked “As the parent of a kid who is definitely not gifted and who is sometimes a bit organizationally challenged, what resources do you have for kids like that? Middle School can be overwhelming.” Of course I knew the kids these parents were talking about. The one who really was gifted did not have parents who spoke up.
I don’t offer up about my kids unless it comes up or it is somehow relevant to the conversation. I feel no pressure to say good things and my complaints are in fun. My second oldest who never met a boulder in his path that he wouldn’t climb up and jump off the top of without looking first and who somehow has never been seriously hurt - yet - for example.
Someone suddenly silent about a kid he talked about all the time? I’d, in private, ask if everything was okay and respect the signals given in response about what privacy was desired versus appreciation for the concern and the chance to talk not in a public venue. Asking in front of a group of peers - bad form and best answered with “Let’s just say he’s currently taking the scenic route on his path to success and leave it at that.”
I’m afraid I’m always bragging about my kids. I don’t mean to be obnoxious (and I hope I’m not), but I’m just genuinely proud of them. Of course, that meant that when my older daughter ended up back at home after not making it into grad school on her first try or when my younger one was looking like she might just blow her chances to graduate on time in her senior year of high school, I was proud of them for non-academic things. And if one of them owned her own bar, you bet I’d be proud of that!
I certainly don’t expect my co-workers to have anything but polite interest in my kids, though. If any of them asks me about my kids, I assume that a) they’re making idle conversation and would prefer a short answer or b) there’s something they’re DYING to tell me about their kids and they want to me to ask them.
Funny. I just came from a graduation party for a high school buddy’s son. He’s going to my uni, and I actually wrote him a letter of recommendation (and his parents are convinced that got him in). Maybe, I don’t know, but I doubt it. They’re great parents though. Proud of their eldest, who probably showed up a little before they’d planned, but is a great kid.
Now I have a kindergartener and a preschooler. I think they’re awesome because they’re mine, but neither have prodigal skills in any area at this point. I’m fairly sure I didn’t either. We’re also not super activity oriented either - in my social circle of academics, it seems every parent has their kid in a sport and playing an instrument. The eldest does a martial art, and the youngest… nothing just yet.
I do see a lot of bragging on Facebook but it’s usually for worthwhile stuff. All A’s, first chair in band, etc. But at kids my age I think it’s about enjoying them. Only a few friends are really into their kids’ accomplishments, but it seems most of our conversations are about hacks to get your kids to do something they’re not doing at the moment (less whining, cleaning up their rooms, etc.).
I’m not the bragging type for my kids, but I do point out to my kids when other kids do cool things to get them thinking about their future…
It *can *be complicated. There are all sorts of reasons why as a parent you don’t really want to talk about your kids or a direct question is something to avoid. Here’s one
No one *really *wants to hear a parent share their dream is “I want to live one day longer than my child” even if that’s the truth.
(I have a special needs daughter and right now my hope is that one day the above dream morphs to something more optimistic, but again it’s not something your manager wants to hear in a career discussion.)
I generally don’t brag about my kids. They often accomplish things that they and my wife and I are very proud of, but we prefer to keep our praise of them private. If I’m among people that are boasting about their kids’ successes, I purposely remain quiet and hope that eventually my childrens’ success will become obvious through other means. That way the braggarts will think- wow, I had no idea corkboard’s kids were so good at - he never said anything about it!
I hate that it has become a competition- did you hear how good little Johnny is at math? Each child has strengths and weaknesses, and I don’t want our kids to develop a complex because they feel they can’t keep up with so-and-so in one area, even they have their own strengths that little Johnny doesn’t have.
Plus, one of my siblings has a special needs child. She has not yet exhibited advanced ability in anything, to my knowledge, and may never. I don’t want my sibling or the parents of other special needs kids in my circle to feel that they’re put on the spot because there really is nothing they can boast about regarding that child.
IF I were to brag about my daughter, it would be about her kind and accepting nature toward others. In nursery school, the teacher wrote a positive statement about each of the students and put it on the wall for Parent’s Night. My daughter’s was “A friend to all”, and I am prouder of this trait than her subsequent scholastic achievements or sports ribbons. She’s not a special needs child, but I have known many who exhibit courage, kindness, optimism and other traits that are truly brag-worthy. It doesn’t have to be all about advanced abilities.
I am not bashing you; I understand the kindness behind what you said. I just felt the need to add a comment about this.
The ultimate brag. Like the person so rich that they go out of their way to not wear anything that is a status symbol (the quality of what they have being apparent only to those who are well informed). I don’t want to brag and I sort of want you to know and be impressed by how little I care about impressing you.
There is indeed a bit of social pressure to say nice things about your kid(s). Our boys are great and, fortunately, there’s rarely any lack of nice things to say about them, but we also - esp. with family and close friends - will discuss difficulties or setbacks they might have now and then. Still, I think it’s a pretty unimaginative parent who can’t find something about which to brag.
I never thought I was bragging about my kid until it turned out that my extremely competitive and insecure sister thought I was, every time I said anything at all.
Although I never saw her kid as in any way defective (personable and socially beyond his years, he didn’t like academics and decided to become a paramedic out of high school, after which he saw the point of school and qualified himself to enroll in a college medical administration program), she desperately wanted to “brag back” about her son at the time he never remembered his homework and never changed his socks voluntarily.
I learned that merely conveying you are pleased with your kid can feel like a put down to someone who isn’t pleased with theirs.
You don’t have to have a hyperintelligent wunderchild to brag. I knew a guy who still had plenty to brag about his retarded son, e.g. going through a training program and getting a job, and we were all happy to hear his brags.
But if your kid is in jail or something, that might be a little bit more difficult.
Gawd, I wish I’d known you when I was little because, judging by other posts in various threads and forums, by now I would know every single thing in the whole universe.
I’ve got a wild hair that just makes me turn everything as awkward as possible when people start bragging about their stuff. I don’t plan for it; it just comes out. Kids, cars, 401(k)s…my tongue trips over itself.
My answer to kid inquiries fell somewhere along the lines of the bumper sticker My Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Student. Even if one of them had just got an award. He knew, and I knew, that he still couldn’t seem to aim for the toilet bowl. Just keeping it real.
If I know of a hobby or second job, I might ask about that but I don’t ask people about their “outer” lives. If that’s all they talk about I figure they don’t have much of a “inner” one.
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