People who frequently talk about their kids

In My Humble Opinion
1

This seems to be a popular rant about co workers and to a lesser extent friends. Now I know we tend to fixate on what people rant about the most online; this doesn’t necessarily mean it is as big of a deal in RL as implied.

But is this really that big of a deal? I mean, more so then co workers going on about their cats, football, train sets, etc. I wonder if this is less about kids and more about co workers or friends being one trick ponies.

For example, back when I was in college there were two different nerds in two separate classes who would only talk about one thing each in class- one nerd would try to steer the conversation toward The Matrix. The other guy would do the same thing, except only talk about some computer game called Second Life. Now to me, this is the same level of annoying as a co worker only talking about their kids, though in my case it is because they are only talking about one subject all the time.

Even though I don’t have kids, I can understand how they would become a huge part of a parent’s life. So talking about kids at that point is probably not unusual. I guess I don’t get the hate about the subject matter. But maybe I’m unusual in that I can find a way to relate to subject matter even if it doesn’t apply to me. People that rant about it online give me the impression they have it so hard because everyone talks about kids and they don’t have/want/care about kids.

I’m still waiting for the poster with the opposite problem- “Parenting is tough and I wished I had someone to talk to but all my co workers just go on and on about HO scale trains and My Little Pony.”

2

Without a doubt, there are parents who obsessively talk about their precious children and this probably annoys everyone except the kids grandparents. It’s always possible to take something too far and those obsessive parents don’t deserve any defense - they’re just boring and self absorbed.

On the other hand you have parents who just like to talk about their kid sometimes and still get shit for it from friends or colleagues. I’m not sure why those parents seem to annoy people more than someone who obsessively talks about his pet dog, or his performance at golf. I suspect it’s because people tend to see children as actual people, which is reasonable because that’s what they are. Hearing a guy drone on about his handicap is bad enough, but if it’s a human being part of us feels like we *should *care even though we decidedly don’t and that makes it feel unpleasant.

But for parents of young children, our kids are more than just real human beings we love. They’re a huge part of our day that we spend an enormous amount of energy caring for and thinking about them. It’s only natural that we talk about them pretty frequently the same way somebody running a tennis club might want to talk about his tennis club a lot.

I think the thing people need to keep in mind is that very little of what we talk about is inherently interesting. Maybe you’ve traveled all over the world searching for treasure and going to movie stars’ cocktail parties, but most of us aren’t in that boat. We’ve got a certain amount of objectively interesting things to talk about, then lots and lots of things that are important to us personally but not inherently interesting to anyone else.

My son’s hilarious mispronunciation of helicopter doesn’t interest you? Well I don’t truly yearn to hear about my friend’s date last night or my colleagues performance review troubles. I listen because those things are important to them and since I care about the person I’ll put the effort into caring about what is happening in their life. It’s not fake interest, it’s genuine interest. But that interest is born out of being kind and respectful, not a bona fide desire to hear how horribly wrong a performance review went. That kind of treatment all I’d expect in return when I’m talking about my son.

So my advice is: if someone is blabbering about their kid and you don’t really care, ask yourself if everything you’ve said so far today was inherently interesting to any observer, or if interested people have cared enough about you to put a modicum of effort in.

3

While I agree with most of what you are saying, I do still wonder why it’s so popular to complain about. On the short list of things people incessantly talk about, it’s less annoying than,

*People talking about their gross diseases
*People bragging about their expensive stuff

4

I find my co-workers regularly ask me about my daughter. I do hope this isn’t because they have me pegged as a boring dad who has nothing else to talk about. :eek:

5

As a non-kid-haver who doesn’t hate kids :slight_smile: the reason people complain is that their own lives/interests are NOT given equal respect and consideration.

I remember a few years back, people would spend the first 10-15 minutes passing around kid pics at the beginning of a staff meeting (this was before FB lol). As an experiment I brought in pictures of my horse to pass around. People found it “inappropriate”. So basically the de facto rule was as long as the subject is children, people were allowed to waste as much time as they wanted; other topics were not permitted.

Basically a lot of people endorse child- talk over other topics, particularly in the workplace.

I honestly don’t care because kids are like tiny high people who do the most madcap things (except those rare few parents who INSIST on talking about the texture of Jr.'s poo) but it can get a little annoying when you see parent topics elevated above other, similar, topics so that if you’re a no parent you never get a turn.

6

People won’t let you talk about anything else! If you have a baby in the house that’s everybody’s go-to for small talk in the elevator. “Wow, the river was really high this morning!” “How’s that baby?!” And you have to come up with something you say. “Getting big!”

7

As another non-kid-haver, I completely agree with this. Your kids are important to you, I get that and I’ll happily listen to you talk about them. But I have stuff important to me too, and if you won’t happily listen to me talk about that stuff, then we’re not having a balanced conversation.

8

A friend of mine will obsessively talk about her nieces and nephews, and pass around photos. I’ve never even met her siblings. A couple of times, it’s felt like she’s trying to wow me with how big her family is. I’m not sure why I’m supposed to be impressed with that.

9

I suck at conversation, precisely because I don’t have kids and therefore don’t have anything to talk about.

10

I have encountered this as well and agree that it is confusing why they are bragging.

11

All of this.

As a childless single woman with two cats, I’m quite conscientious about how close I am to the “crazy cat lady” stereotype. I don’t want to be that girl. So I keep the cat talk to a minimum and try to talk about things that everyone can participate in equally.

But a subset of parents don’t do this. Maybe they feel that because their parenthood is affirmed as good and wholesome, they don’t feel the need to reign themselves in for the benefit of the person who can’t reciprocate. Which is one way that people are pressured into having kids, I think. It is socially difficult to not be able to participate in the conversation everyone is having.

Now, personally I don’t mind playing “interviewer” and doing more listening than talking. As an introvert, I’m fine with being in this position most of the time. But it’s not something I want to do ALL the time.

12

If I tell you enough, you will understand why my children are so fascinating. I am actually doing you a favor by introducing you to the wonder of my offspring.

You’re welcome.

Regards,
Shodan

13

I’ll also say that just because I find something annoying, doesn’t mean I want or expect people to change their behavior. If people want to talk about their children in my presence, I’m fine with listening quietly until the conversation switches to something else, or engaging in the conversation by asking questions. But I’m also fine with getting up and leaving. Annoyance isn’t a value judgment or an indictment of someone’s etiquette. It’s just a feeling, neither right or wrong.

14

Like someone said already, as long as those people show interest in my life and ask me questions/let me talk, I am fine with it.

15

I’m 42 and my boys are 3 years old and 8 months old, so I’ve seen both sides of this.

My theory is that kids are one of the few more or less universal happy, non-charged topics that people can talk about in the workplace. Unlike politics, sex, or anything involving the way you spend your income (people can get surprisingly snippy if you talk about your travels and vacation adventures), kids and their goofy mispronunciations and silliness are usually non-offensive and a shared experience for most people- male or female.

Before I had kids, my coworkers would talk about theirs, and I’d usually nod and smile, using the logic Fuzzy Dunlop was mentioning. I didn’t always bring up my personal interests- playing video games, drinking beer, and trying to score with women aren’t usual topics of conversation in most workplaces. So when I did talk about mundane stuff, it was usually TV shows or sports. I didn’t have much in common with my co-workers, to be honest.

Now that I have kids, I’m excited about them. For most parents, they’re the focal point of their lives, like it or not. So we tend to talk about them as a result, and they’re that happy, non-charged topic that I brought up earlier. And it’s something in common with almost all of them.

To some degree, I’m probably that ass who talks about his kids too much, because nobody else wants to hear about video games, the books I read, or any of the other non-mainstream interests I have. I also quit watching most sports save college football a while back, so that’s the only sports conversations I get into.

16

Two of my pet peeves!

Yes, I’m sorry your boil leaks constantly. Yes I can see and smell that. Here, take these napkins. No, all of them.
Nope, don’t want 'em back… nope, not any of them. Feel Better…! :smack:

Or… wow yeah… look what You got! (Off The Record, is that the expected response to “look what I got”? Inquiring for a Friend.) A new car? Must be nice. A modified tablet that can run every operation system known to man AND doubles as a place mat at dinner? Cool!
A ROLEX watch with 5-lbs of Tap Tap Real Gold! One that not only tells the time everywhere in the world simultaneously, can do calculus, trig, and flash the tip amount you should add at the end of the meal?
Its shock proof, water-proof to 20,000 Leagues, and can be dipped in the lava of Mt Kilauea and still work? The Hell you say. And, it doubles as a 5-lb dumbbell on your workouts? Great, a matched set.
Good for You!!!

Or you’re gaming and there is the cut/paste Brag-Fester. “Oh, look what you got! The Infinity Soul Armor whose AC is so low, you couldn’t even cut yourself shaving with a +20 Bastard Sword? Huh. And you’ve tried? Good For You!!!”

Ever notice that you can Never challenge Any of these people in even the slightest way as the conversation INSTANTLY it becomes, “Well I made Fill-In-The-Blank last year!!! What did YOU make!?”
Ummm… Less of an Ass of myself than You? OK, that is setting the bar low, but its also true.

Then there’s the, “I’m engaged! Look at my Ring!!!” speech. This appears to be a vocal warm up for a sonic blast of “SCREE…!” that was designed to deafen every human eardrum, shatter any crystaline based structure, both natural and man-made,
known to exist (except the above Asshole’s watch crystal, of course). * As well as torture dogs.* I swear, dogs for three cities around are whining and rubbing their heads in the grass like they’ve been sprayed with Mace.
That sound alone will Not Only make SETI obsolete, but will serve as a warning to every intelligent life form in the universe: * Stay Away!*

When its over, because people in the office are generally too stunned to move easily afterward, all the questions start. “How many karats?”
(Enough to Fill the Ass of the Biggest Congonese Miner you can think of, with the main stone large enough that he’ll Still be pissed off if you ever met him on the streets of Manhattan.)

“How did he propose?” Please… just please. Just drop the name of a restaurant, a concert, a play, a poem, a song, and a car ride. And how Surprised you are.
(Surprised? At what? How slowly the bruises on him are healing after all the “where is this relationship going” conversations and beat downs? How about you surprise us all and tell us how you Didn’t give him a blow job afterward.)

Then there’s the “Hey, my job is picking up and I’m Really Important! A million people have to listen to me because…”
Because why? Because someone didn’t fire your ass years ago? Yeah, OK. The Day you replace Letterman, You let Me know, Blow-hard.

Honestly? Sometimes hearing about kids is a nice relief from all the Neurotic Bullsh-t that goes on elsewhere…

17

I like this one, since it could be a reply to either or both comments/questions. A highly efficient conversation ;).

18

People who incessantly talk about their children are often stealth-bragging and none too sneakily. By talking about what magnificent wonders their offspring are, they are basically patting themselves on the back for creating/raising such spectacular beings. They also expect that the listener will be be wowed by what awesome parents they are, which is highly regarded in today’s child-centered society.
Personally though, I love seeing pictures of people’s kids and hearing them brag about how great they are. It’s especially sweet when a baby is ugly and the parents carry on about how adorable it is, or when a kid’s accomplishment is minimal but the parent thinks “knowing almost the whole alphabet” at age five or ever voluntarily reading a book is a sign that he is a brainiac genius. It’s nice to hear people talk about something positive and that they are proud of their kids.

19

The kids are out of the house. Now we talk incessantly about our dogs.

20

Same here. We have the smartest little long-haired chihuahua…

Oh, and forget the kids! Let me tell you about my grandkids!