Enough with the baby.

The BBQ Pit
#1

Dear You,

I have six pictures of your “thirteen-month old”, and that’s about four too many. You pass them out at gatherings, send them in the mail, email them to me, send me updates about his website and videos and frankly, it’s a bit much. I like babies. Hell, I love them, but you have succeeded in making your one year old seem obnoxious, and he can’t even talk yet. I cringe when I see you coming, and that just isn’t right. You stress about him not walking, and now you stress about walking. You were a likeable person before this: funny, offbeat. Now that baby is your only topic, and frankly, he just isn’t that interesting. You have siblings and cousins with babies that can still manage to have a decent conversation and even the occasional joke about the ludicrousness of it all, but your baby is an event, a holy grail. I understand it may seem that way to you because he’s your first but Christ, it gets old pretending to care that he produces too much mucus or whatever else absorbs you these days.

Jesus.

Okay, now I can go back to pretending to care because I like you and don’t want to hurt your feelings.

#2

What if he really is the Second Coming of Christ though? Huh, what are you gonna do then? Feel pretty silly, I imagine.

#3

God, I have a grad school friend who does this. Woman has a PhD and two Master’s and yet now all she can talk about is Child. It is not uncommon for her to send entire albums of Child–Child with hat on, Child with hat off, Child with sand in her hands, Child with sand shovel in her hands… Any ONE of them is squee material–all of them are too much.
I was not like this when I was a new mom–I enjoyed talking about Children with other new moms, but even then we would change the subject after a bit. (at least I hope I wasn’t. I know I never only wanted to talk babies or kids. I certainly didn’t send 12 pics to close acquaintances, but then the Internet didn’t exist then.

Note to all Yuppie Moms out there: shut up. It’s boring. You are not proving your excellence in mothering, you’re driving away your friends.

That said, people who don’t want to acknowledge that said mom’s life has fundamentally altered are jerks. (not the OP, just saying).

#4

[Meryl Streep mode]

“But you’re talking about my BAY-BEE”

[/Meryl Streep mode]

#5

I am not a fan of children. I am not rude about it, but if you are friends with me at all, you are aware.

And so, I am always surprised when, at Christmas time, people send me a pic of the kids. Certainly they must know that I am just going to toss them. Save your kid pic and send it to someone who wants it.

#6

I was like that for probably about the first year or so of my oldest child’s life, and feel somewhat embarrassed about it now. Hopefully your friend grows out of this phase. Most (although sadly not all) parents do, eventually.

#7

I’m with you, my friend.

“Yes, Coworker/Acquaintance, I would definitely like to see a photo of your baby/pet/husband/boat. I might even like to see two!”

But more than that? Buh-bye.

#8

If somebody has a baby pet husband boat, I definitely want to see pictures.

#9

Serious question: I am also a fairly new mom. My parents and in-laws are local to me, but my sisters and both our extended families are “away” (we’re in PA – they’re in Chicago and points west). I have a blog, where I post pictures of the toddler, but I don’t pimp it all the time. It only gets mentioned when people specifically ask for pictures (I do not carry photos of anyone or anything in my purse for fear they will get lost and I will suddenly develop Alzheimer’s and forget who is what). I keep two pics on my desk, and a dozen or so as a screen saver. Is that annoying?

I am seriously asking because I am desperately trying to avoid becoming That Parent. Also: Will you be my friend? Because exactly none of my pre-baby friends are still childless, and all they ever want to do is talk about their kids. And … I sort of sometimes hate other people’s children. I just want to have a drink and watch the game and let my mother babysit once in a while.

Sorry to ruin a perfectly good rant with a General Question.

#10

I completely agree. I’m not terribly interested in anyone’s kids other than my own. I e-mailed two pics of the kids to co-workers the day they were born, and even then only to the women I knew were going to ask me for one anyway).

This is almost as bad as the people here who seem to think we’re interested in pictures of their pets. Or even better, wedding photos of their cousins who I’ve never met.

#11

Awesome.:smiley: Thanks for the laugh.

I don’t undertand why folks don’t just show it to you, let you coo, then take it and put it back in their wallets. I would understand giving me one over the holidays simply because you may have your cards printed up/organized that way and it’s just easier, but in the middle of October, to a cousin’s wife, at someone ELSE’s baptism? C’mon now, it’s okay to let the baby have the spotlight. Your kid is still cute.

I hope so, too. She was a cool chick. Now she just puts me on edge. The first time I visited Baby, she twitched every time I reached out to pet him, snapped at me when I put my hand in the crib, and kept telling me over and over that it was his bedtime as she jiggled him up and down. The later, she complained to her mother that I didn’t even ask to hold him. OF COURSE I DIDN’T! I was terrified she would snap at me.

#12

Your friend needs mommy-friends. There are a LOT of reasons why mothers are insane for the first couple of years, and the best antidote is other mothers. Truly. MOMS club, MOPS, PIT classes, Mommy & Me classes, meetup groups. You friend needs mommy-friends.

#13

My SiL sent out about the perfect frequency of pictures with my Number One Nephew; frequency has dropped off considerably with Number Two and now Niece.

It’s my mother who thinks we need to be inundated with pictures of 'em. No, mom, I don’t want to ooh and aah over the endless blurry pictures you took of them – I want to go into the next room and see them. Sheesh. We live in the same town; I won’t forget what they look like after a few days, honest.

#14

No, your desk is your personal space. As long as you aren’t calling people over all the time to look at your desk, you’re fine.

:stuck_out_tongue: Haha, I don’t drink beer or watch games but if you want to drink tequila and craft/sew, I’m your gal. I have a 9-year old stepson I adore and I’m trying for more, but I totally understand wanting to get away. It’s natural.

#15

Mammas look at their kids through mamma eyes. They are all beautiful. I see W.C. Fields, Winston Churchills or FDRs when I look at them. Kids are not all that pretty in the beginning. See one you have seen them all.

#16

In my mom’s senior computer class, the instructor completely went off the deep end re: her first grandchild, making everyone in the class look at photos and video of THE BIRTH. People can lose all perspective when a new little human is squeezed out.

#17

Nah–that’s not bad. It can be hard to get away from Baby, though. I recommend a class that does not involve kids in any way: double entry book-keeping or chainsaw sculpture.

For some, it doesn’t end once the kids get past the “aw, they’re so cute!” stage. My MIL handed me (in all seriousness) an 11 x 13 color portrait of her daughter (my SIL) in her wedding gown. When I tried to give it (on the sly) back to SIL, SIL said to me she wanted me to have it! :eek: No ego there, nosirree… I threw it away and kept the frame.

#18

:eek:

That’s just wrong.

#19

Gah! I hope your friends improves. :slight_smile: It beats me why they should expect other people even to want to hold their little treasures. I mean, they probably get broken, or spill, or something if one drops them. But complaining to a third party about it? :rolleyes:

#20

To answer your serious question from the perspective of a childfree by choice person, rockle, I will never initiate questions about your children, and I will feign the barest polite interest if you bring them up to me. In other words, I think all you need to do is stay aware of your audience - if they’re asking you questions and drawing you out about your kids, talk away. If they aren’t, they probably aren’t interested.