So, Walter Lang and I are busily planning our wedding. We are planning for a smallish wedding and are expecting to have a handful (6 or 7) of younger guests with us. The children range in age from 4 to about 11.
We are wondering if it’s ok to have a kid’s table at the reception?
It seems that the kids would enjoy each other’s company more than boring adults, and having a break from the children might allow the parents to enjoy the reception more. We’re having a plated dinner, and have arranged for a special kids meal to be served to the children (so there’s no need for mom or dad to dish up plates). We were going to make arrangements for a child minder (NOT a guest - a paid person) to sit at that table with the kids just in case someone decides to stab someone else with a fork, or whatever other hijinx a table of young children might get into. We were also planning on having some activities/toys/games on hand for the children to play with if the reception gets boring for them.
Is this idea ok? Is it horribly rude to ask parents to sit away from their offspring? Is there a better way to handle this? Are we missing something?
I personally would love it, especially with a competent babysitter there.
I’ve actually worked as a babysitter at weddings before, and I preferred it if we were in another room entirely. It can be hardest to babysit while the parents are within whining distance, especially if they’re at the 2-4 year old stage (the hardest stage for me to work with).
My favorite gig was at a hotel, and the groom’s family rented an extra suite for the kids. I brought a partner and my bag o’ tricks and we did arts and crafts and watched a movie and did yoga (hey, it’s what they wanted to do!) and then we went down to the pool for a while. Kept 'em busy all day, helped a few of them clean up for the actual wedding, and then we all went back to the room and had delivered pizza while the boring adults had their boring reception. We “snuck” back down (with the couple’s permission) for about an hour to dance when the dancing started, and then I herded them back upstairs and put 'em to bed.
Maybe more involved than you need, but the upshot of it all is YES, a good babysitter can make a wedding and reception enjoyable for all of your guests, old and young alike.
We do actually have a small ‘extra’ room that we were going to set aside for crafts/movies/napping. However, we thought it would be nice to have the kids eat in the same room, particularly for the 10 and 11 year olds (there are 3). Two of the kids are in the wedding party and we don’t want them to feel left out.
There are no very young children coming - I think 4 is the youngest - if that makes a difference.
The younger kids might prefer to be by their parents, but as a parent… no it wouldn’t really bother me. I remember being off in another room for my aunt’s wedding though not much about the reception. I was 6.
I think it’s a thoughtful idea, and it doesn’t seem that any of the children is so young that they would have a problem not being right next to parents. The youngest of them will likely be fine at the children’s table, as long as there are other kids there with them. Sounds to me like a good way for everybody to enjoy the reception.
Just a question, though. I’m curious about the “kids’ meal” you have ordered. Is the meal the adults are having not suitable for children, or are you just dealing with smaller portions for the kids?
We’re having prime rib with a merlot jus, tri-colour roasted rosemary potatoes, glazed carrots and green beans. It didn’t seem exactly right for a 4 year old. For the kids we were planning on chicken fingers and fries.
Only other thing I would add is - do the kids all know each other? It might be a bit intimidating to be, say, a lone 4yo on a table with five or six 8+ best buddies.
Other than that, hell yeah. If you’ve got a competent babysitter you can seat me right across the other side of the room.
ETA: FTR, my 4 year old (well, she’s 5 now…) would have had no problems with your grown up menu. They might surprise you.
I think it would make everyone, both kids and parents, happier. Kids get to act like kids, parents don’t have to worry about them. You’d get a gold star in my book.
Note: from the thread title I thought you meant the parents of the two being wed were going to be seated away from them. That seemed odd.
It sounds great to me, but since there aren’t a ton of kids, why don’t you check with their parents in advance? My son is not quite a year and a half, so I don’t know how it would work with older kids, but it might be nice to a) know what the kids’ meal is going to be, b) be able to prepare my child (either get a shy child excited or do… something to pre-contain a wild child) and c) get excited myself about the idea of a night out with grownups! Whee!
Also, that way if you have any overly-protective parents or extra-clingy kids, your plans won’t be for naught.
I went to a wedding in which the groom’s family came from Mexico–and brought a large number of kids. They knew how to behave during a long ceremony, being Catholic; I think one baby had to be removed by its mom.
The reception room had a small ell with a long table set up for the kids. In this case, the older girls ran the show. They’d apparently been bossing their sibs & cousins for years. One little boy made a run for the wedding cake, but was intercepted in time.
After dinner, the band started. The adults had a few glasses of wine & soon all ages were on the dance floor.
It was quite civilized & a good time was had by all. A hired sitter or 2 would be good for unrelated kids. Best wishes!
I’m not a parent but every single wedding, baptism, first communion, birthday… I’ve ever been to, which had more than two kids, involved a “kids’ table.”
We baptised the Niece this same month; there were two long tables for grownups and another one for the eight kids (ages 5-2yo). They get a separate menu, too (most kids don’t care to try “oyster delight in a soft creamy sauce aux fines herbes with a touch of pomegranate juice”).
Being older than my Bros by 6 and 8 years, and the second-oldest of 12 cousins (the group could easily grow to 20 by adding second cousins and cousins of cousins), I’ve been “in charge” of that table more times than I care to remember. The single 5yo at the kids’ table in the Niece’s baptism already keeps the rest toeing the line, aided by The Nephew (kid’s both bossy and a natural leader, kids who don’t know him from Adam copy what he does).
It’s a great idea, but make sure you let the parents know the arrangements well ahead of time - not when they pick up their seat assignments walking in the door. And don’t be surprised or offended if some of them decline and want to keep their kid(s) with them.
We had better than 30, under 13, kids at our wedding. We served a special kids buffett of hot dogs and mac & cheese. It saved us a ton of money, $4 a plate for the kids instead of $11 for the adult meal and the kids enjoyed the food. Even some of the adults enjoyed the mac & cheese! We also had a bouncy house outside. Everyone was happy.
I wouldn’t mind at all with our oldest. He’d probably love it. Our younger child would have to seated with us, or one of the pair of us parents would have to be at the children’s table with her, due to her disabilities, but I would be sure you knew about that beforehand if I could.
All said before, but I think it’s a great idea. Some children really don’t like to be separated from mom and dad, so be prepared for that. Also, parents may assume their children are at the same table with them and drag them along without checking the seating card. Otherwise, I think you’ve thought of everything to make it fun for the kids and the adults. Also, if it isn’t unreasonable to do so, make a quick allergy check with the parents at some point. Even if the child doesn;t eat it, some allergies start to take place just by proximity.
I have over seventy first cousins, and had attended at least a dozen weddings by the time I was twelve. I actually mentally sort my cousins by table - I’ve sat with the same cousins my whole life, those who are about three years older than me to about a year younger than me; I don’t think I’ve ever sat with my parents at a wedding, at any age. They hang with my aunts and uncles.
I understand why you’d do it, but I was insulted by chicken fingers and such when I was a kid, even at the age of five or six. I knew the grown-ups were getting better food, and I was hurt by the perceived snub. The (many) kids’ tables at my wedding had something simpler than the adults, but not chicken fingers or hot dogs.
We didn’t seat the children under six at my wedding. The parents were warned about it in advance, but at that age, they don’t really sit too much anyway at a wedding, and can eat a bit from their parents’ plates. Jewish weddings also have a smorgasbord before the ceremony, so all the kids had a chance to fill up there first, at a more normal dinner hour for them (the smorg started at six, dinner more like eight.)
I agree. It’s a great idea, especially with a babysitter.
I do think you should check in with the parents beforehand to see what they prefer. I’m sure most of them will be thrilled, but it will give them an opportunity to tell you if there are any special circumstances that would require them to have their kids by them and/or explain the seating arrangements to their kids in advance.
For the kids we were planning on chicken fingers and fries.
