I’m a Christian, and this thread is cracking me up!
Pat Robertson, the guy who makes Criswell look like Walter Cronkite.
LOL, 
this is really hilarious. Good one, RT.
Actually, I heard a fundamentalist Christian actually argue against the accuracy of the Bible once because of this… Ironic, I know.
They used the common criticism of the Bible that says all the N.T. is written decades after his ascension by people who assumed he’d be back in their lifetimes then realized he might be a little while. One of them forgot exactly how Jesus phrased it and that he actually said he’d be back “sometime”.
I don’t know what Bible passage says he’d be back soon (or if there is one), just that My Fundamentalist Friend (band name) said the assumption that he’d be back within a few years was entirely the fault of the uneducated people at the time and we’ll just have to wait. A little longer. Or maybe a lot longer. But he’ll be back. Sometime.
:eek: What kind of ass do you have?!
Was your friend talking about Jesus or Frosty the fucking Snowman?
Or perhaps The Terminator?
Hey, not my religion. I went to a Catholic H.S. but only remember bits and pieces of the “history” stuff… that and a few debates.
Jesus is looking for Sarah Connor?
10% of those with no religion think it is likely that Jesus will return? That only shows that this 10% is either incredibly stupid or lying about not having religion. Not going to church is not equivalent to being an atheist.
Pat Robertson - just like Jean Dixon but not so accurate.
You remind me of the sketch by MadTV where the Terminator is sent back in time to protect Jesus.
The real gluttons for punishment are the people who listen and send money to that quack.
Jesus Christ, Son Of Man. Day Planner: Nov 7, 2007
8 AM : Resurrection
8:15 AM: Coffee
9 AM: Judge quick
10:30 AM judge dead
12 noon: Lunch w/ M. Magdalene
1:30 PM: Insert sandal in anus of P. Robertson
2 PM: Wash feet
2:30 PM: Walk Cerberus (remember plus sized baggies)
3 PM: Wash feet again
3:30 PM: Armageddon
5 PM: Happy hour w/ Vishnu and Buddha
You guys don’t get it. God really does tell Robertson all these things. And then He and all His Heavenly Host gather 'round the TV, watch Robertson’s show, and laugh their asses off. And God, when He can catch his breath, says, “He’ll buy even dumber bullshit next time! Just you watch! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWWWW!”
Geeze, MadTV keeps repeating itself. I remember a very similar sketch right after O.J. got off and the Dream Team went time-traveling (with references aplenty to Quantum Leap) getting famous people off. This, of course, included Jesus.
To be fair (or unfair, YMMV) that sketch was aired in 2000, back then Jesus was almost a recurring character (millennium fever and all that jazz…)