I call almost everyone by their last name. I’ve no idea why, but I can’t even begin to fathom how it could be construed as an alpha male game. If the last name is trickier than the first, I use the first.
To the op: in what way do they use your last name in a “demeaning manner”? That sounds the kind of thing that people with too thin skin say.
Not saying that there aren’t other reasons you don’t want them using your last name, but if you are TRULY being demeaned, I doubt that asking them to CALL you something different is going to change that.
Huh. I refer to Mr. K by his last name or a pet name exclusively. If his given name is used, you can assume I’ve had a stroke. I have one friend who refers to me by my last name and it doesn’t bother me.
I work in a law enforcement agency and officers are almost invariably referred to by their last names, without a title. The one or two people I’ve known who object have had no success changing it.It’s just part of the culture.
Same deal in the military. There was this unfortunate fellow back in boot camp named Fuchs (pronounced “fyooks”). The company commander chose that guy to be his coffee boy. On a daily basis, we would hear the company commander growling on the PA system “Seaman Recruit FUCKS, get my coffee!”, followed by the helpless wail from the distance, in a deep Louisiana bayou drawl, “That’s Fyooks, sir!”
In the past few years, almost all the men I have met have been called Mike or Mark or Dan or Dave or Frank or Jim or Jeff. I’m not exaggerating. (well, maybe a little. Several are called Rob or Tim.) (And these people’s surnames include the following: Steven; Mark; and McRobert.) It’s really out of control. Of course I call them by their full names, or just their surnames. If they object I stop immediately but how else can I distinguish them?
Women seem to have much more diverse names (with the exception of Jennifer, Jessica and Heather, who get the full name treatment) so normally a first name suffices.
For some reason some of my friends have taken to calling me by my (unique outside my family, AFAIK) surname instead of my (almost unique) first name. Ah well. Why ask why. It doesn’t bother me much but I can see how it might if your surname isn’t as nice (and short!) as mine.
I don’t know if it’s a dominance thing or not, but it’s totally a guy thing. Look at the examples like military, police and sports traditions of last-naming everyone, sure there are women all over those fields but they’re traditionally male.
As a female working in a mostly male environment, I’ve had to ask quite a few people not to call me by my last name. I simply explain to them that I don’t really identify with my surname, particularly since we grow up expecting to change our names and it’s more of a fluid thing for us than it is for men. After a polite request and explanation if necessary, I simply stop hearing them until they use my first name.
Might be more difficult if you’re a guy though, since men are way harder on other men for doing anything different from the rest of the herd.
I’ve had this problem most my adult life. The problem is that my first name is rather more common as a surname, and my surname is quite common as a first name – so people must just look at my name, decide it’s in the wrong order, and mentally correct it. It’s made worse at my current work by the email addresses being made up of last name plus first initial (so that John Smith would be “smithj@<employer>”), so even fellow workers who should know better do this to me.
(And my other problem is that people in the US usually mispronounce my first name: I feel quite relieved to visit places like Canada and England where they know how it’s pronounced correctly.)
On the flip side, I noticed with my sister’s sports teams, they tend to call each other by first initial. I thought it was weird tht there was a girl called “Jay” on her team, then I realized there was also a “Dee”, “Gee”, and “Em”. Their full names were Janet, Denise, Gee-I-don’t-remember, and Midah (sp?)
My thing is not the last name, but I have a nickname and then I have my real name. My real name is on my e-mail - I can’t help that, company policy - but I always sign with my nick. I have no problem with people who don’t know me inadvertently calling me by my real name once in a while. I correct them very gently, usually by just signing my name again, and again, on each e-mail, till they get it.
What drives me crazy is people who I haven’t given permission to calling me by my real name. I hate to sound so negative but I have never met a non-Indian who could pronounce it just right. It’s not that it’s hard, pronouncing it is easy, pronouncing it right seems to be impossible. So I don’t like to hear my beautiful first name mangled one bit.
I handle this by not responding at first when they say it, or if I don’t have a choice, giving them a really funny and confused look. Then I say, “Oh, I’m sorry, so few people call me by that name that I wasn’t aware you were speaking to me. I really like [my nick], and I’m just so used to hearing that.”
That has worked almost all the time. If someone persists, I’ll flat out say, “I prefer [my nick] so please call me by that.”
I’m sure you can modify this for your issue. I don’t think it’s whiny to be called what you want to be called, our name is one our identifiers and one of the few things we can totally call our own.
Simply asking offenders to stop (politely or otherwise) results in future references to me done with my last name in a purposeful and sarcastic manner. And yes, this is a “professional” setting. Not only in this job but others as well.
I’m at a loss. I don’t want to be called “Sch_” any more.
Teachers are another group that go largely by their last names.
I prefer my last name to my first, which is why I kept it when I married. For me, being known by it–with or without the Ms. at the front–is one of the perks of my profession.
My students shorten my last name to make a diminutive. I think it’s kinda cute, when we aren’t in class.
The only students that are allowed to call me by just my last name are my varsity debaters. Everybody else had better add “Mr.” to the name or I will ignore them. Of course, that is only in formal, face-to-face communications. I’m sure I am still refered to informally as “That asshole,” as always.
If you have been polite and asked already and the desired result has not been achieved…then quit answering to your last name. Flat refuse to respond. Since it seems to be happening in a work setting, talk to management. You shouldn’t have to put up with co-workers being rude.
You know, I never really thought about it before, but the “understood” thing is that when school is in session, it’s “Ms”, but afterschool, just the last name, shortened or not, is fine. First name is never fine, not even years after they graduate. They seems to all get this without a lot of prompting by me.
BTW, are your scores starting to come in? Kids are getting mail, but no master list yet. One of my new Academic Decathlon kids got six 5s . . .going to be a good year there, I hope.
No joy yet on the master list, but I’ve gotten some emails. The 5s I expected, but no word yet from the kids on the bubble. I had one email from a girl who bombed the AP Euro but got a 3 on the AP EngLang test, as a soph! Good on theory, lousy on facts, I guess.
I knew of a guy with the last name of Buck in school.
I don’t blame you for being annoyed. The only instance I experienced the practice of addressing people by last name was in gym class, which I hated. It seemed so militarian to me.
Even worse than being called “Lastname” is having an older brother in the same school and thus be called “Little Lastname.” I thought I got away from that by moving to a different state, but there’s another guy with my first name where I work. With no nickname to fall back on, it’s back to “Lastname.” I loathe it, and I’m trying to get people to use something else, to no avail.
