people who just can't STFU

The BBQ Pit
21

Actually, I have a friend who is like this and it doesn’t seem to stem from anything other than congential unable-to-STFUedness. He doesn’t particularly like the fact that he can’t get to the point in less than four verbal exchanges, and fully acknowledges how frustrating it is for people around him. He’s not stupid, but he just can’t seem to get thoughts organized in his head in a way that most other people do, and he can’t seem to let go of a thought without double- and triple-checking that it’s been settled (out loud, of course). But he can’t control it, so he just asks people to be tolerant and explicitly tell him to shut up when necessary.

In his case, it’s definitely learned behavior. We make fun of him for it, so one day, he pulls out his cell phone and plays us a message he had gotten from his dad:

We all just about peed ourselves laughing.

mischievous

22

My boss is like this. I was in the middle of teaching a class the other day when he knocked on my door and asked if I had a moment. I assumed it was an emergency.

Boss: Wow, it’s a bit chilly in there, isn’t it?"
Me: Yes, the a/c is a bit strong. :: expectant look, waiting for some kind of news ::
Boss: The building is really old, you know.
Me: . . . Oh?
Boss: Yeah, that’s why things don’t work quite the way they should sometimes.
Me: Mmmhmm.
Boss: It was back in '04, and <proceeds to babble on about history of said building>.
Me: :: glances nervously towards classroom :: Er . . .
Boss: Oh, so I needed to tell you about your pay.
Me: Okay.
Boss: So we’re talking about money now. My favorite subject. Ha ha.
Me: :: resists teacherly urge to lecture him about staying on topic ::

In the end, he just wanted to let me know that stuff had been straightened out so I would receive the pay I hadn’t been for the past two months. What exactly made this urgent enough to justify his pulling me out of class, I am not sure.

23

Hey, that sounds like my father. In fact, it sounds so much like him that I wonder if he might be doubling as your step-dad on the side.

The thing is, like so many of the unable-to-STFU’s in this thread, my father isn’t a particularly social or gregarious person. He just can’t get to the point. He has no Clue Filter about what other people want or need to know.

24

I refer to these people as having “no inner monologue.” I knew a guy in college who was the worst I have ever seen. He literally said every single thing that came to his head out loud. Professors quickly learned not to call on him in class if they wanted to accomplish anything else that day. Even then he could not stop himself from interjecting sometimes.

It was kind of funny to see people meeting him for the first time, and watch their expressions go from politeness, to puzzled, to amused, to annoyed, and finally to exhaustion.

25

My wife is like this. :slight_smile: Or rather, she has the capability to be like this but isn’t rude about it. I ask her how her day went, and she’s off. She can talk almost indefinitely. If nothing else comes up, or I don’t change the subject, she’ll happily discuss what happened at work today for an hour, two hours, three hours, whatever. Sometimes I do have to gently remind her that the 2-hour version is a little overwhelming, I only need the 10-minute version.

I don’t even know how she does it. I’m the complete opposite. If she asks me the same question, I’m like. “It was okay. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for <three-sentence summary of the interesting thing that happened>.” – “That’s all? Keep going, I want to hear more.” – “Uh… There isn’t any more.”

26

I work with people like this. Along the same vein, I get this a lot:

Asker: “So, Dudley, can you explain to me how this works with that?”

Me: “Sure…” Long, detailed, direct answer.

Asker: “So let me see if I understand this correctly…” and then they go on, repeating what you just said. I’m guessing it’s because they really like their own voices.

There are about 3 people that do this every. fucking. time.

27

My FIL is like this, although I hear he’s been improving lately. It got so nobody would ask him a question, because the answer could take an hour or more, during which he would articulate, very slowly, every thought in his head, going off on tangents and often not returning to the subject. He would leave no room for discussion. He didn’t invite conversation, he was on a monologue. It would get so uncomfortable in the room that after 45 minutes, you’d wish the floor would open up and swallow you.

He’s otherwise a great person. He just does not seem to have an internal editor, and seems incapable of coming up with a concise answer or comment. Maybe it’s a power thing, too, I dunno. We don’t have to deal with it, as he lives a couple hundred miles away. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be his wife, and have suffered this for more than a quarter century.

28

Bwah, I’ve been having a crappy work sitch the last two days – thanks for that.

29

I knew which one it was without even peeking…

30

I know someone who does this too, predominantly by rearranging the parts of the last sentence she spoke so every idea is repeated 8 times. :frowning: I’m running out of polite, noncommittal noises to make.

31

I know about this, I’ve seen this many times.

In my circle of friends it usually occurs after the partaking of herb by those who should have given it a pass. We have devised a tactic which seems quite effective in fighting this, halting the unceasing voice.

We call it, ‘THE HAND’ (Said in deep ominous tones only!)

It’s simple to use, easy to apply, and very effective, however you must be in earnest. You must never smile, giggle or look sheepish or coy or THE HAND will lose its power for all time.

As though listening, if a little distractedly, get within range of subject.

Do not wait for a break in the discourse, y’know there isn’t one coming, right?

Reach out and gently place your hand on their forearm.

Of course, they won’t even slow down the talk, though they may look down.

Leave your hand there, and ever so slowly increase the pressure until you’re almost squeezing. (Do not show weakness, no giggles or smiles, they must be able to read nothing from your face!) When they pause for that millisec (considering, no doubt, asking what you’re doing), put your finger to your pursed lips and make the ‘Shhh’ sound like you would to a small child. Almost like you’ve heard something distant but important.

Hey, would you look at that? You stopped them, no rude, no snark, a dead stop.

I cannot say how long it will last that’s up to your abilities to politely, or snarkily, or humourously drive the point home. My personal favourite is; “I think I hear the baby!”, where there is no baby for miles. But you can just use this same technique again and again.

In my circle of friends we have now reached a place where the “Shhhh” isn’t even needed.

And we call it, “THE HAND” !

32

Heh. Now I want fish ‘n’ chips!

33

No Inner Monologue. That is excellently described.and too the point!

34

I serve on a board with someone like that. If he has the germ of a thought or question, he has to speak it all out, including a long verbal meander leading up to what he ultimately finds his thought or question to be. It’s like he can’t think something through silently and ask the resulting question, but has to verbalize his own thought process. And then there are the times when his extended discussion with himself actually resolves the issue to his satisfaction.

It gets particularly maddening when I can see exactly what he’s circling up to, and try to cut him off with: “That’s all resolved on page 3 of the report” (or wherever). Sometimes, that’ll shut him up, but other times it’ll just cause him to stop, look at page three, and go off on another long digression on what his question was and why he was concerned, eventually getting around to how this important question was, in fact, answered fully to his satisfaction on page 3.

Between him and another board member who feels compelled to add some additional point or comment to everything that everyone else in the meeting says, there are times when I just want to tear my hair out.

35

Mr. brown is a “thinker-out-loud”, too. I also can see where’s going and try to cut to the chase by stating his conclusion, which pisses him off no end. However, it pisses me off that he wants me to stand silently at attention while he does his long, slow verbal wandering. One of my bosses does this, as well. Says he needs to talk it out to help make up his mind. I wish they’d think it all out ahead of time, and then state the conclusion out loud and stop wasting my time! I’m not a professional audience!

36

Is your boss a Paklid?

37

Yes, and YES! And in my friend’s case, it’s totally involuntary. There was a time once when he was undergoing an emergency move (scum-sucking landlord) and I and several other friends were helping. Everything had gone wrong, we were stressed out of our minds, we had all been up all night packing like madmen, we had less than three hours left to finish moving his household before the landlord showed up and locked us out. Total panic time. He and another friend had taken a truck of stuff to the new site, and while they were on the way back I get this phone call:

Me: Hello? What!?!
Him: Oh, hi… am I disturbing you?
Me: No. :rolleyes: What do you need?
Him: Um, because if I’m disturbing you I can call back in a few minutes.
Me: No. What do you need?
Him: Well, I just needed to tell you this one thing, if now is okay.
Me: Yes. What do you need?
Him: Oh, well I’m in the truck - you know, the one that we took the stuff to the new apartment in. <Friend> is driving the truck, though. So I’m not driving the truck and calling you. So I’m in the truck and we’re on our way back and there’s some traffic - well not like rush hour traffic, but still traffic…
Me: Stop! WHAT. DO. YOU. NEED!
Him: Oh! Well I needed to tell you that we’re going to be about 15 minutes late.
Me: Thank you, I’ll let everyone know. <click>
There was reportedly another 2-3 minutes of “so there’s all this traffic, and it’s holding up the truck, so we’re going to be a little later than we planned. I just thought you should know, so that everyone can plan for that. I just needed to tell you we’re on our way, but a little late…” before he actually realized that the line was dead.

So even under absolute panic conditions, where he risked losing all of his worldly possessions, and the person he was talking to was doing him a huge favor, HE COULDN’T GET TO THE POINT. I think it would take years of pavlovian training with electroshock to get these habits changed.

mischievous

38

Erf. Yes.

Her: I want to [insert issue].
Me: [answer].
Her: Yeah, that’s what I thought, but [restate issue].

Three months ago I’d humor her and continue the 17 re-issues of restatement. Today I answer once and go back to work. I’ve also posted the following next to my computer:

It hasn’t shut her up but it makes me feel better.

39

My MIL is a “no inner monologue” person. She can’t even STFU long enough to let someone else finish a single sentence so she tries to guess what that person is going to say.

Me: I saw the funniest thing while I was driving to th{MIL interrupts}
MIL: The park! You took LittleOne to the park that is so sweet! I bet he had so much fun. Did he swing? TamarinHusband loved the swings when he was that age…blah-de-blah-blah
Me: {interrupting} NO! The store. I was driving to the store and there was this car tha{MIL interrupts}
MIL: Was it one of those Hybrid cars? What’s it called a Primus? I saw one the other day that…blahblahblah
Me: :rolleyes: {gives up and walks away}

She will also repeat the conversation later to other people, but using the version that she created in her head.

MIL to SIL later that day: Tamarin took LittleOne to the park yesterday and they saw one of those Primo cars. You know, hybrid things…I think we should get one of those. Do you like them? {SIL tries to answer but gets cut off} I hear that you can save a ton of moneyblahblahblahblah…and it never ends.

Sometimes I amuse myself by contradicting her sentence-ending guesses even if they are correct, but I doubt she even notices.

40

I don’t know what a Paklid is, but I’m his boss. I’ve got to the point where I’m going to have to tell him to STFU and let other people talk. The funny thing is, when we have a difficult meeting with the donors where I could use some support, he pretty much curls up into a fetal position, goes to his safe place and waits for it all to be over.