people who just can't STFU

The BBQ Pit
41

On the opposite end of the same scale, I’ve known a few people who have SCREAMING OVERWHELMING CONSTANT inner monologues that seem to overwhelm everything they hear from other people and replace it with a bizarro version that comes out of their own head.

They swear that you told them yes when you clearly and repeatedly said no, they swear that you didn’t explain what you spent ten minutes detailing. One individual did a neat trick of seeming to invent an entire two way conversation with me while I watched him pull shit out of his ass that I’d never say, right in front of me. Later I had to explain to others how the conversation never took place while the person kept insisting that it did, because he had “vivid memories” of it.

My psycho ex-wife was good for some of that too. She believed what she wanted to believe, no matter what was actually said.
I still think that Denis Leary said it best in his old show No Cure for Cancer.
The best self-help advice there is: Shut The Fuck Up.

“My doctor said just shut the fuck up, and I feel so much better!”

42

My comment to those who keep rephrasing and coming back to the same point over and over (Patent Pending).

“You’ve made your point, you can quit making it now.”

Still working on one for those that never get to the point because “Get to the point.” is in the public domain.

Sometimes having no social graces comes in very handy. Occasionally I think about offering classes. Then I remember that I hate people.

43

Is that you, Ford Prefect?

44

Well, what are we waiting for? Projammer, I’d like to see you take charge of this…

45

A friend and co-worker cannot shut the fuck up-- EVER! If no one is talking to her, she will sit at her desk and talk to herself-- non-stop-- all stinking day long. What makes things worse is that she has a pretty foul mouth and this very annoying verbal tic where she repeats half sentences over and over again. And she’s a complainer. Everyone is out to get her or, as she puts it, ‘shit on her’. So a conversation with her goes something like this:

Innocent bystander: Hey Blabby, how are you?
Blabby: I went to the, you know, went to the, uh, went to the doctor and he fucking had me waiting for, you know, waiting, like, me waiting for 2 cocksucking hours! I know he has other, you know, he has, um, he, like, has other patients and shit but why the fuck do I gotta fucking, you know, why do I, like, why um, why do I gotta fucking wait? 2 motherfucking hours when I gotta go to the supermarket and buy, you know, go to the market and, um, go to the supermarket to buy some-- that shit was on sale! It was a good sale, too. I went to get some beef for this recipe I, you know, some beef for, um, beef for this recipe I found and the cunting cashier tried to, you know, tried to. . .

And on and on and on FOR EVER!!! It makes me want to KILL KILL KILL KILL, you know, um, KILL KILL KILL, like, KILL!!!

46

The opposite of this is just as annoying–People who have to think everything through for a minute before responding.

Me: Do you have the Coolidge file
Them: (long pause. Longer pause. Person looks away. Person looks back at me).
No.
Me; Oh, well Langhorne said you were working on it.
Them: (Repeat above). I was.
Me: Do you know where it is now.
Them: (Repeat above. Twice) Yes.
Me: Well, where?
Them: (Repeat above) Tribble took it.

It takes you ten minutes to say in effect: I had it. Now Tribble has it.