Right, like that part in Genesis where the guy sleeps with his neice and they kill her? Or the people who believe that people who put their penises into certain orifices will go to hell and suffer for an eternity? Oooh, or howzabout that time when God told the Israelites to kill all their enemies, including the children and pregnant women? That’s fair!
Besides, he’s the one that was supported by our church, and I’m the “bad” one…so, according to him, and the church elders, he is/ was following God’s word.
No, my son will most definitely NOT suffer, because the father is no longer in the picture. If he were, then my son and I both would be suffering. I know I made a mistake by even being involved with this man in the first place, which is why I am not with him now. I learned from that mistake. There is no need for you to feel sorry for my child, because he is living in a peaceful household, and he is not being beaten with rods.
When her son grows up just fine will you admit you don’t know what you’re talking about? I honestly get the impression that you are trolling with this god’s justice crap but in case you aren’t could you tell me how Dad should imitate it without magical powers?
:eek:
:eek:
You, sir, are an embarrassment to the human race. It’s people like you that give Christianity a bad name. You are an insensitive ass. Hope your misanthropy keeps you warm at night.
Yeah, CrazyCatLady; you and CarnalK make an excellent point about the howling. It feels like a good release, but I’d like to be able to continue taking them places & right now they have no sense of timing. Not to mention the wear & tear on Dad’s nerves - I really hadn’t thought about it that way (duh on me). I need to be more considerate.
No need to apologize aurelian; personally I enjoy hijacks. That Kel’s a kook! Wonder if the other Divisons are that way.
Thanks for asking, Maureen. Our families visit frequently, but I don’t think we’re as good at taking breaks as we need to be - particularly not my Hubby. He’s won’t admit it when he needs to get away & usually won’t do it. Me, I’m outta here every chance I get!
That’s actually not an answer. How does the human father make up for the fact that he doesn’t know everything? Isn’t all-knowing a rather large factor in God’s dispensing of justice?
Well, I’m not sure if I should post to this train wreck of a thread, but fessie, I sympathize! Certain times in baby development can be hard on different types of people; DangerDad has a really difficult time with the first six months. I hope you can help your husband to understand that yelling is not going to work and there is no point in thinking otherwise.
How much has he read up on baby development? I don’t know about you, but IME moms do most of that stuff and dads tend to wing it more, so they often don’t have a realistic sense of what to expect. (Like the time that my husband asked in frustration why the kids have ‘sleeping problems’ and what could we do? And I was surprised, because our kids are great sleepers most of the time, and he just didn’t have anything much to compare them with, as I did.) Anyway, I second the advice to find some good information on brain development in babies and help him understand that yelling is pointless and doesn’t mean anything to them.
Also, it might be good for him to read up on parenting in general, so that he can find out about other, less dictatorial styles of being a dad. He may not even realize that there are other–and more effective–ways to be a good dad. If his dad was like that, it might be hard for him to recognize his behavior and then change it. Many people even wind up thinking that a) this way is how to be a parent and b) I didn’t like it when it was done to me–at the same time.
One more thing: does he get much of a break? Can he get out with his friends? Even more importantly, do you two get to go out on dates alone? It’s vital that you do this! (Obviously you need time for yourself too, but that’s not my focus here.) As we know, kids, while wonderful, are also stressful, and everyone needs a break from their babies–it must go double for twins. Uh, on preview, somebody said that already, but oh well.
I don’t know if this would be at all helpful, but…
When my daughter was a little bit younger than your twins, I decided that I was going to focus on teaching her one thing - in my case, the word “gentle”. This was mostly as applied to the cat, who she would chase and try to bash and pull fur off and all those other delightful things babies do! So she would go for the cat (or the potplants, or whatever) and I would sit with her going “this is how you do it gently” (stroke the cat, stroke her cheek, stroke the cat with her hand etc etc.)
Over, and over and over again!
Now, I don’t know if when you “redirect” it’s something like this or more of a distraction “ooh, look at the shiny thing!” type of thing. But I (and I’m quite a task-oriented person, and it could be that your husband is too) found it very helpful to be actually trying to teach something rather than just whisk stuff I didn’t want her to have out of her way … it felt more productive, so it was good for my own mental harmony.
Of course, this is still much more energy-intensive than sitting on a couch saying “no”, but it’s possible that having a teaching goal that you’re trying to accomplish could help your husband feel more motivated to do more than yell.
Oh, and I too sympathise. TWO toddlers! :eek: Definitely try to ifnd some time for just the two of you, even if all you do is collapse out of earshot and sight of your babies!
I have 2 beautiful children and the oldest is 2 and the youngest is 1 and I feel sorry for you when they are both in the “terrible 2’s” I would suggest a book called “making the terrible 2’s terrific”. I have been guilty of yelling myself and there have been some pats on the fanny, nothing too hard just enough to get their attention. I believe in the redirection, but at some point your patience runs out. I would suggest when your husband starts yelling give him a “time out” and tell him to think about whether yelling at a child will achieve the desired effect. It’s the easy way but achieves little else but giving him grey hairs and I speak from experience :).
I have 2 beautiful children and the oldest is 2 and the youngest is 1 and I feel sorry for you when they are both in the “terrible 2’s” I would suggest a book called “making the terrible 2’s terrific”. I have been guilty of yelling myself and there have been some pats on the fanny, nothing too hard just enough to get their attention. I believe in the redirection, but at some point your patience runs out. I would suggest when your husband starts yelling give him a “time out” and tell him to think about whether yelling at a child will achieve the desired effect. It’s the easy way but achieves little else but giving him grey hairs and I speak from experience :).
Oh and latex man, seriously you must not have any kids or you would not even think about doing what you suggest. I’d take more than a rod to people like you.
Kel, perhaps you could try just making short, inflammatory, stock responses that really don’t address anything except for your need to feel superior. Maybe THEN everyone would listen to you and see the light of your, y’know, enlightened ways.
Oh, no, I see you’ve tried that.
Truly, sometimes people get more enjoyment out of pissing everyone off than they might out of actually thinking things through and discussing in some intelligent manner. You would obviously be one of those folks. Enjoy, I guess.
fessie, I don’t have anything brilliant to add (so unlike my normal post! ) but you’ve gotten a lot of good responses here, assholery aside. Hubby is going to have to learn that babies don’t take verbal cues well, and if he doesn’t want to get up 20 times, then he may need to remove the offending object/toy/remote/whatever from the room in order.
Good luck, and hang in there. Soon they’ll be off to another developmental phase, and a whole new set of behaviors…just about the time you get a handle on this one, I’m sure!
Thanks for the empathy and suggestions - you guys are the BEST! dangermom all your points are terrific; Aspidistra I already implemented your suggestion myself, that’s a great idea! Hubby and I have been talking about this & will continue to do so (I showed him this thread).
Soem really good points here. He doesn’t sound like, in the OP, that he necessarily thinks yelling is the best thing to do - it seems like he wasn’t necessarily thinking in an informed way about what he was doing. Read some partenting books, some peer-reviewed studies, and understand that while it’s okay to make mistakes, they should be mistakes and not policy.
) but you’ve gotten a lot of good responses here, assholery aside. Hubby is going to have to learn that babies don’t take verbal cues well, and if he doesn’t want to get up 20 times, then he may need to remove the offending object/toy/remote/whatever from the room in order.