Today I got the news, in passing, that yet another person who broke my heart is in the throres of incredible bliss and thinking of nuptuals.
After considering this for some time, I realized that this now makes 4 out of the last 5 that have stomped on me, then found their true love / soul mate / whatever.
Wishing bliss on the collective, I’ve decided to open myself up. This track record needs to be shared!
All you need to do is get me interrested in you, then break up with me mesilly, and voila! 80% success rate that the next guy / girl will be ‘the one’!
And I don’t even charge much, being the kind of guy that pays for dates. (And boy, do I pay).
So, there you go! Want matrimony, or at least long-term romantic hapiness? All you need to do is rip my heart out! Come one, come all!
You’re looking at it all wrong. Your exes have realized that they will never do as well as you again, so they settle for the next thing that comes along.
It’s that pirate thing. Yeh, you can sweep the ladies off their feet sure enough. Ravish and plunder their booty for a while. But that smell eventually overpowers the best of them.
RUM! Where be more rum!!! Yo-Ho me mate!!!
You’re not the only one this has happened to. I just found out thatthis guy is now engaged. And he’s graduating with his PhD, while I’m still muddling along in my master’s, trying to figure out how to make this whole getting-my-degree-thing as least painful as possible. So I feel like, not only is he getting married, but academically and professionally, he’s doing better than me, too.
I feel your pain. My ex broke up with me when he came out, and now he is happily married to his new husband (in Massachusetts). It just feels like a double blow.
I doubt it’ll make you feel any better, but when I was in high school it seemed like every girl I dated was a sweetheart while I was dating them, only to turn into raging sluts after we broke up. I was always wondering what it was I did that destroyed their sweetness, or at least why they couldn’t have been slutty with me so I could at least have gotten some.
My curse is that if we date for more than 6 months, after we break up (who does the breaking is not important) you will return to your previous SO & get married. There is no guarantee it will last, just that you will marry them. The current statistical evidence is 3 of the four are divorced, and 2 of the 4 have children (1 of the 2 is the currently married one).
So if anyone wants to marry their ex, step right up. You only have to date me until the end of summer.
If you want it even easier, all you have to do in order to get married to a wonderful person is be my friend. Odds are, I’ll even introduce you to your future spouse. And I’m a fun third wheel, an obliging chauffeur, and an obedient bridesmaid (as long as I like the dress).
I could get in on this. My problem is not that I drive people back to their exes (although that has happened twice) but that most of the time, I am so subtle and sneaky that no one knows I’m interested. This has not been the recipe for success that one might think.
With my last two breakups (well not even real breakups, but ends to psuedo-relationships), both the girls started gaining weight afterwards. I like to think that it’s because of me. Even if it isn’t, it still works out because it means I was able to hit the eject button before they blew up (hahaha…). Yeah I’m a shallow jerk. I’m sorry.
Also one of them became horribly promiscuous as well. I think she was trying to make me jealous but just ended up making me lose respect for her.
I know how that feels.I’ve now got several schoolfriends who are parents whilst I’m still floating around waiting for my first date And the girl I first kissed has now got a bloke and two kids of her own and she’s only a year older than me…
Maybe we could set up a Doper Lonely Hearts Thread if anyone’s interested?I would do one myself but it would probably go pearshaped
And the girl I first kissed has now got a bloke and two kids of her own and she’s only a year older than me…