Personal Add-Ons To Songs, Videos that won't go away

Every so often, my mind will spontaneously create an add-on for a song or a piece of music that changes its meaning and maybe makes it a bit more palatable to me.

For instance, there’s a song called “I Touch Myself” in which the female lead singer proudly announced that “When I think about you, I touch myself.” That’s mostly it, it’s a song about a girl who wants that one special boy to know that when she thinks about him, she touches herself.

I guess because the song is so aggressively vulnerable in its adolescent yearning, etc., at some point I spontaneously made up this scene of a middle-aged “Mum” type (I’m pretty sure it’s an English group that does the song) in a bathrobe and curlers, banging on a bathroom door and proclaiming in a loud, vulgar voice: “Wot the hell d’ya think yer doin’ in there? Get out! And stop touching yerself! You’ll give yerself warts, y’will!”

Now I can’t hear the song without the addendum popping up in my mind. Not that I mind. It’s kinda funny.

The same thing happens commercially: I can’t watch one of those “History of Music” shows on VH1 without hearing Mike Nelson seriously intoning: “They Were The Band That Played California Lady.” Thanks, Misties.

Anybody else ever come up with these?

Way back when Titanic was still in theaters, and that awful Celine Dion song was on the radio 24/7, a few friends & I came up with an add-on refrain. In our version, Celine belts out:

“Leo deeeeear,
We KNOOOW that your queer!
And we have a hunch
About Matt & Ben as wellllllll…”

Leo of course being DiCaprio, and Matt & Ben being Damon & Affleck respectively. We chuckled a bit over it, but that refrain always stays in my mind, whenever that I hear that dreadful schmaltz.

For some reason, the line “I am your servant; may I light your cigarette?” in Type O Negative’s “Love You To Death” always makes me think of MS Access forms. Hell if I know why.

I came up with a parody of “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer about the third time I heard the stupid thing:Kiss me upon my bearded barley Ream me, put on your strap-on now, Teach me about Melissa Etheridge I’ll wear my Birkenstocks and you wear your chaps Oh-oh, Lick me beneath the milky twilight Eat me upon the kitchen floor, Stick your lovin’ hand inside my pants And make my eyeballs dance right inside my head, So lick me.