Sure, now everyone jumps on the bandwagon.
Anthracite, well said. My wife likes to tell stories from when she was in school, how she protested the frog dissection and got it removed from the curriculum, etc.
My favorite is that her class was told to write a story describing a ‘really ugly person’, and she refused because she didn’t think that anybody was ugly. I think she was 10 or so.
Anyway, my wife is my heroine. Anthracite has been, and remains, my lesbian heroine.
Sugar listen, think less about what someone’s perspective will be (impossible to know) and more about what you want to do/say. eg lead by example. I am not God and do not know anything for sure. Do you?
I think that’s what Anthracite was doing – leading by example.
I’m still trying to figure out what you found wrong with that. Sweetcheeks.
You can’t pick and choose what flames to use. You flame anything or nothing. Anything you say could be considered a flame to someone. It is folly to try and choose which is which or who is who.
I take cause with the “I am a proper flamer” attitude.
have a good one darlin…
I’m not surprised that tramtwo would object to the OP, seeing the sort of thing he likes to toss out:
And:
Then, after I called him an asshole over it:
(From Fucking online blind date shit!)
In other words, he isn’t content to mention that the person in question is a liar or a loser; she’s a *“fat pig”*as well. Ol’ tramtwo is apparently about as deep as most piss-puddles…which strikes me as completely fitting.
(For the record, yes, I’m both ugly and fat. Like, sue me.)
Anyway, I have indeed objected to twits who come out with this shit, but probably not enough. In a lot of cases, I think the stupidity of the statements speak for themselves. And let’s face it–this kind of thinking permeates our society. I would contend that most people–a majority of women, and a substantial majority of men–think a lot like tramtwo, though most aren’t quite so assholish as to publically express it in those terms. Keep in mind that after Titaniccame out, Kate Winslett (sp?) was criticized for being too fat–the clear implication being that romance only happens to the thin. In short, it’s a losing battle, even among the allegedly smarter-than-average group we have here. I don’t mind tilting at windmills occasionally, but I do have other stuff to do.
So say I, for whatever it’s worth.
Anthracite, you have been, are, and continue to be my hero! I want to be just like you when I grow up!
For matters of personal appearance over which you have little to no control (as opposed to something like Tammy Faye Baker’s application of makeup with a trovel), flaming is poor form, and reflects ignorance on the part of the flamer.
As to the second matter, is it OK to flame you because you are stupid? Goddamn fucking right it is, you brainless turd. If you are stupid due to willful ignorance, you freaking deserve to have your ass toasted. And re-toasted. If you are stupid due to mere ignorance, a proper flame will get your attention, inform you of your ignorance, advise you where you have fallen into error, and give you incentive to correct your error. A proper flame can be used to fight ignorance, and the recipiant of the flame can actually learn something, if that person has a brain larger than a gnat’s. In your case, tramtwo, I suspect the gnats have a larger cranial capacity.
Thanks you too make the point. Like I said i did not invent the mirror. I find it so very funny that people while flaming complain about flaming, and you think I am the stupid one? Heavy or fat? To me the are the same, if they are not the same to you then you have issues and need to get off the computer and into the real world.
So lets see you can call someone an asshole but not fat? You guyz that feel this way have not seen the light of day for a long time. You also probley don’t know the difference between kill and murder. I am glad you can have two faces, I will always stand by my words and my actions, and if you want to be stupid and try and string togeather a few quotes to pigion hole me go ahead, but don’t be surp[rised if it looks the same as calling me fat or ugly…eg your unkowing view based on your fucked sense of reality.
This entire thread is silly. I should give George C. a call and maybe he can come up with a list of flames you can’t use on SDMB.
Cross post.
To you sir I will say this, just as some blacks complain that whitey’s test are slanted, you do not know if someone is stupid (knows better and still makes the wrong choice) or ignorant (makes the wrong choice like a blind man walks into the wall in an unkown room, hell he didn’t even know he was inside).
Being smart and being stupid can not be helped by some in the same way as i can do nothing of my freckles. So get down off your educated horse and see how silly your point is.
Tramtwo, is English your native language?
Anth,
I don’t respond to those threads because none of them are worthy of my post. I find them ridiculous and inane, they serve no value and don’t see any reason to bump them up to give more people fodder for responding.
I have my “prejudices” but they aren’t what you think, I will not explain them here because they don’t offer anything to this discussion.
Anyhow, we all have our “prejudices” whether they are right or they are wrong, people have different opinions.
Also, many people have different ideas as to what is beautiful and what isn’t. As for the Republicans are ugly thread, or the idea that Hillary is fat is not the issue. I know many Repubs that are considered beautiful and as for Hillary, regardless of her wrong thinking in the circle of life, she’s not fat it’s just a description that someone used to make a point and rile up the masses.
Why don’t I respond to those threads? Because it is just stupid thinking, it’s ignorance at it’s best. This type of ignorance, in my eyes, will NEVER be erradicated from human history no matter how hard you try to get someone to change their mind. People are quick to judge based on appearance but to acknowledge such crap is worse than letting it die a slow and painful death.
Me, let those threads die, let them go unresponded with a rebuttal if at all possible. This gives nothing for the OP in the future any want to say such a thing in the future. No response usually means a non-popular opinion, far better than getting one’s panties in a wad and giving the OP the ability to take your words and twist them.
But that’s just my opinion…an opinion that probably will shoot me in ass someday as I will respond to things that strike a cord in me.
biobrat - Thank you! 
iampunha - I like you more every time I read your posts.
Lost - your concern is noted.
Caliban - thank you, I hope you find your Miranda. 
AuntiePam - yes, you are correct. I cannot tell if most people are just ignoring the threads completely, and I understand many may just hope the issue goes away, that the poster of the appearance flame is seen for what he or she is - an ass goblin.
aha - well, I hope I’m bring positive attention that helps bring about a “sea-change” in how they are viewed. (damn -since seeing the name “Caliban”, I now have The Tempest on my brain…I must read some more Atlas Shrugged to get it off my mind)
bio-brat - Julia Roberts? Hmmm. As far as women go, I am uglier than you can imagine. 
Zette - yes, I felt the same way exactly about Monica - all they could say was how “fat” she was, make fun of her beret, etc. Sigh.
Duke - I agree, that is a massive suck-up.
VaHermit - thank you for your honest story on outgrowing instant judgement.
ultress - Well, you make some good points. Perhaps it is my nonexistant self esteem, and my hatred of the appearance flames that mandates I respond nonetheless.
Zenster - true.
Giraffe - Yes! Thank you for the Chelsea example - it made me sick every time I heard cracks about her made by conservtives. Almost enough to change my politics.
douglips - good for your wife! That makes me happy.
MysterEcks - nice research, nice research indeed!
2nd Law - A hero? (blushes) Aw, thanks!
tramtwo - And now I come to your many posts. Yes, it is OK to flame over some things and not other. It is OK to flame over stupidity, for example.
Why? For a few reasons, IMO. First - it’s important to note, to paraphrase Forrest Gump, that stupidity is as stupidity does. I would never flame someone simply because their intelligence is lower. I will flame their ideas, if their ideas are ignorant and/or offensive to me and/or society. And if their method of presentation is ignorant and/or offensive to society. Are Klansmen stupid? Possibly, but it’s irrelevant. Their ideas are ignorant and offensive to me, and it is their ideas that I flame. Now true, in the heat of argument this often comes out as “you are stupid”, rather than “you are acting stupid” or “your ideas are stupid”. It’s a difference in syntax, rather than a direct comment on their brain power in most cases.
“I will flame their ideas, if their ideas are ignorant and/or offensive to me and/or society. And if their method of presentation is ignorant and/or offensive to society”
And what if I am offended by your looks?
As we all are just a collection of thoughts gathered and shaped over years, we all have a different list… All flames carry the same weight and once you have taken a discussion to a personal level, then I feel you should just shoot straight. I feel by saying what you feel as plainly as possible serves all concerned the best. Our most powerful communications are all just on word; freedom, liberty, duty, honor, country, fire, fat, fag, run, stop, fuck, and many many more. So you see… I do support your right to say it your way, I think it is a bit two-faced to put a spin on a flame. Hate the hate not the hater and there is hope for this world. That little part of syntax that you talk about is the biggest issue when dealing with people. Thanks for reading.
tramtwo said:
Try looking directly into the sun for awhile–nobody’s looks will ever offend you again.
1st paragraph: Uh…this is kind of missing the point. It seems to me that the important thing her is not whether Monica is/was fat or not, but why her weight was considered relevant at all. We should look at her behavior, not what she looks like. That, I think, is what Anthracite is proposing. Flames should be aimed at what someone says or does, not on the irrelevant issue of what that person looks like.
2nd paragraph: I must admit I don’t mind the suck up, but to be consistent, it shouldn’t matter what we look like. Love us for our minds, darling! Not to mention our compassion, wit, sensitivity…
I’d say that if you are offended by someone’s appearance, you miserable twit, that your brains expanded a thousandfold would still rattle around in a gnat’s ass, and if you are so crass to tell someone that their appearance offended you, you should take your miserable carass to a desert island so there is no one about to offend you, and the rest of the world would be spared your presence.
You’re quite wrong. You’d BETTER pick and choose which flames to use, or I’ll either delete your posts, or remove your posting privileges.
The primary purpose of this board is stomping out ignorance. There are usually a variety of ways to do this. For instance, answering a question in General Questions is one way, and you’d better not have a flame in it.
Lynn
Administrator
For the Straight Dope
Sorry you do not understand. I am not a bull in a china store. But once a dish is broken it is folly to say you can break this dish but not that one. Why you have picked me out, I do not know, but I can assure you, that you do not know me. You can see behind the curtain check.
Also if the mere apperance of a homeless family does not offend you, then you have the problem, not me. Once again you jump to judge me.
Oh dear god, I really dont want to look like Im siding with tramtwo here, but I do see his point.
Dont get me wrong, its a mean spirited person who’s just looking to get a rise out of people who continually refers to a person by whatever aspect he finds unappealing… (i.e. that ugly person, that chick with the big nose, that fat pig, that guy who smells like rotted chicken feces, etc) Its the mark of a closed mind and poor upbringing.
But… calling someone “stupid” or making fun of them because they mispell or punctuate badly with remarks like “Is English your primary language?” and the like is nitpicking and while I’m every bit as guilty of this sort of thing as the next person, I choose not to start flaming threads to combat the heartlessness of crude insulting remarks because, all in all, it would make me a hyprocrite.
Got Malk?
Tramtwo, I doubt I’d find you behind the curtain. Under a rock possibly, but not behind the curtain.
A homeless family’s homelessness would offend me, but their appearance would not.
As for your “once a dish is broken it is folly to say you can break this dish but not that one” statement, I have to say that statement is obsurd. You’re saying in effect every flame is the same as any other flame, which is pure bullshit. Insulting someone because they don’t live up to your concept of beauty is in no way similar to taking someone to task because they behave like a mean spirited asshole.
It appears that you have said things about people on this message board because you haved judged them to be ugly in appearance. I’m making my comments not about the ugliness of your appearance, but the ugliness of your soul. But the nice thing about the internet is that from this point on, I can ignore you with great ease.
Weight is an issue that we may have some control over. Some of us find that control a little difficult. As long as someone is attempting to find that control, they should be cut a little slack. To mock someone for having trouble with it is simply cruel. To mock someone for physical features that they have no control over is heinously cruel. That shit should’ve been left on the playground, but some people can’t grow up.
Just for the record, I thought Monica was HOT!!!