Anthracite, don't make me have to find you and kick your ass!

The BBQ Pit
1

In this thread you called yourself “hideous”. This is not the first time I have seen you denigrate yourself. I have never met you, I have never seen a picture of you and I have no idea what you look like. There is one thing I know for sure. You are not hideous.

I swear, the next time I hear you insult someone I respect and admire, I’m going to find out where you live, get myself a train ticket and kick your fucking ass. I don’t care if you weigh 600 pounds, are coverd in hairy warts, have a leg twisted behind one of your two deformed heads and have one tit growing put of your ass. You are not hideous.

Constantly and repeatedly you refer to yourself as unlovable and ugly. I do not like it when someone insults a friend of mine. It makes me angry and I take it personally. You wanna know why?

I am not what anyone would call beautiful. Think of all the traits that our society thinks of as beautiful in a woman. I have the exact opposite traits. There are enough people in this world who would malign and vilify me without adding my own voice to this chorus. You should know better than to add your voice to this same sickening song.

You are not ugly. You are not hideous. You are not unlovable. You shouldn’t need me to tell you this.

2

Me too!

No, no, we all hate these replies.

Anyhow, I hate it when people will say something in private (that’s not deeply, deeply personal, obviously) that they’re not willing to say in public, so I’m saying it in public: you kick a hellacious amount of bootay, Anthracite.

When I started posting here you were one of the FIRST people who acknowledged my existance, without waiting for me to have at least 100 posts under my belt, thus being somewhat “worthy.”

I really like the way Biggirl put it:

YEAH! What she said! I’d threaten to help her kick your ass, but I am incredibly wimpy.

3

Hey, Biggirl! Call me. I want a piece of that action! That’ll teach ya, Una. :slight_smile:

4

Wulll… I’m not normally big on the ‘me too’ replies, but in this case I’m going to have to add a rousing “amen to that, sister”!

5

Gotta agree with what’s been said here. Anthracite is due to get her arse rotated if she don’t stop picking on poor Anthracite… And even though I am somewhat intimidated by the thought of trying to beat up an unholy lesbian vampire who commands an army of the night, I’m sure that with perserverence and some beach towels dipped in holy water we can make her stop saying bad things about Anthracite…

In seriousness now. You don’t know me, but ever since I started reading the SDMB you’ve been one of my favorite posters. I have been impressed by your wit, your writing style, and your personality.

I have to agree with Biggirl. I don’t care what you look like, I don’t think the words “hideous” or “unlovable” could be applied to you. I don’t expect this thread, in and of itself, to fix all the body-image problems you may be having… but hopefully our good-intentioned whacking-on-the-upside-of-the-head’ing will at least make you realize that you are appreciated as a human being.

6

You are beautiful, Anthracite.

You are loving, and kind and compassionate, and always there for your friends. And I am lucky to be included in that catagory. You are intelligent, and witty, and oh yeah…you are physically attractive, too!

Scotti has SPOKEN!

7

…Wakes up…stumbles downstairs to make coffee…

…ignores pain in tummy from extreme diet…

…goes to her den, starts up the laptop…

…reads the SDMB, notes that there is a Pit thread about her…

…sighs, and wonders what she did now…

And here I am. Well, I think I have probably had more “positive” Pit threads started about me than anyone else. Also, I have probably started more Pit threads about myself than anyone else has about themselves too. Hmm.

Seriously, I appreciate the sentiment, Biggirl, and everyone else. I guess I should stop saying these things because:

  1. It doesn’t do any good.
  2. It may hurt others, who may also suffer from esteem problems. They may think I am, in a roundabout manner, criticising their appearance too as “ugly”. And I certainly do not mean to do that.
  3. It does not bother me that much anymore, since I have so many friends, and after Fierra said that one of my most terrible disfigurements was honestly “cute” - which was what took my breath away, because she was serious!

Anyhow - I just want you to know I’ll try to cut down on self-depreciation, but also know that I don’t do it consciously really - it just comes natural to my mind, after feeling this way and having been told in the past by so many, many people that I am hideous and ugly.

Thank you. Oh yes, one thing did sorta scare me in this thread here:

My ass rotated??? :eek:

8

First off I don’t normally post to pit threads and secondly I don’t normally disagree with them, so this could be interesting. Anthracite was making a valid point in that thread, one I agree with for the same reasons, that it’s easier to get to know someone without personal appearance entering into it. As someone who isn’t conventionally attractive I’m sure that has helped me with my friendships, I get to know the people BEFORE I know what they look like. Secondly I think this is a very tacky thread to start on a day that she publically acknowledges her love for a fellow doper, someone I know who is working with her to help her overcome her feelings on this matter. I know I probably will be flamed for this, so be it, this is my opinion and I will stand by it.
Keith

9

WOO! LOOK AT UNA!!!

Yeah, I mean, really! I am so with Biggirl on this one. Una, you are a beautiful, intelligent, caring, wonderful human being. I’ve told you this before, but it bears repeating. You kick ass, Una. Don’t make me go all badass on you, you don’t want to see that side of me!(Ok, for comic relief, imagine a 100 lb beanpole trying to get all “in yo’ face” at you…) :wink:

You enrich this board with both your heart and your mind. If I knew as much about everything in life as you know simply about coal, I’d be a happy camper. You constantly astound me with your research and sheer knowledge of many many things.

So in short, listen when people like Biggirl et al tell you that you are not hideous. Take what they say to heart–the people here are damn smart and know what they’re talking about. I trust fierra’s taste, too! :smiley:

Oh, and on that note: WOO! You go girl!

10

Odie-

That may be true of the specific thread mentioned in the OP, but I think the sentiments expressed here are exactly correct. It’s hard to overcome a self-esteem problem when you continue to be too hard on yourself.

And as for this:

How in the world can a thread devoted to telling Anth that she is indeed a beautiful person and should acknowledge her greatness a tacky thing to do?? It’s probably the same treatment she will get from the mystery doper who is helping her overcome these feelings.

You are usually right on the mark about alot of things, Odie, but here you fell flat on your face.

11

::whispers, cause we’re in the Pit::

but I still love you! :wink:

12

Best threat I could come up with, I’m afraid. Completely meaningless. Sounds nasty, though.

I was originally going to reply:

but that hardly seemed friendly.

Please don’t be too down on yourself. Look at all the people who came here to express their admiration for you… Take care, and good luck.

13

Take heed, Anthracite…I’m backin’ up Biggirl on this, 110%!

14

I’d rotate your ass any day, Anthracite.

15

Yeah, but I hear that Anthracite’s got a great* personality. :wink:

Oh, look! Is that Biggirl comming this way? I wonder what she wants. . .

16

I’ll chime in here as well for the OP, and add a bit on my own. I frequently see on the boards and in chat (#SD is in no way affiliated with the SDMB, blah, blah, HI JOPH! and all the rest of the boilerplate) people consistently putting themselves down. Wonderful people. People who are incredible voices on this board. Witty, wise, interesting, and oh-so-fun to talk to. Yet, they say some of the WORST things about themselves. It disturbs me greatly to hear people mock or disparage themselves in any way. We’re all flawed, but GOTdamn (obligitory Pit cursing), there’s no WAY all of you can be as hideous, despicable, and in general just no-damn-good as you believe you are. I, of course, won’t name any names here, but hopefully some of them will come to read this thread and know that I speak of them. If they do, here’s what I’d like to say:

Dear friend,

I cherish who you are. The times that we’ve talked mean more to me than you know. Your contributions to these boards edify all of us, and make me glad, personally to have found this place, and you. I wish I could make you feel better about yourself, I truly do.

However, until you choose to recognize that you are as good of a human being as all of us, and a damn sight better than most, you will continue to be miserable. You have good days and bad, and this I understand, but please, I beg of you, don’t think that you are alone. Don’t think that you deserve the bad, and the good is only luck. Calling yourself “stupid” or “ugly” or “worthless” is so self-defeating, I want to cry from the injustice of it all. If you would only take off your soot-tinted glasses and see all of the wonderful things about yourself that I, and others, see and admire, you would never have the GALL to repeat what you just said. You are the exact same person that would give an axe-muderer a second chance, yet you feel that you’ve nothing to offer us. If you’re so horrible, WHY DO WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MADLY? And if we love you, and you ARE so horrible, what does that say about us? If we’re so wonderful, would we waste our time on someone so awful?

Please, take time to think about how many more productive things you could think about, if you’d just stop being so self-derogatory. Try. For me. For all of us that care. For YOURSELF! Please try.

Love, Auntie Nym :slight_smile:

Oh, yeah, and Una, you kick ass, babe. Sorry for the hijack. :wink:

17

Nym I think this post is appropriate to this thread, you are speaking to people in general about the same things Una has been talking about. I have been in chat a lot and I recognize what you have been posting about. I’m sure that the people who are the intended recipients of your advice are going to take it to heart. I know it has made me rethink some of my actions, and I do recognize myself in what you mention. It will be hard, but I will keep your kind words in the back of my mind and that will make things easier. I know your words are spoken in friendship and I appreciate them. Thank you Nym for bringing this thread into a wider focus.

Keith

18

Is a good lady. I have no idea what you look like but I know from your posts that you are worthy.

da friend, that is my choice, not yours.
It is Grandiosity in the extreme to refuse to join a club that would stoop so low as to have you as a member.

19

Oh, Anthracite, I wish I could come visit you and give you a big ol’ super hug (I’m famous for them!). One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is how to love myself. I was put down an awful lot as a kid, mostly by my father, which made it pretty fucking hard to look in the mirror and like what I saw. And you know what? I still don’t love the way I look. I have goofy teeth, and I used to cover them up when I laughed (I finally stopped doing that a year or so ago). I have a funny looking face and my body is far from perfect. But in the past few years, I’ve been honored to know some truly wonderful people who made me see that all that didn’t matter. I still think of myself as plain most of the time, and I still look in the mirror and sigh tragically, but the reflection is not me. I’m made up of a lot more.

You are too. As a composite, you are one of the most beautiful people I know. I think you know in your heart that you have a beautiful personality - you are kind, giving, loving, generous. You are the type of person I hope I can be someday. At the same time, I know how hard it is to appreciate what you have on the inside when the outside isn’t perfect. But in all honesty, your appearence, no matter how ugly you think you are, can never ever compete with the hugeness of your character.

I know how hard it is to hate how you look. I know what it feels like to think people are judging you when you walk down the street. I know what it feels like to hear laughter and have the quiet voice in the back of your mind say, “they’re laughing at me.” I know how it feels to wake up and wish with everything you have that you were someone else, and I know how it feels when you jump in to insult yourself because you’re afraid someone else might do it first. I know, Anthracite. But dammit, you are more than that. You are already above it. I think the only person putting you down is yourself.

I was reading some stuff I wrote in my journal from my college days the other night. I wrote on one really bad day that part of being an adult is that it’s not other people breaking my heart; I’m doing it myself. It seems to me that you’re doing the same thing.

Okay, maybe this is a lot of senseless ramblings, and I’m pretty sure some jerkoff is gonna tell me to shut up. But I won’t; not on this subject. I can’t make you like yourself, but I can tell you again and again that you are not hideous or ugly, and maybe someday you’ll realize it’s the truth.

Those wonderful people who made me realize I’m more than my crooked teeth? You have a whole shitload of them here on this Board willing to do the same thing. Listen to us, please, and try to understand what we are saying, even if we have never seen a picture of you. It doesn’t matter. I promise that when you stop picking on yourself, you’ll see this.

{{{Anthracite}}}

I’m here for you, sweetie, a hundred percent.

20

Guys, guys, just so you know.

I was not seeking sympathy by any means. In fact, my life although hectic right now is overall happier and more full of hope than it has been since I started posting here. So please, I’m fine. In fact, I’m better than fine. I’m loved by Fierra. :slight_smile: