I don’t believe that I am wrong (other than the fact that I seemingly cannot preview or post anything correctly).
But you are correct in that I owe you an apology.
I’m sorry for stating things publicly that I should not have and I am sorry that I hijacked your thread (and am doing so this one last time).
Please also be aware that I think you are incredible. You continually amaze me with the sheer volume and diversity of your knowledge. You are obviously a caring and creative individual.
I’m sorry that someone has made you think of yourself as ugly, because I certainly don’t believe it is true (and I’m sure others would agree.)
You embarrass me with your praise and kind words, both of which I am unworthy .
You know what, I was hoping you would return to this thread, not so I could fight any more, but so I could express my apology to you. I’ll let you know I received a couple letters saying things along the lines of “Una, I know it might have seemed rude to you, and maybe it was, but Sue is a sweet, intelligent, great person and I’m sure you are just waaaaaaay over-reacting.”
And so I read about you, Sue. I read many of your posts.
And those who told me to calm-diddly-down, and that you were a great person, were right. I was overly defensive, and it really all boils down to one comment - the counseling one, that made me upset. And that I would welcome to chat with you, and still would, in private about such things. But at the time, for some reason it just rubbed me the wrong way. In retrospect, I guess I interpreted it as an offhand, dismissive comment, when in fact it was not. Dismissive comments get under my skin like no other ones, and since I interpreted it as such, I went off on you.
I am sorry, Sue.
You see, I’ve had a lot of counseling, and still do. I have two serious problems in my life - neither my fault. One was an event that occured long ago, yet I still suffer from it. The other is here and now, and while everyone agrees on the solution, it just cannot be done at this time without hurting others. Sound mysterious? Well, it is, I’m afraid. I’ll tell you the first one by e-mail if you wish to gain understanding; the second one only a few know about.
Want me to be more mysterious? How about this - I take no medication for depression, and have never been prescribed any, because in the opinion of the experts it would only be treating the symptoms, not the core, real problem.
Essentially, I live in a body that is loathsome and disgusting to me, and you just have to take my word for it, unless you get to know me well enough to see me IRL.
I think the true mark of anyone being happy with themselves is their ability to laugh about any insecurity/“fault”/or popularly perceived “problem” they have.
Laughing at the people who try to insult you about it is also effective.
We can´t alwasy control our circumstances, our environment, when a rapist is about to attack us or when we are about to be crippled by a bus, but we can always control, instantly, our decision to become emotional cripples or joyous fools, as a result of these things.
Life can throw as much shit as it wants, it just slids off if you eat enough greens.
Anthracite, I honestly cannot imagine you being as hideous as you see yourself. Running through a mental list of “Ugly” people I know, I honestly cannot think of any. Most people are average. Sometimes I see someone and think, “If her nose was a little different, she would be gorgeous.” But never do I see someone who is truly ugly, only people who act ugly.
You do not and never have acted ugly. You are a beautiful person who is loving, kind, caring, funny, gentle, and sweet. Even if you have a huge hunchback, if you weigh 785 pounds, if your toes are completely malformed, you are still beautiful when judged by the content of your character.
I know you didn’t want this to be personal, but in my short life I have dealt with all sorts of abuse that made me question my appearence, which then led me to question my right to live, sadly enough. I hate to see someone as sweet as you knock herself around so much.
One was an event that occured long ago, yet I still suffer from it. The other is here and now, and while everyone agrees on the solution, it just cannot be done at this time without hurting others. Sound mysterious? Well, it is, I’m afraid. I’ll tell you the first one by e-mail if you wish to gain understanding; the second one only a few know about.