Here is an actual personal ad found in my daily newspaper: FROM the Deepest Depths of my Heart and the Farthest Reaches of my Soul, I Dream ONLY of You,and THOSE that BELONG-TO-ME, Some can-not understand HOW a Man like you could EVER love a Woman like me. I say They are LOST in the very FILTH they have PERSONALLY Chosen to EXIST in their very OWN lives. I PRAY that PEACE comes to THOSE whom they HAVE HARMED and who HAVE SUFFERED GREATLY by the EVIL, HEARTLESS, DISCUSTING things THEY HAVE DONE… Some of them had a PARINOID-PHYCTIC-DILOUTION and called a “SPECIAL” meeting because, their S-T-U-P-I-P. I lay TOTAL and COMPLETE TRUST in you, My heart lies in TOTAL Peace in the WARMTH I have Found, in you kind and gentle Hands. I await you like the FURRY of a winter Storm and the Peace Found within a Gentle Rain but YET the GLOW that Exists in the Ray of Sunshine. I AWAIT you and Dream that soon you WILL Bank on me and WE will experiance the Peace and HARMONY that OUR music DESERVES…Truely and Forever, I will ALWAYS love you. My Handsome Charming Prince, P.S. if I did that, THEY’D lock ME up! Hey, I’m in love with my DOCTOR!!!
Can you top this ad?
If you thought that this ad was directed at you, would you ask for police protection?
“I thought: opera, how hard can it be? Songs. Pretty girls dancing. Nice scenery. Lots of people handing over cash. Got to be better than the cut-throat world of yoghurt, I thought.” - Seldom Bucket
This is obviously a top-secret message, disguised as a love letter.
Take all the uppercase words, and remove every other letter. Isn’t it obvious now?
Wait, maybe it isn’t elementary. Let me work on this. I’m retiring to my room with half-a-pound of shag tobacco and my trusty pipe. Please do not disturb.
That is a woman with more issues than “National Geographic”. Don’t have the exact wording of the ad, but ad ran something like, “Older man, looking for real woman; interests: duck hunting and conversation, especially about conservative politics”.
A dream date, no? Freezing your ass off in a duck blind, listening to the old coot quote Rush Limbaugh.
The ad was authentic. I found it in the Wednesday, Feb. 20th Oregonian.
Another one on the same page read: The graces of winning well-being are genius of right creation, excelent in benign personality, presence and good mindfulness. Alive with alegrity and pleasance of spirit and flavorful healthiness,the advantages of indulged self are approvability, sustainability, promotability and infinite adventure into endowed positive realities of providence. There are hopeful futures of betterness. Anar.
And they call L.A. lalaland!
