Persons in a committed LTR: how spontaneous is your lovemaking?

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

Before answering, note that I am NOT asking how frequent you and your partner(s)*
lovemaking is (although I plan to include a “we hardly ever make love anyway.” I’m wondering whether you and your inamorata** generally plan your intimate times ahead of time, generally do it on the spur of the moment, or something in between.

Also note that *lovemaking *here means any sort of sexual activity belong kissing, whether passionate, tepid, static, gymnastic, or involving twos. Entirely solo activities don’t count for obvious reasons, but I’d be inclined to rule that things like phone sex & cybersex do.

Poll in a moment. The responses will be private for reasons left as an exercise for the class.

*Hey, there might be poly or two around him. I don’t keep track of these things.
**It occurs to me that that word is sexist in this context, as it assumes only straight men & lesbians are answering. Probably I should have written inamorata/inamorato/ but I couldn’t find the slash key.

#2

How far in advance is “spontaneous” vs. “scheduled”? If come home from work and say, “Hey, let’s get it on tonight,” but we still have to put the kid to bed and do the dishes first, that feels pretty spontaneous to me, but you might not consider it to be.

I’d say we’re about 75-80% “Let’s do it this weekend” (and that actually pans out about 80-90% of the time), and 20-25% “Let’s get it on tonight/this afternoon/as soon as we’re done polishing the colanders.”

One of us jumping the other’s bones with literally no advance warning happens exactly never, anymore. Such is life with offspring. But it’s cool.

#3

Spontaneous is what each poster judges to be spontaneous.

I’d say this: if you would have made love immediately under the circumstances you name, and delayed for purely practical considerations, it would count as spontaneity. If you would NOT have made love immediately absense those practical considerations – that is, you simply must take a shower and spread rose petals over the bed and otherwise take an hour or two to prepare for lovemaking-- it is scheduled.

But I could be wrong. I never thought Barack Obama would be president either.

#4

So noted, and so voted.

#5

It’s funny how spontaneous is often framed as sexier than scheduled – there’s something to be said about knowing that you will be going at it in a matter of hours (or even days), like fore-foreplay.

#6

I too was not sure what counts as ‘spontaneous’. It is rare that we go straight from 0 to 60 anymore at the drop of a hat after close to 14 years of marriage, although it does happen and we don’t have kids to get in the way. There is certainly scheduled weekend action, but how do you count it when your wife says, “When you come back from walking the dog in the next half hour, I’ll be upstairs watching porn and waiting for you!” Is a 30 minute warning not spontaneous? What if you go upstairs and your wife breaks the mood somewhat to shower because she isn’t feeling “all that fresh down there”. Is that not spontaneous?

#7

I counted the “We should totally have sex tonight” rolls in the hay as scheduled. I would describe the vast majority of our lovemaking as spontaneous, though.

#8

If it sorta just happens but it sorta just happens almost every day at almost the same time without any prior discussion on the subject does that count as spontaneous or scheduled?

#9

It depends, does it just sorta happen because the Outlook 15 minute mtg reminder just popped up on your computer?

#10

My encounters with Madam Palm are pretty much always spontaneous. :smiley:

#11

:: makes note to send over hookerbots ::

#12

With a teenager in the house and drastically different work/sleep schedules, it’s often a scheduled kind of thing. It’s also a rather infrequent thing, at the moment, which is sad :frowning:

#13

It’s getting harder and harder to be spontaneous, but that’s mostly just because Mrs. Giraffe has gotten very cagey about leaving her drinks unattended.

#14

I voted “entirely planned in advance.” We don’t actually discuss it in advance, but it is understood that it is only to be done on Saturday or Sunday morning (and not both on a given weekend, nor does it happen every weekend) or any morning when we are staying in a hotel without the kids. I still try to initiate it other times but I am rebuffed almost 100% of the time.

#15

Not sure what to answer. We don’t schedule our sessions, exactly, unless “I’m going to take your clothes off later” counts as scheduling. But during the week it’s pretty much set when we’re going to have sex, just because of our regular work schedules.

#16

Probably half and half or so. On a busy week we might say, “We need to tomorrow night.” Other times it’ll be spur of the moment or one of us will wake up in the night in the mood.