Question for the female Dopers...

When is the latest someone interested in you can call you for a date? Earliest? Let’s hear your dating rules.

[sub]Hoping Medea’s Child answers since I have a huge crush on her. tiggeril, too.[/sub]

You called?

I don’t really understand the question. Earliest in the day? The relationship? Time before the event? Explain things slowly for the blond among you.

Okay, what I meant was this: If I were asking you out for Friday night, say, what would be the earliest day that I could do that without seeming impetuous/obsessive/weird/etc. Conversely, what would be the latest day that I could call to assume that you hadn’t made plans already for Friday night? I know that several people (myself included) prefer to be spontaneous, but there are also people that prefer to know in advance what their weekend plans are. I have no boundaries of my own, so I have trouble recognizing them in other people. Does that help any?

Yup, that helps. (and if you want to get on AIM, I have nothing I’m doing for another hour…)

Well, I have standing plans on Fridays, so you can ask however early you want, I won’t be able to make it.

For a time where I have no real commitment yet, as early as a week and as late as the day before wouldn’t give me pause. Earlier or later would amuse me. (So you want to go right now? giggle Okay, well I guess I’m free, lets go! thinks…spontaneous…cute OR Yea, I could try to pencil you in for December giggle I might be able to plan that in. thinks…a planner…might be dependable…)

But I’m easily amused. I would only get annoyed if there was an extreme pattern. Like we could never do anything unless we had talked it over seven months ago or we never dropped plans and went and did something on the spur of the moment. One instance, no big deal. A pattern of obsessive/careless behavior, a bigger deal.

Actually, I can’t. I’m not at home…Playing on my laptop, which doesn’t have AIM on it. As for spontanaety, MC, wanna run off tonight? I can pick up the ankle restraints we discussed, and be in Pittsburgh shortly after midnight…?

I’m just gonna pretend I didn’t see all that shameless flirting! :smiley:
I don’t have any boundaries what-so-ever so basically anytime is ok with me. But then again, it kinda scares me when guys ask me to go somewhere like 3 weeks in advance…
~Kittie

The best advice I ever heard about asking someone on a date is to ask him/her to a specific event at a specific date and time. “I have tickets to the (sport team name here) game on the 14th. Would you like to go with me?” as opposed to, “Wanna go out some time?” Definitely gets better results with me. Plus, it cuts down on ambiguity for the person who’s answering you.

“Yes, I’d love to.”

“Ooh, I can’t that weekend. But let me know if you get tickets again.”

“Ugh, I hate sports. Do you ever go to concerts?”

“No.” grimace

As to how early or late to ask, I think you don’t want to make it obvious that this person wasn’t your first choice.

Before Wednesday. At least from my point of view.

Personally, I think the spontenaity (sp?!) is better further into the relationship. I mean, now is the time you’re trying to prove yourself the dependable, yet fun, guy.

Unless we had been friends for a while before. I mean, if I’ve known you for a year or so 'cause we’ve worked together, sure, heck, ask me Friday afternoon, “Hey, what do you have going tonight? Wanna catch a movie?”.

However, new person? Planning.

Just my $0.02.

Oh, plus I was taught never to call people after 9:00 p.m. Man, mom was strict about that.

Well, you see, then we have the issue of my current life. I have to be up early tomorrow. And I have work.

I’m free… Sunday? (If I’m a good girl and do Thermo early.)

Sunday just might be doable…:wink:

My mom always said a young man should call before Wednesday if he wanted a Friday or Saturday date – otherwise, a young lady should be “too busy.” (Social butterflies such as we are book up way ahead.) But then Mom thinks she’s Donna Reed.

The truth is that I don’t care when I’m asked. If I can go and I want to go, I’ll go. But there is a difference between “So you wanna go to the movies tonight?” and “I have tickets for this evening’s symphony; would you like to come?” I would assume in the former case that it was a spontaneous plan. I would assume in the latter case that I wasn’t the first choice of guest but that Choice No. 1 fell through. I’d probably still go if I were free, but I’d certainly believe I wasn’t the first choice. So I guess it kind of depends on the nature of the plans.

<<But there is a difference between “So you wanna go to the movies tonight?” and “I have tickets for this evening’s symphony; would you like to come?” I would assume in the former case that it was a spontaneous plan. I would assume in the latter case that I wasn’t the first choice of guest but that Choice No. 1 fell through. I’d probably still go if I were free, but I’d certainly believe I wasn’t the first choice. >>

And that’s why I’d say “I got tickets to the symphony, and I was planning to go with my mother, but she had an emergency come up. Would you like to go with me?”

But, well, I haven’t asked anyone out in a long time.

Corr

Let’s see. I dunno about rules but I have an anecdote. I met a guy who’d just moved to town (worked with some friends of mine). That was on a Friday. Gave him my phone number 'cuz we said maybe we’d go out the next night–the “next night” thing was fine, because he’d just moved here and didn’t know anyone. Plus he worked with people I knew. He called me fairly early the next day to see if I wanted to get started early. I distinctly remember thinking that this made him seem overeager, desperate and loserly. I really started to have second thoughts about going out with him at all.

But then when he picked me up, he had all his parachute gear in the car and he’d already been jumping that day. I thought it was pretty impressive that he’d just moved here and had already found the jump zone, so I revised my opinion. It turns out he’s completely open–he was bored, wanted to call. He wasn’t desperate or loserly. But he certainly made me think he was, my kneejerk response anyway.

If I’m free and I want to go, and you’re not a complete jerk, I’ll go. It doesn’t matter when you ask me. General guideline - the earlier you ask, the less likely I am to have already made plans. I make it a policy never to cancel plans with one person to do something with another, so asking early is a good thing.

As to the “I have tickets to the symphony” thing - I wouldn’t necessarily assume I wasn’t the first choice. Maybe the guy got the tickets from work, or from a buddy who was going to go with his girlfriend who he just caught with another guy, or…

…maybe he “just happens to have tickets to the symphony” that he’s going to buy the second he gets off the phone.

Nonny

My rules were really fluid: baseline was call before Wednesday night for a Fri/Sat night, but rules were made to be broken or bent. Tickets to the symphony on a night I wasn’t busy would rate a “Sure!”
I like the symphony.
Offering me something I want is a good thing. Having a concrete plan can be a good thing. Indicating you’d like to spend your time with me can be a good thing.

:::::notes that she is not mentioned, Miss C crosses Superdude off the list of potential suitors::::::::

Aw, come on, darlin’…I thought yours was an understood listing. :slight_smile:

oh, you’re not getting off the hook THAT easy!!

I was just thinking the same thing…

If we’re already dating, you can call me on Thursday- or even Friday afternoon- for a Friday date, but accept that I’ve probably already made plans.

If it’s our first date, call me before Wednesday or forget about it.

Unless I already really like you, in which case I may cut you some slack.

Or unless it’s some really impressive unschedulable event. (“Hey, I just won tickets to the Abba* concert on the radio for tonight, want to come?”)

*Abba is used for example purposes only. Do not call and invite me to an Abba concert.