This one’s been getting some use these past couple of days:
**“Ya shyot me!!” ** (said in a Jon Lovitz voice, from SNL)
Makin’ Copies!
If I ever say “wicked” it’s usually ala the Monty Python “Wink wink, nudge nudge” sketch.
I’ve said that. Except “hat” was replaced with the other end of one’s anatomy.
uh, yeah…that’s the ticket!
Ohhhh…Ffffffuuhhhhhhdddjjjjjj
It. Was. SOAP! POI-SONING!
A wierdly written error message that I get out of the mainframe now and then deserves a silly voice, but I’m just not sure what sort of voice it needs:
SOMEONE MUST HAVE SLIPPED IN AND ADDED THIS LID TO THE TABLE AFTER I CHECKED IT FOR YOU, 'CAUSE IT’S IN THERE NOW. SORRY; YOU’LL HAVE TO START OVER.
Weird. Is it signed “HAL?”
I’M SORRY DAVE, YOU’LL HAVE TO START OVER.
Also, I was just reminded that, ever since I first saw South Park, I have been unable to read William Blake’s poem “Tyger” without Cartman’s voice.
Put…the candle…back.
It’s twoo! It’s twoo!
a friend’s former cow-orker’s name was Kendell Beck. Really. No one could get any work done if they heard his full name.
Aflack
Channeling Strother Martin:
“What we’ve got heah… is failure… to communicate.”
I am not a crook.
I’ll buy that for a dollar !!
To my wife:
Stella!
To mom:
Top of the world, ma!
To Dad:
*You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin’ to? You talkin’ to me? Well, I’m the only one here. Who do the f**k do you think you’re talking to? Oh, yeah? Ok.
*
To my kids in the back seat of the car:
Fasten your seat belts, it’s gonna be a bumpy night.
To my dry cleaner, when he fails to get the mustard stain off my shirt:
I know what you’re thinking: ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?
On a sketch show a few years ago - it might have been Harry Enfield or The Fast Show or something like that, there was a very irritating and officious ticket inspector character, whose response to just about anything would be to demand to see “a valid tick-et”.
Now, whenever I see a notice on the Tube warning of penalty fares if you “cannot produce on demand a valid ticket for your entire journey” I find myself reading it in that voice. Gah.
On this note, I am unable to say the word “buttercup” without at least thinking “buh-uh-kwup” the way that guy said it during the “mawwiage” ceremony. This means I’ve been caught singing “Build Me Up, Buh-uh-kwup,” and also quoting Ferris Beuller’s principal as saying, “Pucker up, Buh-uh-kwup!” My sister and I are in our 30’s and this still sends us off into gales of laughter.
"Ooh, ouch, OKAY, lay off willya!!!
My sister is forcing me to admit it–she’s only 32, but I’m actually almost 40.
Señor Wences: " 'sall right? 'sall right."
Salad Fingers: “I like rusty spoons.”
My wife: “How DARE you come home at this hour?”
Sean Connery: “My name is Bond, Jaymsh Bond.” and “You’ll rue the day, Trebek!”
“Where is my earth-shattering kaboom?”
Likewise, when I come home and my wife is in the other room and calls out, “Is that you?” the answer is always, “It is I – Leclaire!”
Ooh! That makes me SO angry!