Extreme Couponer
“… to ribbons, you say…”
“…dental records have identified…”
“…after coming in contact with a live power line…”
“…Westboro Baptist Church member…”
“. . . the one we all remember for accidently awakening Cthulhu. . .”
“died like on that CSI that time…”
“died like on that Law & Order: SVU that time…”
“died like on that Criminal Minds that time…”
‘French’
‘could not be identified due to the advanced state of decomposition’
‘said a hospital spokesman, choking back tears…’
‘will be appointed a public defender’
‘arraignment is set for Tuesday’
‘Democrat’
‘strewn over several hundred miles’
‘several dozen officers’
‘search planes’
‘Cleveland’
“convicted of the same crime as that character on Law & Order: SUV that time…”
‘resident of Cleveland’
‘found by specially trained dogs’
‘sentenced to five consecutive life prison terms’
‘helicopter search called off due to darkness’
‘accidental overdose’
‘amputated’
‘uncontrolled bleeding’
‘former associate of Jimmy Hoffa’
Mouth breather
White supremacist
Holocaust-denier
Antivaxxer. now that one really scares me…
And Hoarder…
One naturally follows the other, n’est-ce pas?
‘first hostage to be executed’
‘caught in the flaming wreckage’
‘whose parachute failed to open’
…in a drunken stupor…
‘horribly disfigured’
‘lost and presumed dead’
‘among the many listed as missing’
‘faced the gunmen armed with a broom’
‘was last seen wearing a red coat’
‘at the bottom of…’
‘driving westbound in the eastbound lanes of…’
‘ballistics test results confirmed’
You know, about a week ago, I Googled an old friend’s name and phone number to tell him and his wife that I would be visiting my old hometown.
Imagine my surprise when his picture came up before I finished typing. Along with the phrase “Kills Two”
Not joking. And like the stereotype, he was always the quiet jovial type …
‘neighbors described him as quiet’
‘pending notification of next of kin’
‘attempted to bathe a cat’
‘apparently lost control’
“Parents of baby in bucket”
(which I saw in a headline while throwing some old newspapers into the recycling bin this weekend.)
That’s how it normally goes. 