Pick a schedule and stick to it! or Get you shit together and play as a team!

The BBQ Pit
1

All right, ladies, I’ve about had it with you. This bullshit has got to stop. You’re going to have to make a schedule and fucking stick to it, or you’re all out of here.

I don’t know why you decided to get into a 37-40 day cycle all of a sudden, but we’ve been dealing with that quite well for some years now. It was a little funky and off the beaten path, but I’ve come to expect that sort of thing from you girls. It’s part of your (dubious) charm. So, now that we’re all settled into our routine, what’s the fucking deal with this 28 day bullshit, bitches?

What’s that? You just thought it would be funny? Funny, you say. Come to think of it I was rather amused when I suddenly started dropping blood clots unexpectedly in the middle of the night. And when the cramps hit, why, that was just the acme of hilarity. Oh, wait, no it wasn’t.

Now, look, ovaries. I know that things have been a little stressful lately, and that’s probably mucked up production somewhat. So what’s your excuse for the wild fluctuations of the past? You know, the mood swings, the migraines, the occasional skipped cycle, all the other stupid shit you routinely do to me? Well? What do you have to say for yourselves?

And what the fuck are you smirking about, uterus? At least they contribute something here. You don’t contribute anything useful, and you never will. Oh, don’t give me that bullshit about babies. There ain’t gonna be any babies around here, so just get over yourself. You just sit around taking up space and making trouble. Don’t you think for a second I don’t know it’s you keeping me awake with cramps every month. Just you wait, chickie, one of these days your ass is outta here.

Oh, and when I take you to the doctor for your new birth control device, I don’t want any whining from you. None of your “Eeewww, I don’t like that and I’m gonna spit it out” garbage, you hear me? I’m not putting up with any of that petty revenge cramping out of you, either. And don’t you even fucking think about perforating as soon as my back’s turned. I’m watching you, and don’t you fucking forget it.

In short, get your shit together, stick to a schedule and play as a team, or you’re getting cut. Understand?

2

I was hoping the latter part of your statement was referring to the Spurs.

Guess not. Nice rant though.

3

Where’s the TMI warning? :eek:

4

TMI? Really? On a board where we routinely have blowjob discussions and graphic, detailed descriptions of people’s sex lives, bowel movements, and health problems, this merits a TMI warning? Interesting concept.

5

CCL, can I stick a microphone in my nether regions and have you give this pep talk to them? They are pissing me off. They are quite aware that babies are a good 2-3 years off, yet they persist in giving me pregnancy scares once a month. I am very careful with my BC and use two backup methods, yet I can never seem to start on the same day every month.

Would you mind giving them a bit of a scream like you just did to yours? My sanity would appreciate it.

Ava

6

**Slightly TMI **

An inspired rant, I was alternately commiserating, giggling, and grossing out a bit.

When you’re done with Ava, can you do the same for me?

Give special attention to the fibroids who have taken up residence in my uterine walls, the fluctuations and bladder infections are all their fault, the Gyn says so. Last month was 4 days early, this month 2 days late. I’m on the pill, I’m not even supposed to ovulate, and my cycle is supposed to be like clockwork.

I will eventually need a histerectomy to rid myself of fibroids permanently. They will grow back within 4 to 5 years. Gyn is not ready to take them out yet though.