Aw, Hell. I don’t eat meat. Boiling water, huh? Geez, lobstermobster, that’s a tough break.
So… what you got, WhyNot? Got anything for a extroverted treehugging tequila-swilling audiophile to get behind?
A puppy AND kitten in every pot? You got my vote!
LobsterMobster–send this nerd into the abyss!
I like your PR. Given that yours is the only commercial or ad I’ve seen, you get my vote, LM. What’s with the crossing guard thingy across your thorax?
OBVIOUSLY that is ammo strapped across my chest. And maybe I’m just old fashioned but I would never threaten to cook and eat my delicious opponent WhyNot.
Also, I will not be standing on ANY puppies or kittens. I do however, promise to flip the bird at all countries that give us any sass, pass a law banning crocs with socks, and provide federal budget for Tuesday Boozeday block parties in every major metropolitan. And since everyone here is a total slutmonkey and doesn’t want to run with me I will have to run with my dog Ignatius who promises to refrain from pooping in the oval office except on holidays.
As tempting as the platforms of the other candidates sound, Kythereia is the only one who has promised two healthy, fit men for my bed – human male bedmates trump puppies and kittens – as well as FREE BEER on hockey nights, so she still gets my vote.
Sampiro, obviously a reincarnation of Caligula or some other great party giver of the Roman Empire, needs to have his own regime on a tropical island and where his henchperson, Fetchund, (and don’t “hench” and “Fetch” have such a significant resonance?) can give full reign to piratical and assassinatory impulses. And his subjects can wear those fetching (aha! another resonance!) garments that Sampiro will mandate without worrying about staying warm.
lob, I saw your picture - you’ve got guns and beer. That’s good enough for me!
I’m sure your dog is more trustworty than most people. I’m in.
Yeah, but her taste in beer sucks.
Ok, re-tally. A couple of y’all voted twice, or changed your vote. I didn’t really care, I included it all. Here goes!
for POTUS:
lobstermobster 4
Brain-Glutton
WhyNot 7
Hippy Hollow 3
OpalCat
silenus
Liberal
John Mace 5
sturmhauke
Left Hand of Dorkness
King of Soup
Stranger on a Train
Paul in Saudi
Bricker 2
Swampbear
Elendil’s Heir
Scylla
Sauron
Master Wang-Ka
Cervaise
Triskadecamus 3
Sampiro 3
Eve
Bobtheoptimist
Cecil
Autocyclus
Bosda
Boyo Jim
What Exit
Sarahfeena
Jodi
Dinsdale
Eve
Kytheria 2
diggleblop
Sarahfeena 1
elucidator
FairyChatMom
Sunspace
Bosda Di’Chi
**For VP: **
Sampiro 4
Lieu
Liberal
Bricker
Tool of the Conspiracy 1
Sunspace 1
Miller
Swampbear
**And miscellaneous cabinet staff: **
Surgeon General Qadgop the Mercotan
5 star general SSG Schwartz
CIC of Church Revenant Threshold
Agriculture & fish lobstermobster
World Religions Liasion x Der Trihs
Sec of State Anaamika
Sec of Interior WhyNot
Sec of Defence Elucidator
Speaker of the house Bricker
Labor Sec Swampbear
Attorney General Jodi
Press Secretary Cervaise
**Other (apparently random) positions **
Bacon Salt recipe research Asimovian
PM pf Canada Kythereia Kythereia
Brewmaster General Silenus
Vice Brewmaster Swampbear
Corset Inspector General Chowder
A king Sampiro
I drink Old Style - it’s not like I’m hard to please.
Stop Swiftboating.
I mean that there will always be room for Puppies & Kittens in America after I am elected.
Aaaaannnd I’m also for Federal subsidies to local Mental Health Centers.
I nominate elucidator. Just what we need in a POTUS – a more-or-leftist ex(?)-hippie with a real sense of humor.