[hijack]The Master['s Staff] speaks: Spitting Image. [/hijack]
On preview:
Tuckerfan: Yes. It is the perfect explanation. Glad I thought of it. 
It’s interesting how whenever Tom seems to be suffering from some bad publicity, he’d trot out a pregnant Katie and now a baby. I predict the marriage will not take place until he has another stint of bad publicity.
You are my new bestest friend.
BTW, I believe this was the idea for that picture.
I think she’s adorable and she looks like both Tom and Katie. Now, if only Tom will let Katie near the baby. . …
I just think it’s funny that the headline on the magazine cover says “Yes, Suri, She’s Our Baby!”
It just seems they “doth protest too much.” I mean, obviously there are rumors about Suri’s parentage, but such a blatant, ardent denial seems a little out of place. Something more subdued would be more appropriate. But then again, I don’t think Tom knows how to do “subdued”.
“Yes! She’s OUR baby! Do doubt about it! Definitely! Here’s photographic proof!”
Kind of similar to how Tom explained his love for Katie when they first got together.
“She is the most amazing person ever! I love her! Because I am a heterosexual man! Who is attracted to gorgeous women! I’ve never been happier!”
Gah! I meant to say “NO doubt about it”, not “DO doubt about it.”
Loads of Middle Eastern & South Asian babies are born with a full-on rug that keeps growing and growing, including yours truly. I remember my parents telling me that when they brought us to Canada they couldn’t walk through the stores without people ruffling their hands through our (me and my sister) baby emo-shags (my parents said it was also the first time they had seen babies “that bald” as they put it). I have a friend who is American, married to an Indian dude who had a baby with way more hair than that kid (and is also incredibly gorgeous). I remember when Madonna got knocked up the first time around-I think her paramour is of Latin American origin and the first pics of Lourdes were with tons of hair as well (and the slightest outline of a 'stache).
What can I say. Some of us from hairier parts of the world come out looking like water buffaloes.
That said, I think they might have stolen that tot out of a lebanese orphanage and the coverpiece has the kid’s hairline combed weird such that it’s a wee bit toupee looking.
Gawker supposedly has an un-retouched photo from the photoshoot.
http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2006/09/suricruises.jpg
That poor kid has definitely been photoshopped in the other photos. She looks completely different, although she’s still a cute baby. Also, she’s standing up on Tom’s knee. 3 month old babies don’t do that!
It’s a reference to an old, old song – “Yes, Sir, That’s My Baby.”
In the picture from Light Strand’s post the baby looks Icelandic. Like Bjork.
Uh, yeah they do. NEWBORN babies (minutes old) have a “walking reflex” where they straighten and bend their legs when the bottoms of their feet touch something. A three month old will certainly straighten her little legs if they reach Daddy’s lap. It’s not like she’s supporting her weight. She doesn’t look that different, she just looks like she’s squinting because of the wind machine, like her folks.
But, once again, looks like poor Katie’s along for the ride. Does she ever get to hold the baby?
Looks like she inherited papa’s perpetual sun squint to me. Tom has always had narrow, squinty eyes.
Blech, come on guys, I feel filthy for defending the guy. 
Can you imagine what the baby would look like if he and Renee Zellwegger mated?
Nope, not nearly squinty enough. Their spawn would be unable to open its eyes.
I don’t see the resemblance to Tom at all. To me, that kid looks just like Miss Katie’s ex, Chris Klein . The eyes especially, but even the nose and eyebrows.
I don’t get the “Asian” comments. Her eyes look a lot like Katie’s. Especially if I compare the baby’s eyes to Katie’s on this poster (which came out long before Katie met Tom.)
Suri’s cute. She looks a lot like Katie. I wonder if they used a donor, or just had Katie cloned in the lab…
- Kid looks older than they’re saying.
- Kid doesn’t look like Tom.
- Kid’s hair looks hella fake.
- That unretouched photo makes me think there’s some developmental birth defect issues going on.
- If that’s the best they could do with the professional retouching talents at the command of Vanity Fair for their frickin’ cover, I shudder to think how scary that kid looks in real life.
- I’m genuinely concerned that if #4 is true, that poor kid is in Scientology hands, where whatever is wrong will be treated with vitamins and Kelly Preston’s dimwitted optimism.
Time will tell.
Alien Suri appears here: