Suri Speculation

Ok fellow dopers - I haven’t had access to a computer in a while. (Thus starting 3 threads in one day). But I’m curious on the take here regarding the non-appearance of the Tom Cruise baby.
Yes, yes. I know this is trivia. (but I need comic relief from real world problem) - so why do you all think the little one has not appeared? I’d like to believe they just want to keep the child out of the limelight, but given the obnoxious spotlight-hogging antics of the parental couple, that seems out of character, to say the least.
So, lay on the snark. but make it funny not obscene.

The last time I laid on a snark I got a nasty rash. But that’s neither here nor there…

Look, Tom may be big on the Scientology, but he’s been known to do or say things that aren’t all that loony, for instance:

–“I’ll have some coffee with those egs.”

–“Salary cap? You want to limit my salary to $5M for the picture? Tell you what, for $5M you can get Hasselhoff to headline and I’ll go check the other studios, 'kay?”

–“I hear that responsible parents keep their newborn children away from media glare. Let’s try that for a while.”

After that, he starts gibbering about Thetans and the dark history of Psychiatry again.

I think she has a physical birth defect that cannot be operated on until she’s atleast 6 months old… We will not see her until she is a one year old.

Katie has post-partum depression and won’t let Tom parade Suri around until he gets her some drugs.

I think maybe they are just hiding them. Did we often see Tom and Nicole’s adopted children when they were babies/young?

From speculation on MSNBC. Suri is being kept away from noise.

How about, “No one whose name is not “Tom Cruise” or “Katie Holmes” has any particular right to see the baby, as she is not a toy created for the world’s amusement?”

I agree, but most people take their child somewhere other than their own house and grounds by the time the child is three months old.

Yes, but most people don’t have intrusive morons trying to snap pictures of said baby regardless of the inconvenience or peril to mother or child.

Then why not get a doll or a rental baby to pacify the crowds so they’ll just go away?

“Rental baby”?


Check the yellow pages.

“Babies R Us” has rentals, I’m sure.

Or you could check eBay.


Somebody remind me to put a stop to that once my legions have overrun Earth, okay?

You want a rental baby? I can get you a rental baby, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a rental baby by 3 o’clock this afternoon…

I was glad to see that Katie, erm, Kate Holmes is looking to start acting again. She hasn’t been completely taken over by her husband’s will.

You know, I always wanted to start my own business…

I can see it now: the rental baby and the real Suri will get switched and the real Suri will go to live as an old-fashioned street urchin, until the day she stumbles into the Scientology headquarters and gets her first reading and breaks the machine with her mighty mind powers. Only one person has had these readings before. Father and daughter are reunited and go on to star in Battlefield Earth 2: Snakes on a DC-8.

The end.

…with nail polish