I just wanted to say that the current classic column now up, the one about corkscrew shaped penises on pigs, from 1984, is the first Straight Dope I ever read. It was in a paper in Chicago, on the university of Chicago campus.
so, here’s to the person who asked that question! They brought me to the Straight Dope.
As the owner of a miniature potbellied pig, Burger, I can confirm that they have manparts of a corkscrewish appearance.
I’ve only seen it a few times. Most of the time he looks like he has a weird belly button. Six or seven longish bristles/hairs stick out of a hole he urinates from. These three pictures give you a good idea of it, right there mid-belly between parallel rows of vestigial nipples:
He lies like that when he wants a belly rub.
Most pet pigs like this are neutered at a few weeks old. Whole boars get violent and develop a strong smell at around a 18 months. When we got Burger he was whole.
At ten months, Burger developed an amorous attitude for a sunny spot on the back deck. The penis twirled out – yes it does twirl, and I think it’s clockwise. It looked more like an augur bit than a wine corkscrew to me, just the last few inches, but I was working hard to keep my lunch down whenever I saw it. A week or so of this flirting, and he finally went all the way. The penis twirled a remarkable length compared to his body size, and touched the deck between his forehooves, depositing a deckstaining load of baby pig mix. This is at odds with the research materials quoted in Cecil’s column, in that he didn’t corkscrew into an appropriately-shaped sow cervix, but I saw what I wish I could unsee.
We got him fixed a few days later. I still see a few inches of corkscrew appear perhaps every few months if Burger has just peed and rushes over in an agitated state. You need to be at a low vantage point to catch a glimpse, so, say, sitting on the floor. There’s never been a repeat performance like that day on the deck, thank the heavens.
A year of exposure to the elements did not expunge that tablespoon-sized splotch from the porch boards.
So, what you’re saying is, if you get pig cum on your deck you’re screwed?
BTW, I hate to admit that I looked closely and I couldn’t see it.
How could a corkscrew penis screw into a similarly-shaped vagina? I mean the boar doesn’t rotate like a corkscrew going into a cork, does he.
According to Hal Newcome’s description, the penis does. How this might be accomplished internally, I do not know.
(And I thought the forked penis/vagina of kangaroos was bizarre. How naive I was.)
Here’s a webpage with a decent illustration for those having difficulty envisioning the organ in question:
http://scienceblogs.com/clock/2007/07/friday_weird_sex_blogging_cork.php
Thanks for the link to the illustration, Seydell. Now I have a file on my desktop named “A pig’s reproductive tract.jpeg”. “Sheath”, hah.
Christ almighty. The illo and explanation of the boar’s penis… yikes. Seems to indicate a counter-clockwise spiral though, don’t it?
I have questions about my piggy that don’t get answered. Sex stuff is known to us because of husbandry and farming bacon, I get it. But Burger has two or three pore-like structures on the anterior of the knees of his fore-legs that become clogged with pusslike or fibrous material. They don’t seem to bother him, though I occasionally pick out the occluding matter in the course of grooming. But man, what the hell is with those pores?
i love you all. class woulda been boring today if i hadn’t read all this.
Maybe Burger has “kneesles.”
The deck wishes he had smallcox.
Even more fun: the straws they use for swine artificial insemination are corkscrew shaped too!
By the way, the Google Ad that is showing for me on the column in question is for Metrokane Wine Accessories, featuring, of course, corkscrews.
Porkscrew!
Okay, you’ve come up with the product name. Now we just have to line up a manufacturer and plan on having it in the stores (say, Spencer Gifts and Urban Outfitters) by Christmas time, and we’re on easy street.
It’s on a rotational bearing? I simply don’t believe it. To the best of my knowledge the bacterial flagellum is the only wheel-like structure in the animal kingdom.
I doubt it spins like a pinwheel. I bet as it becomes engorged, it rotates a bit. Think of a hose that’s coiled one way, then as water goes through it … it straightens. The natural shape of the hose may be straight, but the natural shape of the pig penis is corkscrew.
Good, because according to later posts, it’s not true. Sorry.
Too bad, though. I thought I’d stumbled across a whole new realm of anatomic possibilities.
From Cecil’s post: “…male pig have a corkscrew-shaped wanker”
I’ve never heard that term used for the actual member itself - is that an Americanism or a mis-use of the English (and colonies) slang term for what Americans would usually call a jerk-off?