Fargo II: Blood Money
The killer from Fargo escapes, and leaves a trail of destruction as he heads towards a fateful kung-fu battle to the death with Frances McDormand, with the fate of the world in the balance!
The Truman Show II: Truman California. Truman has found freedom in the real world, away from the cameras- or has he? No. He hasn’t, It’s just a much larger dome.
The Truman Show III: Truman America. See above. Repeat as long as profitable.
Friday the Thirteenth part…whatever…: Jason tires of the grind, and becomes a professor of classics at a small midwestern university. Shot in black and white, it features a low key, unconsumated love affer between him and a student, and endless talking. Written by Mamet.
Weekend At Bernie’s 2: After their adventure at Bernie’s weekend house (events of “Weekend At Bernie’s”) accountants/programmers oafish Larry and up-tight Richard return to New York only to be blamed by the insurance company they all worked for Bernie’s theft of two million dollars and fired. Larry and Richard investigate and discover that the money is somewhere in St Thomas in the Virgin Islands. Meanwhile the Cartel Bernie was stealing the money for hires a Voodoo Queen to help them find the money. She tells Henry and Charles to steal Bernie’s body and raise it from the dead to lead them to the money. Unfortunately Henry and Charles goofed and Bernie can only move when he hears music. Richard, Larry and Bernie all go to St Thomas to find the money with the aid of Claudia only to be followed by Hummel, a company security officer, who believes that Larry and Richard stole the money as well as Henry and Charles. Who will get to the money first?..
Um, like these three softcore actresses go into the hills of New Jersey, which look amazingly lke the hills of southern California, searching for the Blair Wench, a magical being which leaves mystic signs like crossed dildoes on the ground and blow-up dolls hanging upside down in the trees. They hike through hills and stream, getting increasingly lost and increasingly naked, emoting with all the subtlety and quietness of the original Blair Witch actors, but with the added advantage of huge bouncy tits and hot round asses, which of course adds to the occult horror…
David Dunn opens a regional school for breakdancing and discovers his lack of talent at grinding his booty.
Jaws V: The Return of the Jilted
A great white files for divorce after discovering his missus was fooling around with Richard Dreyfuss.
Tagline runs “That dude Be WHACK!!!”
Gone With The Wind II: Scarlett’s Revenge
After years spent in isolation, Scarlett O’ Hara is finally driven to insanity. She cracks and goes after Rhett Butler, only to discover he is married to a prostitute called Betty. In anger she savagely murders both his children while they’re on a camping trip, feasting on thier succulent bodies.
Later she discovers they are not his children, Rhett Butler died of a venereal infection long ago and that she has actually killed the children of a potato farmer.
On the plus side, she has learnt much about herself.
Driven II: This time it gets faster
Sly’s back to tickle your loins. Jimmy Blye is now undergoing rehabilitation for sex offenders. After fondling Estella Warrens breasts (an incident described as an “accident”) he and Beau Brandenberg face a final showdown on the temple mount. Here the one true immortal of motor racing will be decided. Joe Tanto (Sly) referees.
Babe III: Babe in Hawaii-The Luau
The Lion King IV: The Safari
National Velvet II- N.V. meets the Corleone mob and ends up sleeping in separate pieces
Lassie’s Revenge Lassie finds out she has been neutered and there are no little puppies in her future. Everybody ends up in the well, especially Timmie.
Old Yeller II His ghost comes back to get revenge. “Are there no vetinarians?”
With all the movies that are remaking old TV shows, how about the reverse? From movie to weekly situation comedy TV Show: Lord of the Rings: Sam and Rosie – The lovely hobbit couple raises their children, in a romantic situation comedy. One of the children finds a splinter of Saruman’s broken staff, and is secretly able to do minor annoying magic tricks, like cause a hot-foot or levitate water balloons.
Actually, follow a modern medical unit as it treats soldiers injured in the ongoing Iraq war and you might have something.
The problem is going to be that you won’t be able to inject all the sophomoric frathouse humour that peppered MASH* in its early seasons, nor Alan Alda’s leftist anti-war politics from the latter seasons. Scrubs gets away with combining comedy and snetimentality, but not in a war setting.