C’mere. I gotta secret that’ll blow the lid off the whole thing.
Y’know how the trolls who come around here usually have some form of monomania? Some intense attachment to a single idea? With fatherjohn it’s SUVs, with Kay Kay it’s oral sex, and with Cecil Adams it’s hopping into a sauna with Englebert Humperdinck.
Then there’s Fenris. He makes a splash around here with his “One Trick Pony Chowder and Marching Society.” It’s a big hit with the posters, it keeps the mods from buying rifles and white vans, and it provides a way for him to encode messages to his masters at Campbell’s Soup.
Campbell’s Soup? Has the cheese slipped off my cracker, bounced off the pavement of encroaching psychosis, and slid down the gutter of complete paranoia? Nay! Nay, I say! It’s right there in the name. Whoever’s heard of a “Chowder and Marching Society”? But the name is evocative of bowls and bowls of warm chowder.
Damned tempting, and a perfect way to sell the white stuff.
Who in their right mind would buy chowder? It’s clam jism with chunks! Campbell’s has to market it because Armand Hammer owns massive clam harvesting concerns, and Armand needs his alien youth therapy injections. But someone has to sell it, and that’s where Fenris comes in.
His threads have us laughing all the way to the soup aisle, right into the arms of Big Soup.
Fenris, too, is a dupe. Campbell’s knows something about him: He buys massive amounts of hair dye. Why? What’s his secret? What does he have to hide?
It all fits!