Pittin' myself, this just sucks, and I have to be strong.

The BBQ Pit
1

This sucks. 2 years ago my old lady’s Dad died, SUCKED. I was just getting to know him, and then the shit the fan. It was a long drawn out miserable process, he lived 100 yards from us, but the crap happened 100’s of miles away, and my old lady took a very long leave of absence. Sucked, fuckin’ sucked, she was a Daddy’s girl.

So far this year, I’ve had one grandmother have a gall bladder explode, then have a heart attack. My gramps has been minutes from dying for years.

On the other side, my grandmother had half of one of her lungs removed due to a malignant tumor and then 3 days ago, I find out she has 3 brain tumors.

At the end of October, my dog wasn’t feeling so good, brought her in to the emergency clinic, they pulled 19 pounds of tumors and blood clots out of her, and she
is dying of Lymphoma.

Then today, my old lady finally got her mom to go to the doctor. For various reasons… FUCK. Breast cancer so bad that one of her breasts apparently isn’t even there now, its in her spine, her brain, her lymphnodes.

I’m so pissed off, my old lady’s dad, and her mom in a few years, sucks. Both of her parents in a few years? Really? fuck… If there is a god, he’s a dick.

One of our dogs is on the way out, she’s doing good, but that sucks too, they didn’t think she would make it to November.

I shouldn’t call her “old lady”, she’s younger than me, by a few months, her name is Marie, and she is one hell of a lady, and I’m damn lucky to have her. I love her dearly. I didn’t know what the hell to do when her dad was dying, but that was easier, they were a couple of hundred miles away.

When her dad was dying, I took care of her mom, no biggie, a bit of food, fix some crap, bring her some beer, they live(lived 100 yards behind us). Her mom is home, they are going to do the hospice thing.

I’m at such a loss, I don’t know what to tell Marie, I don’t. Her dad was awesome, he died, she had to take care of her mom, and now she’s… well…

Our dog is dying, that sucks too. I have no family here. Marie has no family here , except for her mom, her brother is in Asia, and I would guess is on a plane getting here right now.

I don’t know what the hell to do. I can’t do shit for my grand parents, they are pretty well taken care of. My dog, they said she would be lucky to make it 2 days and she’s made it 2 months and she is happy and active, you would never know there is anything wrong.

My mom has MS and is on the downslide, my dad takes care of her.

Big giant conglomeration of shit. Cancer can suck my balls, its everywhere, even the lady that has cut my hair for almost 20 years had tonsil cancer and lost all of her hair.

I’m worried about Marie, I don’t know what to tell her, I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to make her feel better. I’m not quite sure how to make myself feel better.

I’m pitting myself for being a whiny little bitch. My grandparents are taken care of, my mom is taken care of. All I have to do is help Marie with her mom, do my best to take care of Marie, and take care of our dog.

Sucks, sorry for the length, I just needed to vent. Still sucks.

2

You could just channel it all into writing a country song… bam, lemonade out of lemons! :stuck_out_tongue:

3

Sorry, man, that sucks!

(which rhymes with “pickup trucks”-- that song is just writing itself…)

4

Gawd man. Yep, that does suck and you certainly have some solids reasons to bitch and moan.

Do what you CAN and don’t fret over what you can’t do or can’t fix. There are no easy answers or magic solutions. Be helpful and have good intentions. And fuck anybody who judges you for not doing things their way (though well intended suggestions from folks trying to be helpful is another story).

Take care of yourself as well!

5

I’m sorry. There’s really nothing I can say other than it sucks and we’re here to listen and offer advice if you need it. For now, consider asking the hospice or hospital folks for a referral to grief counseling for both of you.

Also, Fuck Cancer. Heartily.

6

If it’s any consolation at all (and it isn’t much) try to hold on to the fact that none of you will remember much about this period of your lives in a few years: it’ll just be a painful blur. Just keep your head down and do the best you can. There’s a million little decisions about to come up, and each one will feel like The Weight Of The World is in the balance, but really, it’ll all blur together later.

7

That really, really does suck. Don’t pit yourself though, it sounds like you are doing as much as is humanly possible. Remember to take care of yourself too, you know? I’m sorry. :frowning:

8

“My old lady” = your mom, kindly elderly landlord, the eccentric cat lady downstairs…?

9

I’m sorry. Sometimes everything around you goes to shit all at once. I know it does with me. All you can do it not let it wrest you to the ground - do what you can to get through every day, be helpful, and know that someday this will pass.

10

Wife/long term live in “girlfriend”.

You are not from the south are ya?

11

Fuck cancer.

12

If I ever referred to my gf as my old lady, she would hurt me. Bad.

13

Be there for your old lady. Hold her hand, rub her neck, keep her company, help her with stuff that is overloading her. It doesn’t have to be big, movie-style gestures - just let her know that you will be her rock and her safe place while she’s dealing with all of this.

ETA: And come here and rant at us. We can take it. :slight_smile: I should also say, don’t be afraid to talk to your old lady, too - tell her how you’re feeling, as well as talking to her about how she’s feeling.

14

Say to her, “I love you, Marie. It destroyed me to have to watch what you went through with your father, and not be able to be by your side for support. I want you to know that whatever help your Mom needs, I’m going to be right there with you, and we’ll both be there for her and for each other.”

Then do it. That might or might not make you feel better, but it’s what you need to do and it’s what she needs from you.

Oh. I see, you already know to do those things.

In that case, just go a little easier on yourself. You’re not being a whiny little bitch; and it’s probably healthier for you to vent about it than to just hold it in.

Don’t worry about it. The Dope is THE PLACE for people to vent. You’re not the first to do so by any means, and there isn’t any stigma attached to it.

That said, if you had a location field, it wouldn’t say “Love Canal,” would it?

15

Getting mighty windy in here for some reason… :smiley:

16

Well, that’s because she’s ig’nant and doesn’t know it’s a term of endearment, meant by some who say it as a very profound term of endearment!

17

Indeed. And I’m sorry for all the suckage you and your old lady are going through, bubba jr.

My father and both of my wife’s parents have died in the last 2 years – her folks just 5 months apart. I’m not trying to one-up you, just trying to illustrate that I’ve been there and I get it.

The hard truth is that you can’t really make it better. Not by anything you can say, anyway. What you can do is support each other and continue to live your lives together with love and mutual respect. Honor her parents by being the best possible old man to their daughter.

Parents die, grandparents die, dogs die. That’s what happens. I don’t want to use the word “better,” but it does get easier to come to terms and get on with your own life as time passes.

All my best wishes to you.

18

Holy Shit, bubba jr. Do you people live next to a nuclear waste facility on top of a toxic waste dump, or what?

19

This brought tears to my eyes. It’s very true.

Good luck, bubba jr. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Give your dog lots of extra scritches, and, what the hell, an extra piece of bacon here and there. I’m sorry you don’t know what to say to the woman you love, but say it anyway, even if it comes out as half-phrases and stammers. kaylasdad wrote a nice little starter script for you.

Hang in there. No need to apologize for the venting, or for the length of it. I read it the whole way through, and I feel your pain. I’m sorry if that’s all I can offer you right now.

20

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2005-12/dnl-mr121505.php

This was just on the other side of the mountain… so maybe? The grandparents and everything are on the other side of the country.

The other night I was twisted up tighter than a drum. More bad news, and then Marie told me to stay at the shop, she needed her “alone” time. She has that bit
of time when anything you say just makes it worse, I understand that, but when
she needs that, its not good.

So… A few days to digest things and see how things are shaking out… Not
that bad. Still sucks, but this is going to be a cake walk compared to her dad.

Long story short, it started in October of 2010, ended up in the hospital in January of 2011, and ended in June. The docs couldn’t figure it out, it bounced from good to bad to better to worse, hope to no hope. Marie was 200 and something miles away living in a hotel room, her brother was back and forth to Asia and I was here trying to make a living, take care of our house and take care of her mom. My folks came out for a while to help out, that was nice.

This one is easy, there is a known end, there is no hope, there are no questions, no doctors performing 1000’s of redundant tests. Everybody is home, except her brother, he’s on his way, and keeping in contact.

Marie has taken off this week to get things in order, power of attorney, hospice care, all that crap, that’ll give her until they go back to school in January.

Marie is doing pretty damn well, I’m actually surprised. The few weeks leading up to this weren’t that great.

Backstory… Her mom doesn’t go anywhere, she hasn’t for a long time, I don’t know why, she used to drive, but she won’t anymore. She’s been getting scrawny and weak for a while. A few weeks ago when she fell and couldn’t see out of one of her eyes… well, she wouldn’t go to the doctor. That really got Marie
going, she was pretty pissed off. It was well over a week before she got her mom to go. Her mom was adamant on not telling her brother, which pissed her off even more. Her mom knew, how could she not?

So… Marie (the old lady) is holding up well, really well. She’s actually been in a good mood. Though she did ask me not to leave until after this is over… Which I thought was weird, but she seemed to think going through this twice in a short bit of time was more than I can handle. I assured her that she is my old lady and I’m not going anywhere.

So then… I got some crap about a ring, in her wise ass type of manner. So I think I’ve got to get around to doing something about that, and soon, really soon.
The dog is doing good, though we don’t know for how long, she’s jumping and playing and running and back to normal. The herbs and supplements aren’t cheap, but they seem to keep her going. On Monday October 22nd they told me I would be lucky to make it til Tuesday, really lucky to make the end of the week, and extremely lucky to make the end of the month. Coming up on 2 months. And she is getting spoiled, and she knows it and is taking advantage of it. The little younger dog is riding on her coat tails. She’s been a damn good dog. She’s still youngish, only 7 years old this month, I lost her sister at 3 years old. I’m going to miss her.

Thanx for the kind words, still sucks but it doesn’t seem anywhere near as bad as it did last week.