Pitting Kirstie Fucking Alley and Her Creepy-Ass "Santa Baby" Commercial

The BBQ Pit
1

Kirstie, honey? We know that you’re a washed up lunatic who couldn’t get work in a Thai sweatshop, and that you pay through the nose for your auditing sessions, but did you really have to inflict upon the world “Santa, Baby?”

With your Scraggle-tooth, baby-shit-green dress and creepy-ass lyrics, your monstrosity of a Pier-One Imports commercial has been released like the eighth plague throughout the land.
Wanting to fuck Santa isn’t kosher, or whatever the fuck L. Ron Hubbard’s standard of fitness for consumption are.

The lyrics. They are stuck in my head. “So hurry down the chimney tonight!”
Arrgghhhh, Damn YOU ALLEY!
“Santa, baby, a comfy little sofa for two. Light Blue!” AWW FUCK!:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :smack: :smack:

2

If it makes you feel better, the interior designer from QEFTSG is going to be doing all the commercials now.

3

Personally, every time I see her on TV, I wonder where that fox from ST II: The Wrath of Khan went to.

Her at the Kobayashi Maru . … Rrrrrrowwwrrrrrrrrrr. :wink:
Tripler
Aaaah, the early 80s. :sigh:

4

You do know that Santa Baby was originally recorded in 1954 by Ertha Kitt, right? It has been rerecorded by everybody from Maralyn Monroe to Madonna. Hell, Everclear even did a version of it.

Kirstie may be a bit washed up (why the hell else would anyone do a commercial for Old Navy?), but you can hardly blame her for a 50 year old torch song.

5

It could be worse. At least she can sing reasonably well.

Just imagine the same ad with, say, Fran Drescher doing the singing.

6

Yuwuhuruuhuuyuugruhuyurg.

7

It didn’t seem that bad, as far as that shit goes.

8

Is she related to Eartha Kitt? :smiley:

It isn’t the song, just Alley’s rendition of it.

9

Could be raining.

10

Somebody, however, needs to tell her that those Victorian bustle dresses don’t really hide her hips…

Not that it matters much to me, not being particularly lured by the feminine form in any shape, but what was interesting costuming for the Christmas-season Pier1 commercial two years ago has become a constant, in-season or out, and it’s pretty damn obvious why she insists on wearing that style…

11

I thought that ad was kinda sexy, myself… but then, it’s been established that I have issues…

12

I thought it was just me. That’s commercial makes my shizzle go all fazizzle.

13

I think Kirstie (not Kristy? I dunno) was kinda cute in that commercial. All plump and pretty. She didn’t make up the words, you know. Nor did the commercial people.

14

Well…some of the words they definitely made up. I am quite certain that Eartha did not sing “slip a table under the tree” or “a comfy little sofa for two. Light blue.”

Besides, I’m a purist. I find anything other than the Eartha Kitt original to be sacrilege. Yes, even Madonna’s Betty Boop homage…

15

oh yes, it could have been worse.
Like,with Rosanne or maybe Yoko?

16

Coming soon: Ilsa pits his own navel. “Goddamn fucking thing is hypnotic, I can’t stop staring at it.” :smiley:

17

True, she looks like a goddamn maniac. And true, that green dress made her ass look like it was the size of Saskatchewan. But her Santa Baby ad still has to take a second-place in creepiness to the one where she pops out of a cake!

Tripler’s right, she was hot in ST II. But that cake ad… that could do serious pyschosexual trauma.

18

I totally forgot about that ad. She pops out of the cake in her green velvet Victorian bustle gown!

The gown has got to go…

19

In case anyone is interested here are the original lyrics.

20

Huh. The commercial didn’t annoy me that much, but I have to say this is a pretty funny pit.