Ohhhhkay. I’ll take “Batshit Insane Sapphic Revelers” for $400, Alex.
Listen, Ink, unless you’re an obvious bodybuilder, if I were your doctor I’d (gently) tell you to lose weight. You’re heading into some hard road ahead and it’s not too late to make some positive changes.
As for the wide-open speculum, I guess it’s all subjective. Did you tell the attending female nurse about your concerns?
I’ve been very fortunate to have some great experiences with male GYNs. In fact, a couple years ago my GP was concerned about some routine screening results and sent me to a GYN oncologist, who was possibly the nicest, most caring, most sensitive doctor I’ve ever seen. His exam was incredibly thorough yet not even remotely uncomfortable, and he was able to dismiss the concerns and calm my fears just wonderfully. Frankly, if I ever did get ovarian cancer, I’d want a doctor like him, who made me believe that if something was wrong, we’d get through it together.
That being said, however, I’ve known a lot of women who have had to deal with total asshole male GYNs. And it’s an uncomfortable enough exam to begin with, dealing with problems that can affect your emotions as well as your physical body, that being dismissed with a “suck it up” or a “deal with it” is really the last straw. I’m sorry you had such a crappy experience, Inky; I’d definitely complain to your regular doctor and the clinic manager about his failure to even perform an exam. And complain in writing, and if need be copy your state medical board. That’s just plain bad medicine from a doctor of any sex and he deserves to be called on it.
Oh, I’ve been in the same territory you are now. (Though I faced having abdominal surgery to remove my utereus and a cantaloupe sized fibroid in it’s muscle wall.) It is scary as hell to be facing a hysterectomy, but you can get through this. As other have said, don’t let them talk you out of your ovaries, the health benefits from having them are worth it. After I recovered from my surgery I felt so much better, physically and emotionally. I hadn’t realized just how downhill my health had gone.
For now, try to rest, drink lots of water, EAT and find something you can do that puts you in a peaceful state of mind. Pamper yourself, and try to get your serenity back. Have you asked the doctor who will be doing the surgery about pain management, or is that inadvisable because of your medical conditions? I found that having pillows to prop myself up on helped me get better rest, you might see if that helps you.
You might broach the topic of how likely you might be to develop fibroids on your ovaries as well, so you are fully informed. I’ve had to recently start hormonal therapy, because I’ve developed a fibroid on my right ovary that is making them “sputter”. Even so, I’m not sorry I kept mine, it was two years before the fibroid showed up and caused problems. (I was also aware that this could happen at the time, and the doctor himself wasn’t going to take the ovaries unless they had very large fibroids.) This is nowhere near as bad as the uterine fibroid either, and easily countered with Prempro. I also still get some of my own natural hormones, and the health benefits from that.
I would report the doctor who called you fat, pointing out your height, weight and BMI. It could be that he saw a belly bulge from the fibroid and thought “fat”, not “possible fibroid, better check”. (I say this because I got a pooch from the fibroid, I looked about four months pregnant just before the surgery.) Even so, what he did was very unprofessional to say the least. If I were you, I’d that he be made to attend some kind of sensitivity training, as well as seminars on fibroids so he can better diagnose patients when I reported him. I don’t know if he could get his license taken away for that or not, but at the least he needs remedial training so he doesn’t cause suffering in the future. I might also sue, depending on how long and exhaustive the court battle might be. Again, if I sued I’d stipulate that he be made to go to remedial training.
I’ll send some good thoughts your way, for an easy surgery and quick recovery back to full health. Take it easy, you can make it through this.
Excuse me, perhaps I am just misunderstanding - are you calling me fat? at 140? I work out every day. I eat a low-fat diet. I am on medication for high cholesterol. I am NOT fat.
And the wide open speculum was not used on me, it was me hoping the IDIOT FUCKER would have a WIDE OPEN SPECULUM USED ON HIS ORIFICES.
And yes, I did tell the attending nurse my problem, and the woman making the appointment and that it was an emergency appointment die to the pain.
So…as for the Batshit Insane Sapphic Revelers…I think you’re way off base and out of line and if you read the thread, I am not alone in my anger. Although there have been some very compelling stories to the contrary. I just made MY feelings clear.
Insane? And Fat? Welcome to the Pit.
Inky
This is making me even more pissed off by the minute. Since when did a size 6 become FAT? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IS A HEALTHY SIZE FOR A WOMAN - 2?!?!?!?!
Stop reading fashion mags. They’re lies on what the modern woman can maintain realistically.
SIX. 140. FUUCK OFF!!!
Ink a dink a dink, IMO he’s not worth it. Please, pull yourself away from this, and go immerse in an activity that will soothe your temper? You don’t need this right now. Go outside if you can, and look at the moon, or feel the sunlight on your face and feel the wind. If there are flowers blooming, go admire them. Let this go, for now. Or, compose a post telling him what to stick and where, and save it to a word document to read over and edit later for possible posting. Right now you aren’t even able to articulate your anger well enough to get that release. That tells me you need to at least take a bit of a break, then come stand up for yourself. Am I making sense to you?
You are, and it’s sensible advice, which I will take.
And with that, I bid all a good night. Some Terry Pratchett and I should be fine.
Thanks to those who offered sensible advice - you wall had very positive things to say, and I appreciate it. As I tried to warn before, I am incredibly hormonal and emotional and frightened so my apologies to “MIster Dickhead” as well.
I love the “Jane, you ignorant slut,” line. I should’ve recognized it. Please accept my apology for not and write it off as a measure of my distress.
Be well to all.
Inky
mumble mumble damn spell check mumble mumble
[QUOTE=Ink a dink a dink]
The docs I see are recommending a Laparoscopically Assisted Vaginal Hysterectomy, which will leave the Ovaries intact so I won’t have to deal with HRT, but - no more pain, no more periods, no more weird things growing…no more wondering just what the hell that was that I just found coming out of me.
[QUOTE]
NONONONONO! Don’t do that! Not without looking into uterine arterial embolization first. It’s a far less invasive procedure and it will get rid of your fibroids and most likely your periods as well.
What they do is inject tiny plastic beads into the arteries in your uterus, through a catheter inserted in the artery in your groin. This cuts off the blood flow to the fibroids and they will shrink down to nearly nothing. The heavy bleeding will stop and so, most likely, will the pain.
I had this procedure done in November 2000 after having a heavy, heavy period that did not stop for well over a year. I was anemic. I got a horrible case of jock itch from having to wear panties all the time (had to use super overnight pads all day long). By January 2001 my period had stopped and I haven’t had one since.
The only ironic part to the story is that I was sent to have the embolization done by a male GYN whom I usually avoid like the plague (I much prefer my female GP for all my medical care). Dr. Punk Boy is one of those know-it-alls who tells women my age (55) stuff they knew when he was in diapers. He explains things as though he thinks you’re incapable of understanding a word he says if he doesn’t put it in third-grade terms. He doesn’t listen unless you put your foot down and insist that he listen. Ugh.
But he did do that one good thing for me and for that, I’m willing to cut him some slack.
Please, do look into embolization before you get sent for major surgery that you might not need.
In my experience there are various kinds of Ob/Gyns.
The paternal medicine type.
Typically says things like:
“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, that’s MY job”
“It’s all in your head, have you heard of these wonderful pills called Amitryptaline?”
“Most gynae patients are neurotic, all they need is a little reassurance”
" Just let me take care of it"
" i think you’re misinterpreting normal symptoms as abnormal ones"
" Trust me, you won’t miss your ovaries"
Disparages patients behind their back or when they’re knocked out on the table.
The I-got-into-this-because-there’s-good-money-in-Gynae type
Typically says " Have you got insurance?" before asking your name
Schedules C-sections around golf
Treats rich patients with multiple expensive procedures and drugs, and poorer patients with an Advil and a generic contraceptive pill- no matter what they came in with.
The I love women a little too much guy
Comments on your bikini wax and underwear
Insists on doing a 30 minute breast exam at every visit
Strokes your wrist as he explains exactly how he’s going to do your D&C
Women-scare-me-and-I-wish-I’d-gone-into-Pathology
NEVER examines you (too terrified)
Cuts you off before you’ve finished describing your symptoms ( too squicked out to hear the rest)
Is very liberal with precribing strong painkillers, even to women who don’t complain of period pain (can’t imagine how they aren’t in agony).
The scary female
Has never had a bad period in her life- doesn’t believe anyone else does
Got pregnant when she wanted- thinks infertile people just aren’t trying hard enough and women with unwanted pregnancies were being careless
Gave birth within 4 hours each time, without the aid of any pain relief- thinks any woman who didn’t do the same just wasn’t trying hard enough
Favourite saying “Look, I don’t think your really NEED this, but if you MUST”.
The good one
Asks the right questions
Likes patient feedback
Is gentle but thorough
Tailors treatment to the person, not the condition
Doesn’t perform unnecessary tests
Takes your word for how much pain you’re in
Understands when they’ve given you bad news, and is sympathetic (like offering tissues and a few extra minutes, rather than saying “you can always adopt” and shoving you out the door)
Now, the only 2 kinds that are gender specific are the guy who perves on his patient and the scary female. Every other category is non-gender specific. However, you’re more likely to find male rather than female gynaecologists in groups 1-4, it’s just the way it is.
Doctors tend to be Type A people with borderline anakastic personality disorder- Ob/Gyn requires flexibility, empathy and other stuff that is way down on their skills list. It’s easier if you can put yourself in your patient’s shoes- which is probably going to be easier if you’re the same gender. It doesn’t always work like that, but it can do.
Personally, there are only 3 consultant (attending) OB/Gyn in Dublin who I would never voluntarily see, 2 are men, 1 is a woman. One of the men is a charming mixture of types 1, 2 and 3, the other guy is a straight out type 1 and the woman is the archetypal type 5. All of them, it has to be said, have patients who love them and their style, but Og no, I’d go elsewhere.
Sorry to hijack
Go You Big Red Fire Engine- We always had “volunteers” from the class for surface anatomy, and one girl from the class was required to “volunteer”. Yet, she got to wear a sleeveless t-shirt (no bra), while the guys had to be topless, and only girls were allowed to examine her chest (limbs and abdomen was OK for the guys).
I’ll let my male classmates practive any exams they want on me (except breast and pelvic, I’m not really keen on letting them find my apex beat either) and they’ll let me perform any examinations I want on them except scrotal.
The fact is, you have a doctor-patient relationship with your patients you don’t have one with your classmates. Requiring classmates of opposite genders to touch each other in sexual areas (even if there is no sexual intent) crosses a line that performing the same exam on a patient or paid model doesn’t.
C’mon, these people aren’t just your classmates, they’re your friends, your drinking buddies, possible past, present or future romantic partners, and lots of other stuff. It is no more appropriate for the guys in your class to touch the breasts of their female colleagues, than it is for them to touch the breasts of their female friends.
Or at least, that’s how it was explained to us by the anatomy department.
Bah-I was volunteered by my nursing instructor to be the model for breast exams–with 2 male students present. She then castigated me for so much underarm sweating.
The guys were very cool, very professional about it. It was the women who couldnt’ handle it. Not saying a general statement here, but the women of the class of 1984 UofI nursing college tittered at my er, tits.
Point is-there was NO allowance or exception made (although, come to think of it, we never did prostate exams. Hmmm. Can I file a retroactive class action suit of some kind?) for anyone’s sensiblities. We had both male and female cadavers as well.
ah, memories of nursing school–more like flashbacks, really.
Oh, sorry for double post, but I agree with your categories of docs. I’ve had at least one of each over the years and through 3 kids.
Again, no apology nessesaery. I was unduly harsh on you. Yes, if you head was “in the right place” the “Jane, you ignorant slut” line likely would have been funny. But I am a dude who knows enough about women so that I SHOULD have realized you were in “vent” mode. I didn’t see that, and so I apologize.
But, I do think your bad experiences have given you (with some justification) an “issue” with male Doctors. Thus, you may approach an experience with a new male MD with fear & trepidation, which will generally magnify anything bad. Thus, really- your OP does come across as “sexist”. However, be that as it may, maybe you might want to look into this “issue”.
BTW- your OP did come off as a bit “batshit insane”, 
but you’re not fat. Not even close. 
I am so terribly sorry that you had such a horrible experience with ANY gynecologist. I went to my local Planned Parenthood for years and loved the nurse practitioner there. The only reason I changed was because we were planning on starting a family. So, I went with my MIL’s GYN, who is an OB/GYN. He’s absolutely fabulous, and I would recommend him to anyone. She has had many long, drawn-out “female problems” over the years, and he has been 100% supportive of her informed decisions and has done multiple ablations and D&Cs because she did NOT want a hysterectomy. That problem is long gone, and when she had her “abnormal” pap last year, he did everything he could to get the necessary testing / biopsies done quickly. Thankfully, nothing was wrong (her symptoms had a 33% chance of being cancer-related).
TMI warning!!!
Embolization didn’t do jack for me; maybe reduced uterine size about 20% (went from being a honeydew melon to a big cantaloupe). Still bled like a big bleedy thing, and it hurt more than the hysto (but recovery is about a week, will give it that). There is also a *minute *risk of the pellets migrating elsewhere and causing embolisms in the lungs, legs etc. But do ask about it, it may be just the thing.
Yes, actually, my dad’s wife had the pellets for fibroids and it didn’t work for her at all and she had to have a radical hysterectomy.
I understand that there are benefits and drawbacks to every procedure, but after doing my research and with my practitioner’s advice (seeing her again on Tuesday), I am beginning to believe the LAVH is the best procedure for me.
Also, just as a FYI for those on HRT, when the info came out about all the drawbacks and risks associated with HRT, my dads wife’s doc put her on a half dose instead of a full dose, and it seems to be doing the job without quite as much of a risk. Just something to perhaps discuss.
Thanks,
Inky
Ink a dink a dink:
The extra line break was deliberate; at that point I didn’t think you were insane. As it is now, next week you’ll be pitting male chefs because Trevor at the BK drive-thru shot you the Stink Eye.
You see, you’re the one who mentioned “getting fatter,” and it looks like the doc just ran with it. I’m sorry you had a bad time, but at your age you should be thinking about dropping 15 and staying there.
I know from experience that some chicks can’t take Depo or The Pill once they crest 35. At your age, gynos I know (male or female) recommend switching to condoms, rhythm, cervical cap or the diaphragm, especially if you’re cramping like all shiznit on the drugs you’re dumping into your body.
Then again, would it be too radical to ask your partner to cauterize his walnuts?
Hi. Thanks for the clarification. I’m not male bashing, pro-se, just with my experiences.
I don’t know how you can imagine my weight being an issue? It’s NOT, and I think that was pretty thoroughly covered by others than me. I am not overweight, and as I stated, I work out, watch my diet, and am careful about my body.
Perhaps I wasn’t clear - the pain is not due from the drugs or anything I am taking, it is from problems within my own body - i.e. endometriosis, polyps, fibroids and cysts. No amount of drugs will cause these things, and my partner getting a vasectomy will not alleviate the pain I currently and have in the past experienced.
My gentleman currently has his own health problems with his male parts completely separate from my issues, so we’re both falling apart. At this point, a V for him wouldn’t be worth grass. And I mean grass on your lawn.
I hope this clarifies, and I don’t think I’ll be throwing anything back at Chefs anytime soon…they have knives, you see…
Inky.
irishgirl, I don’t see how we’re disagreeing here.