Jesus, people. “How are you?” is just a phatic expression, not a serious inquiry, any more than signing yourself “Yours truly” means you’re binding yourself over to slavery. No sensible person ever answers “How are you” with anything but “Fine, thanks, you?”, even in a hospital emergency room at midnight.
Realy? I guess I associate with a bunch or social outcasts. (A possibility as I am and engineer working with engineers) We often times will give a short honest account of how we are doing in response the the question “How are you doing?”
Off to MPSIMS.
My stock answer to inane rhetorical questions like “How’s it going?”, “How are you?”, etc. is either “Semi-fair.”, “Well enough.” or “Just fucking Fabulous!”, depending on who’s asking. Oddly enough, any answer that’s not totally positive get’s a “Why aren’t you doing better?” type response, as if the mere act of having someone inquire about my general welfare should make my life all bright and sunny. The fact is that most days are just normal. “Good” or “Fine” imply better than normal and if you plot them on a bell curve, most days just don’t fall outside one standard deviation from the norm. Granted, my average may be better or worse than the next person’s, but I’m not answering for them. If pressed to explain semi-fair, I will explain that it just means that I didn’t win the lottery, but neither was I run over by a bus. Just a normal day, nothing special about it.
On the other hand, if I am asked in parting to “Have a nice day!”, I will thank them for their well-wishes and let them know that that’s been my goal all along. 
I’ve been on all sides of this (as a bonus, once I asked someone how they were and actually wanted to know), and so I’ve done my share of irritating and being irritated by everybody else. Now I just try to make my pleasantries less ambiguous: “I hope you’re doing well,” “Enjoy the sunshine,” “Hello,” etc. I try to keep my responses honest but short and polite. On my worst day, a “How are you?” elicits a tight smile and a “better ask me tomorrow – I hope you’re doing well, though.” I find this keeps society lubricated well enough and leaves less room for the fuss and feathers outlined in the OP.
Oh, man. I have the next big thing in mindless pleasantry:
Other Guy: “Howyadoin’, 'Tag?”
Nametag: “Within one standard deviation of the norm, Other; you?”
I like the geekiness AND the double entendre.
I too like the short, unambiguous pleasantries. While I respond enthusiastically to inquiries about how my day is going, I rarely ask other people (except on the phone, for some reason). My greetings usually consist of “Good Morning.” (based on time of day, of course), or even just “Morning,” if I know someone is grumpy and likely to say, “What’s so good about it?” Nobody has to say hi, good-bye, or anything else at work; we all do because the social lubricants keep the wheels of society turning with less friction.
I don’t comprehend the mystery that is Pleasantries, but I have long since learned that I don’t, so I stay out of them. Does that help, or do you hate me too?
Michael Jackson? :eek:
I find “fair to middlin’” an adequate response on days when “fine” is out of reach. I know someone who always responds “Couldn’t be better!” After all, if he could be better, he would, right?
Lack of comprehesion is not enough to earn hatred. You have admited your shortcomming, so it is all good. It is when you know you dont get it, and yet continue on the path to a true PHG that you earn a certain hatred.
That I will use. I like confusing people. Especially those who probably have no idea what a standard deviation is.
Yah - I’m with the OP, mostly.
If I say “Hey - how are you?” I might actually want the truth - but in a limited form. You know:
“Good - thanks for asking!” is ok
“Meh - bad day - too busy!” is ok
“Kind of blue - the weather is getting me down” - is ok
“Well, I have this really nasty puss covered rash on my ass and it’s itching like a sonofabitch, and I think my jeans are sticking to it.” - is really not OK.
Unless someone is your physician, and you’re at an appointment, going into details like that is totally not cool. Really, what is the other person supposed to say? “Oh - thats nice. Nice talking to you.”
yich.
For those in retail positions that have to deal with uber snarky people, I’ve come up with an effective response:
Retail person “Ok, have a nice night!”
Uber snark “Actually, I had other plans.”
Retail person “Ok, well have fun with that then.” <big grin>
Heh - it totally pisses the uber snarker off, but what are they going to do - report you for being too nice?
Dang it; who was it who said, when asked how they were doing, “I am functioning between normal parameters”? Some robot or android or alien character.
Dob are you one of the sadistic people that ask if it’s cold enough on a morning that’s -5F, and has a wind at 30 mph. The person that asks that deserves a kick in the shin by evreyone.
Sounds like Data from Star Trek, but I could well be wrong.
I’m with the OP, but I think it depends to a large degreeon how well you know the person.
Oh, and Ragiel wins the thread!
It was Data, and the line is “I am functioning within normal parameters.”
Other than that, I am so with Dob on this one. My retail life has me asking this question hundreds of times a day to basically complete strangers, and many of them actually tell me how they are. I don’t care – I’m asking because it’s nice. There are a few accepted responses to the question (“Fine, thanks.” “Not too bad.” “Been better.” “Good.”, &c.) and none of them are "Well, my left lung’s not working any more and I can’t stand up straight and my husband left me and I was looking for some good t-shirts the other day at WalMart and would you believe they didn’t have any for less than $4.99 and then my car wouldn’t start but it’s OK cause I was gonna get rid of it anyway … ". Adults should be well aware of the appropriate responses to “How are you?”, but apparently many aren’t.
My standard answers are “Fantastic”, “Good”, and “Upright and breathing”. Variations on this theme are acceptable.
Thank you!
hell no! I would also add that anyone who asks or replies “Working hard, or hardly working?”, or “TGIF” deserves a quick kick to the shins.
Is your day seriously ruined if someone answers this useless question with snark or truth?
OK-so chastise those who won’t play the game–but it’s a rather stupid game, no?
Why do I have to answer you at all? I nod and smile and keep going–I KNOW you don’t care how I truly am, but I am not going to waste my time and breath with placating you and reassuring you that all’s right with your world.
Dear og, the ones who spout chapter and verse when asked should be rounded up and shot-of course. But if someone grunts or grimaces in response to your query…clue phone–they are not up to the social dance at present. Leave 'em alone!
BTW, I am not fond of social pleasantries like this–I also am not into chit-chat. It’s a waste of time, IMO. That doesn’t make me a bitch, but it makes me a bad choice for lunch partner for some, I suppose.