Please don't wish every woman you see tomorrow a happy Mother's Day

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Maybe I’ve posted this rant before, but the whole world hasn’t learned yet, so I want to rant again.
Ugh. I hate Mother’s day. Not because of my mom; she’s great. She did a wonderful job of raising 5 great kids. I even love my mother-in-law, even if I don’t always like her. But Mother’s Day is awful. It is a relentless, painful reminder that I’m not a mom, and I’m never going to be a mom. We didn’t want to be childless, but we can’t have children, we can’t afford to adopt, and we’ve seen too many foster-family horror stories to want to get on that train.

I can live the rest of the year with the fact that we don’t have kids. But first, there’s a month of ads on TV, radio, and the Internet about buying gifts for Mother’s Day. That’s tedious, but tolerable. The problem is that on the day itself, people seem to wish every woman they see “Happy Mother’s Day!” like it was any other holiday. Actually, far more than some holidays because it’s not forbidden by PC social mores. Not every woman you see is a mother. You mean well, but for some, it’s going to hurt.

Then comes the “Oh, well, it’s not a big deal,” response when I don’t enthusiastically react to the greeting. I don’t get angry, I try not to make a fuss, but I also don’t grin and act like I just received a huge gift. When I don’t, people then want to know why I’m not jumping up and down with glee. I tell them I’m not a mother, and I get all kinds of consolation-prize responses. The worst being, “Well, you’re a teacher, so you’re just like a mom.” Yes, I work with kids, but they are not my kids. I don’t get to take them home and love on them (these days, even a hug is often forbidden) and I don’t get to teach them my values and beliefs, I don’t get to watch them grow up, I don’t get to help them get ready for adulthood, I won’t get to help plan their weddings, and I don’t get grandchildren from them. IT’S NOT THE SAME THING.

As for “I/He/She/They didn’t mean to hurt you,” that’s true. But not meaning to run over a pedestrian with your car doesn’t make it any less painful for the pedestrian now in the hospital.

Mother’s Day is for mothers. Please be judicious when greeting people tomorrow.

2

Mothers’ Day is a week from tomorrow.

3

Even more reason to not tell them tomorrow!

4

I hate all of those greeting card “holidays”, but MD seems particularly egregious. The man is expected to buy his wife extravagant gifts of jewelry, etc., but when Fathers’ Day rolls around, the guy can expect pretty much zip-point-shit. I’m so glad that my present spouse and I ignore any and all gift-giving events.

5

I’m not wishing anyone a Happy Mother’s Day until May 12.

6

That’s a bit random. What’s special about May 12?

7

When our daughter was born my wife’s younger sister was visiting us and well as my friend. He was going on and on about how cute she was and then started in on my SIL on how much she must be looking forward to having kids.

Except she had her ovaries removed because of breast cancer. And he wasn’t paying attention to my hints at knocking it off until I had to flatly tell him the shut the hell up.

8

The OP makes a great point. I was in a check out line at a grocery store a couple of years ago and the cashier was wishing everyone a happy Mother’s Day.

Worse, she was asking every woman whether she was a mother. There are so many women who have trauma tied up in motherhood or not-motherhood.

Many American women are not mothers and for several reasons. Maybe they choose not to be and don’t like to be interrogated about it or made to feel that they’re deficient because of that. Maybe they would have liked to be mothers but for whatever reason couldn’t and there might be a lot of pain behind that.

9

I’m a guy. I’ve been wished a Happy Mutha’s Day…but that’s only half a word. :frowning:

:smiley:

10

I can still go around asking women who look big around the middle “When’s the baby due?” Right?

11

My mother treated me like shit, and I have no children. I do not need people wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day.

OTOH, my sister the lesbian raised eight daughters, but according to the rah-rah’s, they ain’t really her children and she was an abusive mother, what with being a lesbian and all. Go figure.

12

Rah rahs ??

13

Religious Right…??

14

The only two people I wish Happy Mothers Day for are my wife, who is a mother, and my mother, who is obviously a mother.

15

Umm…that’s when Mother’s Day is.

16

I have no children, about which I’m not horribly upset, but still. My mother’s dead. She’s been dead a while and it’s not as bad as it was the first year, but still.

Yeah. Wish ‘happy mother’s day’ to your mother, and your mother-in-law, presuming they’re alive and you’re on speaking terms; and if you want to those of your relatives/friends who you know are mothers. Don’t just wish it to random women on the street, or on the checkout line.

17

Close. Religious Radicals. It’s what my sister the lesbian calls people who are totally “rah-rah” about their religion cause it’s the only true, totally always right one and everyone who doesn’t believe what they believe, including the idea that their beliefs are actually, totally true facts, is going to hell.

18

In the UK it is in March.

19

It’s also my parent’s 57[SUP]th[/SUP] wedding anniversary.

20

Thank you. I was panicking.