I was walking home last night and walked past a car with a few teenage boys in it, I didn’t really pay attention but I think there were three of them. As I went by one of them yelled out the window, “F*ing Faggot!”. It rather surprised me that my first thought was…Can’t you come up with something more original than that?
Maybe I’ve gotten old enough and heard this enough times that it doesn’t faze me or perhaps I’ve just gotten too used to the quality invective one can find here on the dope. (Pit threads are a great place to find new insults) But if you’re going to try and insult me…come up with something new! A while back this girl hollered out at me “Your boyfriend just called me!”. I’m guessing she was saying both that I’m gay and that my man is cheating with her. Not the most creative, but at least it was something new. My response to her was, “If he calls back, remind him to pick up dinner.” (I know, lame) At least that exchange was mildly entertaining.
Of course there is always the option for them to quit wasting time by not attempting to insult random strangers, but that is probably too much to ask of a lot of people.
I kind of like them Ramones type insults. The beauty is in its simplicity. Once at a bar a guy tried to pick a fight with me (I guess) by insulting me with a verbal Steve Jones chord type of sentence. It was nearly twenty years ago, haven’t forgotten.
On my one and only trip to England, after spending 12 hours on a plane and another 5 hours on a train, looking like death warmed over I’m sure, some little bastard asked me who’d gotten sick on my face. I hesitated, not knowing whether to respond in American or British English (you know, should I call him a filthy great prat or a douche bag) and by the time I’d decided it was too late to respond.
I don’t know if that’s popular in England, but it was certainly a surprise to me.
“Please excuse me, if you lack the wit to understand that this statement was intended as a derisive comment on your intellectual ability.”
I have always loved that one, as , if aimed at the appropriate “victem” allows you to walk away, before they say “Hey… he said I was slow!”
That’s so entertaining, isn’t it? I’ve probably told both these stories a million times, but once I was walking home, wearing club clothes and holding hands with my date, who was this hot, butch daddy in leather pants and no shirt, and somebody across the street yelled, “Fags!” And you know, I thought, What a smart man.
The other time I was waiting for a night bus with a friend after going out partying, so we looked especially gay that night. This big boom car drives up to the bus stop, and this guy rolls down his window and goes, “Hey, faggot! Wanna fuck me?” I thought, Why are you trying to prove your heteromasculinity by asking to have receptive anal sex with a gay man? And I wanted to share this with him, but unfortunately it came out “Not even if you told me I could have Rufus Wainwright for sloppy seconds would I fuck you!”
Once while grocery shopping I walked past some jr. high aged kids. One pointed me out to his friends and said “He’s SO curious.” They all started laughing hysterically. I assumed this had something to do with being bi-curious. I was pissed off at the time but the kid did have a good comic delivery.
I’d just like to know what it was about me that made the joke so funny cause I’m not seeing it.
I hear you. I was insulted on another message board by name. It was so. . . unsatisfying. It wasn’t even creative or anything. Insulters these days. . . harumph!
