Oh I remember those! Even my Pokemon board had a go at those!
(that guy on fire caused a few about “The mighty Moltres James”… but I’m sure the SDMB did much, much better, I can’t wait to read.)
My girlfriend has a really wierd abnormality… One of her breasts is quite a bit larger than the other two…
I’ll be here all week
… and the genie says, “Do you want that bridge 2 lanes or 4?”
… don’t be silly, dear, she’s left handed!"
… I’m Henri-Henri, the Great French Pilot, and when I go down, I go down in Flames!"
… and that was just the First guy!
… the hard part is getting them into the light bulb!
I could tell you jokes all day, but to Really change your day, you have to turn yourself over to Master Scylla bows humbly for a few minutes …
Blimps – please prepare your surroundings for loud laughing noises –
And, if it helps, you can imagine what >>I<< look like, and picture a mini-me in the uniform, at the desk, reading … that’s how I always see it!
and from another graphically talented Doper:
Virtual Bubble Wrap
Dangit! I can’t find the link for the “pre-wedding groom kid-napping” … anyone got it? The one with the sail boat and the fake beard? (sorry-- Hate that, losing the link is like forgetting the punch line!)
Or, heck, I’m sure it would cheer you up to fill my email box with lovely to naughty photos of you!!! --ok, ok, so that would cheer ME up, but, heck, as long as >>I’m<< happy … (email in profile)
I’m afraid I have some bad news for you; it means you are, in fact, my kinda gal. Sorry to have to break it to you like this.
Davebear… that was a little sad.
anyway… time for another pathetic joke…
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left.
The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, “I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won’t be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill.”
The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband “Hey, where’s your ball?”
“It’s over here in the pussy willows.”
The wife screams back, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!”
A guy goes in to visit his doctor because he has been unable to achieve an erection for nearly a year.
The doctor, after examining him, said “You seem to have experienced some nerve damage. I’m afraid you’ll never have an erection again”. The man was devastated by this. He said “Doc, this can’t be. Isn’t there something you could do”?
After thinking for awhile the doctor replies “Well, there’s an experimental procedure in which we could attach the trunk of a baby elephant in place of your penis, it’s been fairly succesful in several test cases. Now, of course its not a real penis but you would actually be amazed at the dexterity which an elephant trunk can exhibit, and the real upside is that you would be hung like a hor…well…a baby elephant”.
The man pondered this for a moment and then he said “I’ll do it doc, I can’t stand the thought of never being able to pleasure my beautiful wife again, it’s just more than I could bear”.
A week later the operation is performed and the doctor informed him that everything had gone as planned. He said “Allow yourself several weeks for the skin grafts to heal, and then you should be able to give your new penis a test run”.
A month later everything seemed to have healed quite well so the man made reservations for him and his wife at a fancy restuarant.
As they were eating dinner he felt a strange stirring in his pants. Well, he thought, it seems like all is going well down below. A few minutes later he was feeling even more pressure inside his pants. In fact it was beginning to feel quite uncomfortable so he discretely unbuttoned his trousers and loosened his fly just a bit. A moment later, to his total disbelief, his new penis sprang forth from his pants, grabbed a dinner roll, and disappeared back into his pants.
His wife looked stunned for a moment and then said with a sly smile, “That was amazing, do you suppose you could do that again?” To which her husband replied “Well, I think so honey, but I’m not sure I could fit another roll up my butt.”