Also get a giant clock of some kind and put it on a chain to wear as a necklace. When she asks what you are doing tell her you are just as cool as Flava Flav and yell, “Yeah, booooy!”
Ah, thanks. So I’ll be doing it with Diet Dr Pepper, then. My dead loved ones are on the wagon.
Daddy? Is that you? Trying to embarrass me in front of my new internet friends?
This is my new favorite website.
Yeah, along with holding your finger and your thumb in the shape of an “L” on your forehead". That wasso 1990’s, and it makes you look kinda dumb (not the sharpest tool in the shed).
I’m glad it’s working out well for you Shodan, as there is nothing so beautiful as the face of a highly embarassed teen.
On the previous page a poster mentioned “Fierce” - but it has to be said with the glee of Christian (Project Runway), add a snap in the Z formation and maybe an “OHMAHGEE” in a squeal - she will forever wonder your sexuality.
Since you’re adept at dancing, do this in Target. I’ve done the homie run up to TheKid (hips and knees forward, feet turned out, arms flailing behind me) in public - much to her chagrin. I will often throw very deadpanned hoodspeak at her, which she hates.
I’ve also found explaining the slang annoys the hell out of teens. It’s bad enough that many of the stuff they listen to samples from “our” generation, but to steal our music too?
Maybe, but the kids in my 10 year old daughter’s class are still doing the “L on the forehead” (I don’t know abnout the “Whatever W”). Some things apparently take a while to trickle down through the grades and eventually disappear. Beatnik slang was still popular when I was a kid in the early 1960s, long after beatniks really ceased to exist.
I only have sweaty, smelly, eat everything in the house, teen boys coming in and out of my house. Girls have cooties unless they can play GH3 on hard. They tolerate me because I feed them lean pockets and pizza rolls. But when the mood stikes, I’ll answer the door with
yo yo yo dude, give me some nucks
As I present my knuckles. I’m usually met with partially raised kunkles as the confused deer in the headlight look sets in.
Or, actually say LOLz (lawlz). That became even more fun to do when the oldest forbid me from saying it.
You’re welcome
Bust this out in the middle of Target after talking about your new dance class. I don’t care what anyone else says. This is guaranteed to make her grow a shell and hide in it.
Great thread.
It all depends just how far you want to go. There have been some deadly suggestions thus far, but if you really want to go nuclear, then you can use the most time-honoured ruse of all. Use this with caution, as there really is NO going back after deploying this, the most awesome and feared of embarassment weapons. Next time you are with her in public, preferably with some of her friends present, pretend to notice something near her mouth that you feel is worth cleaning off her face, take out a tissue, lightly spit on it, and wipe away the imaginary problem.
You have been warned.
This thread has given me a lot of joy. It helped me answer the phone at work yesterday with a smile on my face. I have a 17 year son, but I can’t use any of these ideas because he is virtually impossible to embarrass, dagnabit!
My dad can topped any of this. In the 70s we moved to a town with big open lots that all the neighbors could see. Dad, even though he hated the army, wore a crew cut (until the day I went away to college) and he would do his yard work in this tighty whities with birkenstocks with white socks. He was the talk to my entire school.
you gotta get a fitted, def. #5. You must leave the sticker on the bill and the bill must remain stiff and unbent.
For all who don’t know, a fitted is the current incarnation of the baseball cap, which, unlike it’s name suggests, cannot be adjusted to fit the head. In addition to being one size, it must be worn big enough to just sit on the head and stick out over the ears.
Yute.
The only possible improvement would be the wearing of black dress socks instead of white crew socks. Other than that, I got nothing.
A friend of mine used to embarrass his teen-age son by showing his dates a baby picture of him, full frontal nude, standing in a little tin tub.
But one girl, spur of the moment, on the very first date, said with a giggle “boy – that little thing has sure grown since then!” Left the parents absolutely dumbfounded.
P.S. She is now his wife, and they are dealing with 3 teenage sons of their own.
Shodan, could I make a suggestion? Next time she’s with her friends & starts in on you, put your arm around her, smile, & confide, “Honey (Sweetie, Sugar, or whatever will embarrass her) when I was your age I felt the same way about Grandma/Grandpa.”
Smile & add, “And when you have kids, they’ll be just as embarrassed about you as you are about me right now.” Now give her a big smack atop her head along with an “I understand” smile. Be sure you have an audience.
Spoken from experience. Love, Phil
That is rich!
Observed in a Subway today:
14/15 year old boy, in tones of horrified indignation and with a very audible “whisper” : “Mo-om! Gawd! Bee-otch! Not B H!” <massive, agnsty teenage sigh> “You don’t say it out loud in front of people! Geez!”
Mom looked smug while the kid tried to curl up and die on the spot. 
It might be worth a shot.
I thought so too…
One day I was shopping with my son (15) and daughter(17). Tthey were pestering each other (par usual) I had had it and told them to knock it off… wise daughter did so…silly son did not.
When we were at the register (with a cute young female cashier ringing us up) son made one last smartass comment.
I said in a loud voice: "Son, do I have to put you down for a nap home,
after I breast feed you AGAIN???
He turned beet red and his mouth fell open …the cashier started giggling…and my son settled right down 
Since that day, now all I have to do is raise my eyebrow…and cup my breast. 
Mix old and new terminology, I’m talking try and mix two or three different decades at once here. You were partially there with the “W” sign with the fingers (I haven’t seen that used since 6th grade when Smash Mouth “Allstar” was still popular, yes I’m young but I enjoy watching and hearing about my age-peers squirm). But nothing is potentially more degrading than throwing out a “chill, yo” one sentence and the very next trying to “desperately grasp” your way to being “hip” by throwing in something from your childhood, or something she thinks may have been around that time (“groovy?” “bad?” it’s all fair game) thinking the terminology is still cool (it’s more devastating when juxtaposed by modern slang because it looks like you’re trying).
If you REALLY REALLY want to get her (and remain with the theme of “trying” to be cool), you have approximately two clothing options. One is to go with the typical “angsty teen” look, baggy jeans (but in this attire make sure they fit, you’re not going to sag), and hot topic-esque T-shirts that have “witty” sayings on them, or pick “your” (read: her) favorite hip-hop/rap/whatever group and wear a shirt with them on it. Tell her you’re “representin’ my g-dogs[sup]1[/sup] in <band name>.” The other avenue is to go to a Gap (or something? not sure where to get this stuff). Get a white baseball cap, really truly ferociously baggy pants. Some knit shorts (for over the boxers, or maybe that’s just to get around the dress code, if so nix this… on second thought the ambiguity makes it more embarrassing), a “Hip-Hop” belt, and one of those colored striped shirts, preferably pink (you can substitute this with those really shiny silvery thin shirts). Bonus points if instead of looking modern Hip-Hop you look like some godless abomination of a mix between The Fresh Prince and the modern Hip-Hop (the anachronism will eat at her very soul)!
This one is mainly experimental, but tell her you “like rap” too… and start singing some old rap. I mean that comically delicious '80s pre-rap here. Something along the lines of this will do. Or even better, start trying to impromptu rap… or freestyle or spit mad lyrics yo or whatever the hell they call it nowdays.
That’s all I’ve got for now.
[sup]1[/sup] (editors note: I think this term was out of date the day it was first used, watch her squirm when you drop it)
ETA: Try and casually drop mofo into a conversation. I can only see it driving her bonkers, though I could be wrong since I think it’s probably only used ironically now anyway.