Please, I need your help...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have been experiencing sporatic internet availablity as we slowly but surely steam westward. Regretably, I cannot accomplish my usual daily tasks.

I ask your help in accomplishing the following:

  1. Berate any smiley user.

  2. Give Falcon shit blowing off two Dopefests. Post as soon as possible after her in every thread in which she posts. Remind her that I am omnipotent.

  3. Urge an average of 5.7 young women each day to get naked.

  4. Lament my horniness which is increasing exponentionally.

  5. Speculate on the chance on my getting laid.

I thank you.

Now no one will miss me… not even the naked, horny ladies.

2

That’s what you get for living on a boat. :wink: < I hadda do it >

3

But of course we’ll miss you . . . bats eyelashes

4

5-7 are easily taken care of. No Problems here good buddy.
I’ll ensure there to be much nakedness running rampant through the boards whilst you are unavailable, and I’ll speculate on my chances of getting laid absolutely.
Bon Voyage, don’t work too hard out there.

5

Chief, with your permission, I’d gladly step into your shoes until you’re home.

if granted, I will speak on behalf of the Chief by denoting my posts like this

{chief’s hat : ON)

can I have your commission sir?

6

Omnipotent??? You WISH, sailorboy! Sheesh!

And of course we’ll miss you, hon! Who else will flirt with me now??? pouts

7

ChiefScott! There you are!

I assure you, you have been missed. The boards aren’t the same without you, big guy!

::This post has been certified 100% smiley-free.::

8

I’ll get nakkid twice a day for ya Chief, but I refuse to endanger my life by giving Falcon a hard time !

The way my luck has been running she’d fly down here and hurt me.

See, no smilies ! (This time)

9

5.7 chicks? No problem. I strip 8 chicks every morning before breakfast! Uphill, in the snow!

The rest I will happily concur with as well. One condition: could you nuke France for me?

10

I’m here for ya’ Falc. Dammit Tech…may the nastiest hounds of Hell tear you limb from limb for using smilies!!!

How was that Chief?

Okay ladies, it is now 12:17. Time to get nekkid.
My job here is done.

11

Naked horny lady speaking here Chief! I’ll miss you and I’ll get naked every day for you too baby!

12

We’re supposed to wear clothes?

13

Feh! I bet they’re those new-fangled electric chicks! Why back in my day, all we had were woodburning ones! It took at least until noon to get’em all properly stoked!

14

Damn! a new flightsuit, and I think the zipper’s stuck on this packet of cinnamon oil… ::Umph…:: need…help…

Cool! Hey, Falc, give me a hand, huh? ::wiggles eyebrows::

15

Oh I’ll give you more than a hand, VB… wink

Now then, was the cinammon oil for me or you?

(Yep, I think the flirting needs are going to be covered…grin)

16

Hey, Falc, baby. I looo-oo-oove what those feathers do for you. They really complement the, umm … talons on those scaly legs. And what a beak! It looks perfect for pulling out my soft tissues. How’d you like to feast on my entrails?

Hmmm, maybe not.

17

Well, if you get liberty in Bangkok or Subic Bay, speculation is rampant. Some of the guys I used to work with were F-14 avionics techs on the Ranger & Coral Sea in the 1970’s. They had Subic Bay & Bangkok stories that damn near curled my hair. Sounded like it might be fun, although it probably isn’t a safe idea these days…

18

Chief! I thought the boat got lost in the Bermuda Triangle!

Hmmmm, maybe that’s why your internet service is so crappy. See if your links go back in time, okay?

19

Hey Chief,

In your memory, er… honor, I stripped 5 chicks earlier today and began searching for the .7th when I suddenly realized that I had no idea how to strip .7 chick.

I searched low and lower and couldn’t find 0.7 chick. So I found an other entire chick willing to participate in this ritual when I realized that I also didn’t know how to stop at 0.7 of a stripping.

If you don’t clarify soon there’ll be no way for me to complete all of these 0.7s before you return.
This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast Smiley. Had it been an actual alert you would have been instruction to select one smiley from the list below:

:smiley:
:confused:
:cool:
:eek:
:o
:frowning:
:j
:mad:
:rolleyes:
:slight_smile:
:stuck_out_tongue:
:wink:
:wally

Aren’t you glad this wasn’t an actual alert?

20

[no smilies in honor of ChiefScott]
It should be easy, Southern. Make sure the 6th chick is wearing 10 articles of clothing, and then remove 7 articles of clothing.
[/no smilies in honor of ChiefScott]