My wife, her mother, and her sister attend the same church. They see each other 4-5 times a week, including Sundays.
My wife thinks this normal, I think its absolutely batshit crazy. Have some friends outside the damn family!!!
This week, my MIL and SIL are visiting family out of state. My wife decided to stay home from church. One of fine meambers of the congregation decided to call MIL and tattle. MIL calls my wife and gives her the third degree.
She is in another fucking time zone! Who gives a shit if her daughter skips church? Of course my wife LIKES this, says her mom is just being concerned. Gag, fight ensues.
Please, please tell I’m not alone dealing with evil, intrusive in-laws. Stories welcome and, frankly, needed.
The MIL policing your wife seems weird. But the fact that your wife hangs out with her mother and sister several times a week doesn’t seem inherently bad.
My wife keeps her mom and sis at arms length: phone calls once or twice a week, in-person visits every month or 3. And they don’t get any say over how she’s living her life or how we’re dealing with our kids (who are adults themselves.)
My wife would not want to involve them much more than that in her life, as their outlook and views are extremely different from hers (and mine, for that matter) in most issues political, social, intellectual, and philosophical.
Meh, some people stay really close to their parents and siblings. I don’t really think its a bad or unhealthy thing. And your problem seems to be more with how your wife spends her time then with your MIL.
Its only “intrusive” if your wife doesn’t like it. If she wants her mother to hang out with her, then its just, well, hanging out.
Are you and the wife not on the same page when it comes to the church thing? If so, I would see that as much more of a problem than her wanting to hang with her family. Trust me, I know all about the spouse being into church and the other spouse (me) NOT into it at all. That can cause a multitude of problems in a marriage.
I don’t care if my wife goes to church. Since my MIL considers me the Antichrist, if my wife skips church my MIL assumes I talked her out of it. Always. “Did that husband convince you to stay home today?” (Yeah, I’m ‘the husband’. We’ve been married for a decade, I don’t think I’ve heard her say my name more than half a dozen times.) Rubbish. In today’s case my wife pulled a muscle in her back yesterday doing some yard work, so she decided to stay home. Mommy wasn’t too happy about that, even though she was in another state.
Your wife’s relationship with her mother is kind of not your business as long as it doesn’t negatively affect your relationship with your wife, but your mother-in-law being disrespectful to you is not acceptable. Your wife needs to put the brakes on that like yesterday - “No, it wasn’t husband who made me stay home from church, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about him that way.”
My ex-wife and her mother have been estranged for years. We found out that my ex’s brother passed away through an obituary. Luckily we found out in time to attend the memorial service. When we got there the only thing MIL said to my ex was, “I wish it had been you.”
My first husband’s mother was essentially that mom from “Everybody Loves Raymond.” Nothing I did or said or cooked was quite good enough for her pwecious baby boy. Before her visits, I would scrub the house top to bottom, dusting baseboards and taking a toothbrush to the corners. I’d stock the kitchen with foods that they liked, and cook my little 20-year-old heart out. She’d walk in the door, hug her son, and start cleaning while quizzing me on reproduction plans. (Specifically, she wanted a red-haired grandson and a blonde granddaughter. In that order. ) She’d wash the freshly washed dishes, dump a full pot of coffee and make it the “right” way, and replace the bed linens with clean ones, even if I’d just done so. And then bring in groceries, despite the fact that my refrigerator was full to bursting with food that I’d bought for their visit. (I paid attention to brands they liked, and specifically bought those, even though it stretched our meager budget. Somehow, it was always wrong.) If I sat down to chat and catch up, she would nag me to take up knitting or quilting or cross stitch or something, so that I wasn’t just “wasting time” while I socialized with company. I made the mistake of telling her that I generally preferred to read if I was sitting down and relaxing. So she spent seven years buying me books of housekeeping tips, “Cooking for Dummies” type cookbooks, and sewing/knitting instruction books for birthdays and Christmas.
I hated that passive-aggressive bitch.
On preview, though, I think cellguy wins the thread so far.
That’s way too involved in an adult woman’s life for my taste but preferences vary. I’ve fond that grown men and women who are willing to be treated like children by their parents have (in general) somewhat passive and immature personalities and enjoy, or are otherwise comfortable, being treated like babies.
They do not, in my experience, make good or reliable marriage partners as their primary loyalty will always be to their parents, not the marriage bond. If they disagree with you about decisions you have to make in the marriage they will not seek to reach an adult compromise, but will run to their parents for comfort and support.
This is obviously not everybody’s experience. I am wary of these type of people because I married a woman who was always far more her parents child than an adult marriage partner, and I paid the price.
that’s a 2 way street my friend. I’d call her back and read her the fucking riot act. “If you don’t like the fact that my wife, your daughter, didn’t attend church then quietly pray for her soul on your own time”. “I’m not happy with this kind of petty nonsence and will not tolerate it” Please don’t ever talk to my wife like that again, I realize you’re her mother but she’s not a child. Are we clear on this?
Not this. As Cat Whisperer said, my MIL’s relationship with my wife is my business when it interferes with our relationship, but not before. I’m not going to call her and ball her out; trays not my place. She’s too stupid to figure out what I was yelling, anyway.
My MIL grew up in Scotland and has been here in Oregon since the mid 60’s. She saw her own mother twice since the day she came here in 1967 and the day her mom died in 2006. She didn’t go home for the funeral. I think she’s compensating by being an overbearing bitch. She treats all her daughters this way.
seems to me if you’re posting on a website then you’re not too happy about the situation. to the extent it’s interfering with things is obviously your call. I’ve found a mixture of diplomacy and honesty to be the best way to deal with things. Time and a dictionary are on your side if you decide to sort it out with her.
best of luck. there are no returns at the MIL store.
My sister’s MIL is a little more evil, though not all that much.
6 months before sis and BIL’s wedding, both BIL’s older brothers decided to get married too (because Gods forbid the YOUNGER brother should get married first, right?! Jealous losers). One couple eloped to Jamaica (quoth the wife the day of sis’ wedding “we beat them by two weeks, tee hee!”) and the other couple opted for a destination wedding in Cuba a few months later.
For the Cuba wedding, sis and BIL - both poor students on the cusp of graduation - had to fork over $2500. Two weeks before their own wedding ('cause, yeah, not like they have any expenses now, right, given as they are paying part of it?! And what the fuck - $2500 for two people in Cuba in May is an insane amount of money).
My sister balks, because she’d have to take the money out on a line of credit, and is thinking about the cost of everything coming due at once, and can she pay part now, and part later?
MIL gets mad, threatens to NOT GO TO THEIR WEDDING, and tells her son that “Oh, by the way, you owe your big brother $500 that he loaned you back when you were 15 (a decade prior) and never bothered to ever mention again, so pay up now!”
Because if it was that way when you married her, you don’t have much cause to complain about it now. Just keep on living with it, if you want to live with her. In-laws are the price you pay for marrying someone wonderful.