I think that last point is key. If this were really a thing, it would be everywhere. Hell, when whatever channel did “My Great, Big, Gypsy Wedding,” I’m sure it would’vee been the cliffhanger to more than one season. More reality shows than you could shake a stick at would cover it and the whole entire internet would love to gape and gasp about the sordid details. So, once again… :dubious:
You are rapidly departing the realm of civility in how you’re expressing your disagreement. Please tone it down some or take it to a more appropriate forum. Thanks.
Most likely, what would happen would be that the bride would respond “thank you”. Just because ZPG Zealot thinks that most of her associates are toxic jerks, does not mean that they actually are. I’m pretty sure that she thinks that the entire human species are all toxic jerks, and would like for us to go extinct.
What is more tragic are the cases where this comes to light years afterwards.
It’s not so bad when someone does it immediately because the groom and his family can actually not file the paperwork, and avoid the horrible dishonor of someone – or 80% of the guests – haven given a slight. There is no future for this couple.
No, it’s the cases where this came out 40, 50 or 60 years later. Where a loving couple has raised a family together, had wonderful children, sacrificed for each other and found contentment. What a waste to have to throw all of that out because of one simply word decades in the past.
People don’t realize what a cruel, horrible, terrible place the world can be.
Depending on the circumstances you might lose a friend or a possibly a job or a chance at a promotion in certain circles. You would definitely get a nasty glare from members of the wedding and some people would mention your rudeness in loud whispers (you know they ones you’re supposed to hear). Some people might decide you’re trashy and choose not to associate with you because of it. In some situations, particular if the groom is sensitive about the bride’s reputation or her feelings, yeah, he would punch you (not use a silken glove).
Easy, the groom and the bride love each other, but the groom’s family doesn’t like the bride and have only very tentatively agreed to the marriage. Statements that compromise the bride’s reputation become the final nail in the coffin. It’s one thing to have the potential of a good marriage ruined by your decisions and mistakes. It’s a another far more nasty thing to have it ruined by slander and lies from someone else.
This is exactly the issue I have with 19th century weddings. I send the happy couple a silver tea service and my regrets at not being able to attend due to a touch of the consumption.
I can certainly see how members of a groom’s family can hate the bride and do everything they can to undermine the relationship, ultimately putting so much strain on it that it splits the couple. I just don’t say how sending various sisters, cousins, etc. through the receiving line, dripping sarcasm from each syllable of “congratulations” is any more offensive or damaging than dripping sarcasm from “I’m so happy…for YOU” or “SINCERELY, you have my best wishes.”
The real world where people have to interact with other people other than their spouse. A couple of legal age can certainly do the Romeo & Juliet thing, and marry regardless of how their family and friends feel. And everyone of us probably knows of at least once case where they have defied the odds, the marriage worked, and the star-crossed couple is fabulously happy together. However, reality is a marriage is much, much more likely to work if the couple’s families like each other and support the couple.
Your rabbi friend displayed perfect courtesy. He recognized that your intention was benevolent, and responded accordingly. My debutante aunt would say he was “raised right”.
I’ve heard the story of the grande dame and the guest who drank from the fingerbowl before, but attributed not to the Queen, but to Mrs. Astor. I’ve no idea if it actually occurred, but that’s not the point - the story is a parable, to show that the essence of courtesy is consideration for others. Mrs. Astor violated etiquette in order to put her guest at ease, because she understood that.
In my household, the first two sneezes get you “Bless you!”. The third gets “Now you’re just looking for attention!”