Poll About Sex for People Raised In Non-Christian Traditions

In My Humble Opinion
1

In the spirit of this thread, I’m curious about how people who were not raised as Christians were taught about sex in their families and communities. So here goes, myself first (I’ve modified the questions slightly):

  1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

Quite Reform Judaism.

  1. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one?

It wasn’t really discussed in the context of “sin” at all. I actually don’t recall ever participating in a discussion on sex in religious school. The only time it might have conceivably (heh) come up would have been in my Sunday school ethics unit. Discussions of sex were left for the family from the moral/ethical/rules/pragmatic side, and the (public) school district on the biology side.

I don’t think my dad has ever talked to me directly about sex, ever. Mom has, but after the horse was out of the barn. (Though I did always talk to her a fair amount about relationship stuff, and she knew what a goody-two-shoes I was and that I knew the biological side of things, probably better than she did, and had a good head on my shoulders. And frankly, she spent all her energy dealing with my younger sister, who was quite a handful.)

  1. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

N/A - we didn’t really discuss chastity in the religious context at all. I can tell you, though, that the way my father viewed the idea of my having sex as a (late) teen (I was 18 and had a serious boyfriend; Dad never outwardly acknowledged the concept that I might be sexually active - he just danced around it) is very different from the way he deals with the idea that my (now-19-year-old) half-brother is sexually active. That, Dad kind of laughs off. It’s really kind of annoying - I was a ton more independent and self-reliant and sensible at 19 than my brother is now.

  1. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

N/A - not part of a formal denomination, and I don’t have kids or serve as a mentor in any way. But if I did, it would be about personal responsibility, being honest with the other person, and using contraception. And waiting until you are old enough to deal with the emotional fallout, and preferably in a serious, loving relationship.

  1. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

40, female, Reform Judaism, agnostic.

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1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

None at all.

**2. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one? **

There’s no such thing as sin for an atheist. I was taught that sex is something that should be entered into carefully. I was taught that other people might try to pressure me into having sex before I was ready, and that lying was just fine if that’s what I had to do to be safe and if I needed to be picked up from somewhere to avoid “trouble”, there’d be no questions asked and no punishment for my actions. Same thing for alcohol, drugs or getting in the car with a drunk driver. (For example, I was encouraged to say things like, “My mom would just KILL me if I was home late! She’s totally insane.” or “I can’t have sex, she’ll know…she’ll just know and I’ll be grounded forever!” or “My uncle’s a cop and I’ll get drug tested if Mom suspects anything.” (This was before you could get home drug test kits.) “Blame it on me,” Mom used to say, “I don’t care if your friends hate me; better they hate me than hurt you!”

Sex was “Trouble” just like drugs and alcohol, in other words, even though it wasn’t a sin and God was never brought into it.

3. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

I was raised with the idea that boys would probably want it more than girls, but it wasn’t a foregone conclusion. What was clear, however, was that the old “double standard” of boys being studs and girls sluts for the same actions was ridiculous. Everyone should be equally mildly ashamed of themselves for having sex.

4. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

Safe, sane and consensual.

Sex complicates relationships; practice having relationships first before you throw sex into the mix. Sex complicates relationships not only with the person you have sex with, but with all your mutual friends.

If you’re going to have sex, you should practice both safe sex in terms of reducing the likelihood of disease transmission AND safe sex in terms of preventing pregnancy - and the two are not best achieved by the same means. (That is, condoms are good for disease prevention; not so good for pregnancy prevention.)

Both boys and girls bear responsibility for keeping themselves and their partners safe, physically, emotionally and socially.

Both boys and girls can be the aggressors, and both boys and girls can say no whenever they feel like it.

No means no, even if your partner said yes - even if your partner said yes last week, an hour ago or 2 minutes ago. No means stop, no matter what point you’re at.

Sex, when you’re both ready and both safe, is really, really fun!

5. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

34, female, agnostic/atheist in childhood, agnostic eclectic neopagan now.

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1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

Conservative Judaism, but on the Reform side of Conservative

**2. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one? **
No discussion at all, but we were under 13.

3. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?
Chastity? Since I was in high school and college during the hot time of the sexual revolution, and in New York and Cambridge, such silly ideas were not discussed.

4. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

In none. However, we made it clear to our girls that they’d be crazy to marry anyone without being sexually involved first, since it is such an important part of the relationship. Neither have been remotely promiscuous, and the older one is married after a 10 year very stable relationship.

5. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?
57., M, Jewish, Atheist.

4

1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

Reconstructionist/Reform Judaism

**2. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one? **

It was not discussed in the context of Hebrew School (which was 100% Jewish History, Hebrew Language, and Social Justice).

3. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

‘Chastity’ was not a word used. ‘Safe sex’ was advocated by parents and adults in my life, for both genders. My parents encouraged me to delay sex until college (at which point I was on BC pills), which worked out pretty well.

4. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

I am not a parent (yet). I will tell my kids to be safe, and how to best do that, and to be cautious about one’s choice of sex partners.

5. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

26, female, Reconstruction Judaism, Conservative Judaism

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  1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

Hinduism

  1. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one?

There was no super-obsessive focus on it. But it was conveyed clearly that it was a very bad idea, that I was too young (this was in high school), would damage chances of a marriage with another Indian/Hindu and that I was supposed to be focused on academics and going to college, not running around having sex and/or dating.

  1. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

Not in my family, but culturally there is way more emphasis on female virginity. Religiously, it’s supposed to apply to both genders.
4. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

Safety first, but highly inadvisable until college because I think relationship drama bogs down academic achievement. I would like to raise well-rounded children and hope they have a healthy sex life down the line, but I don’t think graduating high school as a virgin dooms you forever.

I’d like them to achieve a level of emotional maturity and ability to discriminate before they have sex and for the most part that comes with age.

  1. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

29, f, Hindu/Hindu

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1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

Reasonably liberal Islamic Ismailism

**2. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one? **

It was never discussed in formal religious education, but my parents made it very very clear to me that premarital sex was frowned upon and I was expected to remain a virgin till my wedding night and that not being so was a very big deal. But not really discussed in the context of “sin” at all…

3. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

None at all… A guy suspected of sleeping around/being sexually active was just as much of a Bad Thing as a woman doing it.
4. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

N/A as I’m not a parent or a spiritual advisor. But if I was, I’d go for the “be safe” angle, and emphasise that you should wait till you’re in a happy and loving relationship and not have sex for the sake of having sex.

4. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

28, Islamic Ismailism, Islamic Ismailism

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1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?
Atheism

**2. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one? **
Neither. Sex was Good Stuff between two consenting people. Since the institution of marriage was a bourgeois invention, and quite outdated, there was no difference between sex before or inside the marriage. It was more important that it happened with the consent of both parts, and that you were of legal age.
ETA: And always play safe. My pragmatic mother supplied me with a huge batch of flavoured condoms on my 15th birthday. And I mean huge.

3. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?
I guess the “formal dogma” was that women and men have equal rights to sleep with whoever they want to, and have as many partners as they want to. “Chaste” didn’t enter into it. Of course, in the real world girls got either the madonna or the whore stamp while guys were more studly the more partners they had. That was less rampant among the kids I hung out with, possibly because most of us were children of leftist intellectuals with very liberal attitudes towards sex. (of course my retrospective goggles may be rose-coloured)

4. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?
N/A, but if I did have kids or were in a similar position, I would probably teach similar attitudes.

4. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?
31, female, atheist, agnostic

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  1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

Orthodox Judaism.

  1. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one?

Pretty major. Minor sin was premarital touching. Not that it’s any hardship to me- I’m asexual, and don’t really see what the fuss is about anyway.

  1. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

None that I’m aware of. Both boys and girls were taught that sex outside of marriage was Bad, as was touching and kissing outside of marriage. I’d say that pretty much all of my HS classmates were virgins, although not all of them kept their hands to themselves.

  1. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

19, female, still Orthodox

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1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

I had an agnostic mother/step-father/step-mother and a buddhist father, so I was effectively raised with no religion at all. Spiritual and religious education and discussion with my father was a major part of my childhood, however.

All of the aforementioned parents had at least somewhat christian childhood backgrounds, so we celebrated the standard American secularized christian holidays (Christmas, chocolate for the kids on Easter, etc.). My only living grandparent, my father’s mother, is Catholic, but she is a particularly liberal one that attends any local church she likes (currently Episcopalian, but it was a Unitarian one when she lived in Florida), so she never had an objection to how we were raised.

My brother ended up a buddhist, by the way, and I ended up with my own version of a monotheistic (non-Judeo-Christian) belief system. I have no idea what my step-sisters ended up as - it’s never occurred to me until now to ask. I only know about my brother because of the shrine in his living room.

My husband was raised relatively observant Methodist, but he became an atheist before I met him. It has meant that I have had an education in a more typical American protestant religious life via his family, though, which has been kind of odd. Grace before family dinners I expected, but the emphasis placed on Easter was kind of a surprise, though in retrospect it should have been obvious.

2. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one?

Neither. I was taught about the basic mechanics as a child, and standard high school Sex Ed filled in the background biology. I received my father’s copy of The Joy of Sex as a young teen along with a quick invitation to ask any questions, but I’m pretty sure that as non-traditional as he was, he didn’t want to dwell on the possibility of my sex life any more than I wanted him to dwell on it. I certainly wasn’t encouraged not to have it or anything, though. My brother had his girlfriends stay over sometimes in his teens.

(As my dad grew older and the pain medications loosened his tongue, I learned far more about his sex life than I really wanted to know - geez, dad, I don’t really need to know about the threesome where you went naked to the car to grab the bondage gear and accidentally got locked out of the house. Thanks for sharing. :rolleyes: )

3. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

Hmm. Not much that I can think of. I suspect that dad was a little more open to the possibilities of my brother having sex than us three girls, but he wasn’t hypocritical enough to ever actually say anything. It was just “that scum is touching my little girl!” syndrome. I never noticed that my mom made any distinction about sex between my brother and I, despite her massive, obsessive overprotective streak with me (she’s mentally ill).

4. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

N/A - no formal denomination. I’d probably raise my hypothetical children about the same way I was.

4. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?
32, female, N/A, and monotheist.

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**1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?
**
A strange hodgepodge of atheism, Catholicism, Christianity, Buddhism, and Confucianism. More appropriately, it could be said that I was raised, by very materialistic and non-spiritual parents, to worship the greenback above all else – those sissy “religion” things were just there for entertainment and amusement, really. We’d go to temple, mass, or church the same way we’d go to the zoo once in a while.

**2. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one? **

Never got the birds and the bees talk at all, except for a one sentence “Don’t get anyone pregnant” when I moved out at age 18.

I learned about sex (premarital or otherwise) almost exclusively through Hollywood and Internet porn. In those realms, there’s only sin regarding sex: not getting enough of it.

3. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

I was taught that the men pursue and seduce, and the women give in after being fooled long enough. Chastity is something women fake to make themselves more appealing to handsome playboys. Marital status doesn’t really factor in to either side’s considerations.

4. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

N/A

4. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

I’m 24, male, was raised confused and remain very confused. But I call myself agnostic for short.

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  1. Muslim

  2. Sex was not something that religious education touched upon at all, and when it did it was it was in passing about family life. Specifically the quote was “marriage is … two people fulfilling each others sexual needs”. That is one quote I still remember.

  3. I was raised in a military enviroment, and as a child, boys were expected to want more of it than girls (bloody hell they got that wrong), though was considered wrong. Most of the time my dads unit was on active service in operational, and the younger officcers and men on leave, went around proving their manhood all over the place. The attitude was that… “they are one bullet away from death, let them have fun”.

4)I would instill responsibility, self respect, and good judgement.

  1. 24, muslim.
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Where, if I may, were you raised? Are you an American Muslim? I’m just wondering because I imagine the experience (and the sexual education) would be rather different if you were raised in the Middle East or someplace with a fundamentalist Muslim culture. But of course, correct me if I’m wrong.

13
  1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

Nothing - parents weren’t religious and my mother was very much of the opinion that if I wanted a religion I could pick one when I was old enough to do it sensibly. I went to Sunday school when I said I wanted to and stopped when I didn’t want to go any more (not that long after).

  1. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one?

Well, as I’m gay it’s a little different for me as marriage wasn’t an option when I was growing up. I was taught that if I was going to have sex with someone I should use a condom and for goodness sake have it at home where I was safe rather than in some bush or dark alley somewhere. My mother was terrified of me hooking up with some random man in a cruising ground and being hurt by him or someone else, so made me promise I’d always be careful and if in doubt do it at home where she knew I’d be okay. Yes, my mother is about as uber-liberal as it’s possible to get.

  1. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

N/A for several reasons. First there were no girls in the equation so it was a bit irrelevant, second I don’t think I really encountered the word chastity until I about 15 or so (and that was reading a period novel). My mother talked to me quite a bit about relationships and the part of sex within that, but “keep it in your trousers” was never a view she expressed.

  1. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

I’m a Satanist now and formal religious denomination is a little bit of a misnomer for me. I live the principles of Satanism when it comes to sex - I enjoy it, have it frequently and don’t pretend it’s anything other than what it is: good fun between adults. I would bring my children up exactly the same way I was, with sex being a fact of life and the practicalities around it and its place within a relationship (or not, as the case may be) being the most important thing.

  1. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

29, male, nothing, Satanist.

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  1. What religious/spiritual tradition, or lack thereof, were you raised in?

Orthodox Judaism.

  1. Were you taught as part of your religious education that premarital sex was a major sin, or a minor one?

Major. Sex within marriage is holy, sex outside it is a violation of that which is holy.

  1. Making a distinction between the formal dogma you were taught and the attitudes of people you knew from your religious/spiritual practice environment, how much difference was made between female and male chastity?

None at all. A boy was no less “looked down on” if he hung out with girls than a girl was if she hung out with boys.

  1. If you consider yourself part of a formal religious denomination now, and are either a parent or spiritual advisor of some sort, what attitudes about premarital sex do you try to instill in your children or students?

I’m a parent, and I am attempting to instill in my children with exactly the same attitudes.

  1. What is your approximate age, sex, childhood denomination (if applicable) and current denomination (if applicable)?

38, male, Orthodox Judaism, Orthodox Judaism

15

The Federation of Pakistan and its territories which together comprise the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. Live there till September of '07, and will again from July of this year.
“Middle East”, “Islamic World” are very diverse places. Within my own country people will much every conciveable experience on this issue. This is a country where the hottest show on TV was about a cross dresser.

16

Nice. That’s exactly the kind of ignorance I wanted to be corrected on. Thank you. Is your position unusual? Is there even a majority view in your country or is it too diverse to call?

17

Too diverse to call I would say.
My own upbringing was a niche one; an army brat as you Yanks say, so mine own position would be different from most.