Can you give me some examples of shirts and pants that would “look good”? Nothing that is more than one layer please, I live in NM and it’s hot enough as it is with a t-shirt and shorts on.
Why is this poll confined to single men? I got way more smiles from women after I got married than before.
c) Yes! Opportunity beckons again!
Which may be the same as a) I guess, but is a bit more tempered.
No.
I was in the Santa Fe/Albuquerque area for a week a year ago in June. I wore a wool suit for many hours and it sucked ass. What’s worse, I danced with relatives after having eaten a ton of spicy food. I sweated like a pig. And that was in a DRY heat! The wet heat around here is just as bad.
Urban Outfitters is not my style. Express has some great stuff that looks great on me, and it’s cheap. TJ Maxx has great stuff, but you really have to hunt for it. Check out some of the offbeat stores. I’ve found some great stuff at places that cater to retro hippies with style. My last GF introduced my to Lucky Brand. I love that stuff.
I like shirts that have an interseting color or texture. If I’m forced to wear a dress shirt and tie to work (which I am), I choose interesting stuff. My favortite is a pink shirt with a matching pink striped tie. It invites a lot of comments from women. Tons.
I think my favorite was from a woman who said “You have to be really sexually secure to wear a color like that.”
Duh!
Usually C.
“Hmmm, that there has potential. Just fix that, that, that, that, etc.”
Right, because there are no sad people in relationships, and everyone who thinks they aren’t being creepy very obviously are not. Clearly all single people are have emotional problems, and all couples are always happy and positive. Hmm, no that doesn’t sound right. Sad people meet women too. So we’ve eliminated emotions, as well as money, looks, & intellect. What does that leave? Hmm, not much. I guess that means nobody is single.
I don’t believe what you’re telling me, cuz I tried it. Been there, done that. It isn’t that simple. What I learned is that just being positive is like faking confidence: it’s only good till they see past it to who you really are. If you can’t carry it the rest of the way with funny, intelligent, & attractive, then it’s just veneer.
Well, actually, I got a haircut last weekend, and oddly enough nothing changed. Cheering up and staying positive only works if you got the rest of it too.
Look Hotflungwok, you’re evidently frustrated/unhappy about being single, and imo tdn and Fuzzy Dunlop have been trying at great and rather remarkable length to help you out. But you can’t bring a dead horse to water and make it drink.
Well…yes. I think most women would like their potential partners to be funny, intelligent, and attractive, since the implied alternative is that he’s humorless, stupid, and ugly. Are you saying that you’re unable to be any of these things to anyone?
Personal preferences aside (and it is quite a big aside), of course there are generally agreed upon standards for beauty, intellect, etc. People don’t generally get confused between Penelope Cruz and Susan Boyle. But I think the majority of men and women want to find someone whom they find engaging yet can be comfortable with. No one’s perfect and in a relationship you’ve got to figure out what you’re okay with trading off and what you’re unwilling to compromise. To some women your appearance my matter more than to others; it’s something people prioritize just like any other quality.
Very true!
25 years ago my mindset was more or less exactly like his. I was convinced that I sucked and women would never like me, and I went to huge lengths to prove it not only to myself but to the world. Some people tried really hard to get me to adopt a more optimistic world view, but that just made me dig my heels in harder. That was a really dark period in my life.
My outlook these days is much different. Life is fantastic and I can’t wait to see how today is going to unfold. It never ceases to amaze me that reality is whatever you create it to be.
Are you suggesting that some people might have slightly distorted views of themselves? I’d love to pin you down on this and get something straight between us. And rearrange every cell in your lovely body in the process.
Ouch. I think I sprained something just imagining it. You are dangerous!
I wasnt suggesting you get your hair cut, I was suggesting you try a new style. For some reason a lot of people walk around with hair that does nothing to help their look. Find a local salon - it doesnt have to be expensive - and ask for a stylist who is good with men’s cuts. In my experience male stylists are a little more likely to put effort into it than women but there’s no reason to be sexist. Any competent stylist could talk to you for a few minutes do something even just a bit different that would really improve your look.
Really though my point is there’s a lot you can do to make yourself look better if youre willing to invest a bit in it. Maybe you'll never be quite as attractive as me, **tdn**, or Brad Pitt, in that order, but you don't need to compare yourself to other guys. If you're not happy with the way you look, there are a lot of easy changes for the better out there that dont involve changing who you are as a person.
Personally, I’d recommend changing who you are as a person too, because you seem like a sourpuss to me. But, I digress.
I realize you’re not really interested in my advice, but I don’t care. Maybe someone else will find it useful.
You have to find something that works for your style. People often say to me things like 'I could never pull that look off" or “not a lot of guys could pull that off”, which out of context on an Internet message board sounds like it might be just finding something polite to say, but most people seem to genuinely like the way I dress. On the flip side though, I’d look like an ass in a graphic t-shirt or a hoodie; whereas most any guy under a certain age looks totally at ease in those clothes. People are just different.
Make sure your clothes fit well. Bring a fashionable girl or guy friend and get their opinion. Failing that, go at a time the store won’t be busy and befriend a few sales clerks. It’s a boring job and in my experience most people will love to kill 20 minutes helping a friendly guy pick out clothes. Not just “be happy to”. Like, “I’m obviously really happy you came in and helped me pass the time by being witty and appreciative of my help”
Don’t wear shorts that are really culottes that you call shorts. Don’t wear denim shorts. Don’t wear pleated shorts. And please don`t ever wear pleated denim shorts.
Woah! WTF? Since when does Brad move up to third place?
Can I get a high five on that?
Personally, I go for things that are a little unusual. Interesting textures, strange collar shapes, unsymmetrical patterns. If a store smells like patchouli, I’ll take a look. I may have to spend a bit more, but it’s worth it.
Shoes are really important. For some reason a woman can look at your shoes and instantly tell if you’ll give her orgasms. I like snake or alligator skin, but for some reason that turns off vegan women. Win/win!
I bet my ex-husband was uglier than…well, anyone, but he was fun to play Jeopardy with and knew a lot about music.
After a quick look at your posting history, I see that you’re a very articulate guy, an atheist who had a religious upbringing, and a fan of Jim Butcher. Hey, I’m all those things too, except articulate! 
On that alone, you’d impress me as intelligent. If you also seemed kind and funny, I’d really enjoy your company. (Gaming, well, you’d have to teach me about that). Let’s see, cleanliness is important, basic good manners, but you know this, right?
There’s more that goes into a successful relationship, of course, but I think we’re up to possible attraction now, and it would have a lot to do with how we got along. I swear.
Wow, that’s trying at great lengths? ‘Aw cmon, cheer up’? Please. It’s very easy for people who are on the shore to shout encouragement to those who are still drowning.
I already talked about this. If you attractive people, you are attractive. If you don’t you’re not. I don’t, so I’m not.
Um, okay… This isn’t a really dark period in my life. It’s just another period in my life. If you were to talk to my friends I’ll bet they would describe me as upbeat and generally happy. I don’t walk around kicking puppies and swearing at kids. And yet somehow, in spite of all the advice you’ve given, I’m still single. Absolutely everything in my life indicates that your advice is simply wrong.
Sigh. Been there, done that, hasn’t worked. My hair doesn’t respond well to styling. If it’s not really short, it impossible to control. I’ve tried lots of things, and nothing works.
Veneer.
As I said before, I’m not. I’m just realistic about this. Wishing doesn’t make it so.
I would be interested if it had any bearing on me, but like I said, everything in my experience says your advice is wrong.
I am indeed. I don’t think your self-esteem is high enough.
[quote=“Dung_Beetle, post:94, topic:502240”]
I bet my ex-husband was uglier than…well, anyone, but he was fun to play Jeopardy with and knew a lot about music.
[QUOTE]
But he still attracted you…
You’re attracted to text. Reality is quite different.
It’s not a veneer; it’s real legitimate improvements to your appearance. I guess it’s a veneer masking the fact that you`re such a fucking downer. But on a purely physical level, making small improvements to your appearance is as real as it gets.
No. Deep.
No one is asking you to fake a single thing. What you need to do is unleash your authentic inner awesome. Trust me, it’s in there. You just don’t believe it yet. I hope someday you do.
Egads, you are so like I was 20 years ago! No, you are not being realistic. You’re trolling for sympathy. I know, I’ve been there. I lived the lifestyle, and I fucking invented the t-shirt. I know what it’s like to wallow in self-pity. There’s an odd sort of comfort that comes from it. But it’s a prison of your own making.
I know what it’s like to say “I’m just being realistic.” Your need to be right trumps your need to be happy, and if you could just convince the world of how right you are, we could all be miserable together. No thanks. I will never live that life again.
tdn’s post #78. Man can hardly say fairer (at least on a message board).
I can’t tell what you’re replying to in my post. Seems after this sequence of posts, the only thing that can be said that would hopefully be accepted is good luck.
Good luck!