We used to do it almost daily when we were together this summer, but now we’re long distance and even though I come up almost every weekend we rarely have sex anymore. Usually at least a couple times a month, though October only yielded once. It’s partially because she’s been irritated for a month and a half or so, and it’s not a lie, I’ve seen it. I keep telling her to go to a doctor but she won’t (well… and can’t for various reasons involving her inability to travel and the fact she lives in a small town). She also freaks out about being pregnant every time and sometimes it’s just not worth it because no matter what precautions she takes she always ends up hearing something or reading something about someone who had periods throughout pregnancy or who used Birth Control and a condom or whatever and STILL got pregnant so she rejects it out of abject fear sometimes.
It really sucks too, because I’m just not a horny person in general but she likes to play with my nipples and put her hand down there and then back off when I get horny. She does this pretty much every day I’m with her.
She ca flip outn, actually. We used to do things like that, where we’d use (TMI) her breasts or her hand or something (she tried oral a couple times and hates it). But she’s so afraid of becoming horny and wanting to have sex she doesn’t want to participate in any actual sexual contact, including full-on manual the closest I can get is (more TMI) dry humping and it always feels kinda distant since she tends to just watch TV or something during it even though she claims it makes her happy and she likes it. It’s odd because I don’t know why she keeps touching me if she’s that afraid, but she says she “likes to make [me] happy.” It gets really frustrating.
Does she know that she can’t get pregnant having anal sex? I just can’t conceive of not wanting to have SOME form of pleasure and it sounds like she is using it as an excuse. to have do any mutual masturbation, oral, or whatnot because it makes her horny and in her mind, there is nothing but vaginal penetration? I’m seeing a red flag…
She tried anal with her last boyfriend and she said it just hurt and has no desire to try it ever again (and I don’t really want to either, never really titillated me in concept).
Oral doesn’t do anything for her, and her clitoris lost feeling from masturbating so much when she was young that she’s the only one who can stimulate it, it involves some weird squeezing pinching thing that seems like it should hurt, so I can’t help her masturbate since I can’t do whatever incredibly specific technique she developed (and this isn’t a lie either, I’ve seen her do it, I can’t fathom the hand motions she makes, especially since she has to clench her lower muscles in some specific way and rhythm with her hand to get it to work right). She also breaks out laughing if I do oral on her because she thinks it looks embarrassing and ridiculous.
We did try masturbating together a couple weeks ago, but I believe her about the inflammation thing because she kept itching down there for the next two days afterwards, it seems to spread whatever rash or something it was all around that area. But again, she can’t go to the doctor because of transportation issues. It’s frustrating, but for now I’m going to believe that it’s just irritation killing her sex drive, though it doesn’t explain why she keeps making me horny.
Also, kinda long:
I think she might also feel embarrassed about being horny, but she won’t admit it. When she gets horny there is nothing else to her, and (this has only happened to her past boyfriends, not me) there have been four incidences she sort of regrets. Basically once she was studying with a boyfriend and a mutual friend, mutual friend started showing interest and she rubbed him through his pants because she never had any guy pay attention to her throughout highschool and purportedly “did not know how to deal with multiple guys giving her attention” but her boyfriend never stepped in and stopped her even though he was right there. The second time her boyfriend was playing a card game and she was horny and he wouldn’t stop so she went to a (different) mutual friend’s place (without this intention, just to hang out), things led into another and she handjobbed him. With her second boyfriend her first one kept bugging her about whether it just hurt when they had sex because he was never allowed to fully break her hymen or if was just him, and she was really horny that day and slept with him once so he could see (conclusion: it still hurt). Then the last time she went to a friend’s dorm that she sort of had a crush on and her bf was busy and she was horny and she gave him a handjob. So I think she might be embarrassed about getting horny because she feels like a whore because of what she’s done in the past while horny. This isn’t too much of an issue anymore because her mom is really bad with money and couldn’t pay off her college tuition so she’s at her mom’s house instead of the dorms and doesn’t have access to college boys anymore. And she seems really regretful now so I don’t think she’d do it again.
I just talked to her because I took her to her gynecologist appointment in July (she already had this rash then but it wasn’t as bad) and she said that she asked the gynecologist and she said not to worry about it and it was nothing. But I’m getting worried that if it WAS nothing that it’s NOW something if it’s lasted this long. But her mom is a total flake and won’t take her anywhere, and it’s an 8 hour drive for me to get to her town, get to the town with her doctor, back to her town, and back home which I can’t do with school. I’m worried though.
Yes, a doctor. Also, a therapist. To be blunt, her behavior sounds like someone who was abused at a very young age (formative/developmental age) and got her sense of boundaries, self, self-esteem, and comfort with her own body completely screwed up. It’s nothing that couldn’t be worked through, but she would have to be willing. And if she’s not, then expect this current status quo to be what it’s like for the rest of your relationship with her. And you’re going to need to decide if you can live with that.
My partner travels a lot on business, but when he’s in town we do it on average about twice a day. Our all-time record is 14 times in 24 hours . . . but we were m-u-u-u-u-ch younger then.
It’s too bad “View Poll Results” doesn’t depict the multiple voting. For example, I’d be curious how many who checked “More than once a day” also checked “Male - I want MORE sex, please.”
And age should enter into it. I might have checked “More” - “More” 30-odd years ago, but I’ve cut back somewhat (and would have cut even more without that miracle drug in the blue diamond-shaped pills ).
Fucking ow is what it is. I don’t know how it was still enjoyable after the first 8 or 10 times. I hope you gave each other time for the chafing to heal after that.
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