Woman does not belong to a dating site, checks out the guys. Find one she is really interested in. She signs up and designs her profile to appeal specifically to him.
A friend of mine’s now-wife did this. I don’t know to what degree she exaggerated or even lied to make sure she hit all the right marks, and in the end they were obviously a good match, since they are now married.
But this has always struck me as both kinda flattering and cool, yet kinda manipulative-stalkery-creepy.
I am not certain how long they were together before she told him, I just texted someone who knows to find out.
I think something like this needs to be judged by the intent and the outcomes. Stalkery-creepy people are about control and manipulation and they won’t stop just because they get a ring on their finger.
Overall, I’ll vote on the cool side. As long as you’re not misrepresenting the truth, profile design is always about trying to attract a certain demographic. Having a demographic of 1 is not very common, but if that’s what you want, then go for it.
I’d say it depends a lot on how much she exaggerated or lied. Like for example, let’s say that he’s really into the Yankees, and goes to several games a year and watches a lot of the games on TV. If she has some interest in baseball and goes to a few games a year and maybe watches some games on TV if friends are watching, then it’s not creepy if she rounds up and exaggerates her interest in the Yankees, and goes through her Facebook pictures and finds a cute one of her from last year when she went with friends to a game. But if she has no interest in them, and has never been to a game, it would be creepy for her to buy a Yankees jersey and fake her interest just to get his attention.
Also, it would depend on how much her real personality still was visible in her profile. Everyone tailors their dating profiles to be their best, and to get attention, and exaggerate or distort things in ways. But if I was reviewing a friend’s profile, and I did not recognize the person described and pictured in the profile at all as my friend, and that the profile was purely a projection of a certain guy’s dream woman, I would be a bit creeped out and concerned about my friend.
Also, it would be more creepy if they didn’t hit it off at first and she kept trying to get his attention. Like if she didn’t get a match with him, and so she took down her profile and created a total new one that she thought was a better fit for him and hoped he didn’t remember her previous profile, then that would be getting creepy.
Yep as long as she isn’t lying about anything I don’t have a problem with it. If she’s lying she may be able to keep up the act for a few years but sooner or later her true self will finally come out.
I dated someone for a while who midway through our relationship told me that he did just that. Not that he lied about things (that I know of), but that he knew certain interests & qualities would catch my eye in particular, and so he played it up. He said it very matter-of-fact, and I took it as a compliment, albeit a little peculiar.
We were happy at the time, so I didn’t think much of it. That being said, once the decline and inevitable break-up happened, I started seeing other behavior that struck me as odd.
(He nonchalantly said “I love you” for the first time, walking to the car after brunch, and I was taken aback, since a) we’d had a few drinks, and; b) it was just so casually said, I thought he made a Freudian slip. A few seconds of pause, while I processed the information, and he quickly took it back, saying he didn’t mean to say that.) Despite my efforts in trying to be more attentive / affectionate / accessible, he started pulling away, and things fizzled out, where I found out that he’d been saying some rather rude & untrue things behind my back as to why we broke up. Luckily, he had a reputation about lying about break-ups, so nobody took any stock in what he said. He’s tried to be my friend since, and we’re civil / talk via IM over the course, of the day, but I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him.
He’s now in a relationship where, less than a month in, they opened a joint bank account for trips / vacations. He moves fast.
So, I don’t think it’s inherently creepy, but I would definitely keep my eyes open for other “strange” behavior.
It’s no different than catering your cover letter and resume to a specific job description. There’s nothing wrong with the strategy unless it doesn’t work.
Also, does the husband know? Is the OP the only one besides the wife who knows this?
(If something happens & we all get calls from that Creepy Keith Morrison Dateline Guy, I’m going to be Really pissed… )
I don’t find it creepy, but it seems more often than not destined to fail (though in this case it worked, so good for them). Isn’t it just an online version of presenting yourself as the person you think the object of your desire wants as opposed to who you really are? Goodness knows I think most have done this to some degree at some time IRL, and it doesn’t usually turn out well. Sorry to ramble, I vote neither creepy or flattering, just not ideal.
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