Actually, that’s a point - are the hosts/majority of the guests immigrants or 2nd generation Americans by any chance?
I know that with my husband’s (filipino) family, you’re considered early if you arrive within a half hour after the official start time. Most people don’t show up until an hour and a half after the start time, and the parties will often last until 2 or 3 am with karaoke and poker. This can be for any event from a child’s 4th birthday party to Thanksgiving/Christmas.
A lot of ethnic groups just don’t consider prompt timing to be important.
For a barbeque?
Sometime before 7. But I picture a barbeque as buffet style eating, wandering around and talking. And I don’t expect food to be served so much as available.
I totally agree! When I have a BBQ, I don’t care if guests arrive three hours late…just pull out some food from the fridge and throw it on the grill. What is the big deal? And most (but, granted, not all) people have gas grills today, so it is no biggie to fire up the grill again for late-comers, or for those who might just want another hot dog or burger.
Now, if someone invites me to a sit-down dinner at 8:00, that is a whole 'nother story and I will be on time, or a bit early.
But seriously, isn’t the whole point of a BBQ to relax and sort of eat when you are hungry and hang around and drink and chat? I consider a BBQ the same as a cocktail party…you get there when you get there.
That said, I ALWAYS have my parties with a start time and an END time. In other words, I will say the BBQ is from 6 to 10. Thus, if you show up at 10:30 and the food is packed away and there is no beer and only one half bottle of wine left and I am washing dishes, don’t blame me…but as long as there is food and drink, and I am not too tired, come on in and let’s go another round!
Just remembered a great story on showing up on time for a party.
It was in Berlin.
Huge birthday party, rich dude, nice large apartment.
Invite insisted we must arrive at 7:00PM!
Got there shortly before 7 and there must have been 30 people in the apartment.
Food was spread out in the dining room, but was told not to touch it yet as “not everybody has arrived to see how it is presented.”
So, we all wait until all the guests arrive to see this “presentation”. By about 7:30 everybody showed up.
Still, nobody allowed to eat.
Then, at about 8:15PM, while people are beginning to starve to death throughout the apartment, the host actually rings a little bell and announces we may now eat.
There was a mad dash to the buffet table and it looked like refugees being thrown rice from a helicopter.
In my extended family, saying 6 usually means everybody shows up between 6 and 7. Dinner is usually planned that way with at least an hours mingling before you sit down.
Hell - almost all set times are variable by up to an hour. I usually try to let people know when I (for some reason or other) won’t be on time though.
It depends. If I’m told, lets have a BBQ, see you around 6pm, I’d show up sometime between 6 and 7pm expecting to spend an hour or two drinking prior to eating. If I’m told “we’ll be eating at 6pm” I’d be there between 4-5pm for the drinking. Any specific arrival time would over-ride these assumptions, i.e., “we’re having a BBQ at 6pm, see you after 5.”
If it’s family/friends and I know they’ll want me to help, 5:30 - I’ll ask them when I receive the invitation whether I should be there even earlier to help.
If I absolutely know they won’t want my help, or if I don’t know them, between 5:00 and 5:15.
My mother used to organize these Spiritual Exercises (it’s sort of a Catholic Meet-and-pray Camp) and she’d give different starting times to different people, based on what their idea of “punctual” was. There were some to whom she’d say “6 o’clock” if she wanted them there at 8 o’clock. This was in Spain, where Labor Law defines “occasionally arriving less than 15 minutes late to work” as NOT being late to work.
To me, if someone mentions a time, that’s when they want you to show up. In your example, I’d probably show up at 6.
I was invited to a BBQ about a month ago and was told that they were going to ‘get started’ at about 11AM. I showed up at 11 and was immediately asked to make a grocery store run. No problem and not really unexpected. However, at 2PM the meat still hadn’t made it to the grill and I left.
Depends on who is hosting. If it’s a Brazilian BBQ thrown by my Brazilian (and other Hispanic/Latinos/minorities) friends, I know I can leave house at 6pm, pick up a friend, go to the supermarket, buy meat and drinks, get to the party, and we will still be the first ones (or close to that), at around 6:30 to 7pm (I’ve done it).
If it is organized by Americans, I try to be there as soon as possible, between 6pm and 6:30pm (especially if I’m bringing food of my own).
I actually show up at 6. I’m the first one there and the host/hostess is still getting ready. I usually drink a beer and wait by myself while the others slowly trickle in.
I would show up around 6:10-6:15 for a 6:00 barbecue, but I’d steel myself against the possibility of being the only one there. I wish people would actually show up on time to things, but I’ve had to mostly let it go with my friends. For a dinner party, they actually can show up on time.
I have a friend who always shows up right on time to my casual events, and then is always surprised that he’s the first one there (by a good 20 minutes, usually). I don’t make fun of him for being on time; I wish everyone would. I make fun of him (good-naturedly) for always being surprised that he’s the first one there.
When I invite people to a BBQ I’ll tell them I’m starting the first around 4, meat on around 5 and food served around 6. I’ll follow that schedule and they can show up whenever they want. This is typically by how good of friends we are.
When I’m invited I’ll show up on time if not a little early unless its some one who won’t mind me helping in the kitchen. Of course now that I’m in New Mexico people seem to leave for the BBQ at the time they’re supposed to arrive, it drives me a little nuts but I’m starting to act accordingly.
And you won’t show up early if they would use your help in the kitchen? I’m so confused.
As for running late in New Mexico… that’s just how we roll, man. It’s kind of nice when you’re used to it.
Indeed. When I spent time with friends from Colombia, they were often 3 or 4 hours late. Once, when we were supposed to go on an all day sight-seeing jaunt, they showed up a full day late!
You show up earlier if they don’t need help?