Being earlier then everyone else, yeah, but that’s the only use of “early” I can get on board with in this case.
I don’t get some of the responses… this whole “6pm really means 6:20, 6:30, 7:00”. This is a real sickness. It’s like this sick little game we have in society only to humiliate and praise certain individuals for the first hour of the party. It’s social belittling at its best.
Why say 6 if you do not mean it?
I would have to say that you were late and then say you were just as late as I expect everyone else to be. Living in New Mexico and Arizona I will say that my friends and family are always late by at least 20-30 mins to an hour. I am the “wierd one” :rolleyes: in my family because I show up early or exactly on time. I hate being late and would rather be like many others saying that I am one of those buddies that ends up helping.
If I am told the BBQ starts at 6 I am usually enroute by 530 with beer or liquor and a cooler half filled with Ice. I will call to see what else the host needs or forgot so I can stop on the way. There is almost always someone who shows up with beer and no cooler so there is always a need my spare and for Ice.
It really depends on who is doing the inviting. I’m more punctual with dinner dates, but barbecues tend to allow a little more leeway. When I barbecue, food is ready when it’s ready. I can’t time pulled pork or spare ribs down to the minute, so if I say come at 6 p.m., that means the food will be ready anywhere from 6:30 to 9:00 p.m. Appetizers, of course, will be immediately served. And the beer will be free flowing. However, if I say come at 6, I really do mean, please, come at 6, have a few beers and relax before the party is in full swing. If you come at 6:30 or 7:00 p.m. for barbecue, you’re not late by any stretch of the imagination.
Now, if I invite you for a slightly more formal dinner party, I consider a half hour’s grace reasonable. But I still try to plan these things so there’s like a “cocktail hour” (6-7 p.m.) with dinner is served at 7 p.m. That seems to be the easiest way to deal with people who are perpetually late, who get stuck in traffic, etc.
If I am invited for dinner at 7, I assume it means dinner at 7, unless I know the host does things my way or otherwise clarifies.
I’d try to show up between 6 and 6:15, and I’d call if I were going to be later than that. I do tend to show up closer to the 6:15 mark, though, if I’m timing it properly, because I like to give the hosts and extra couple of minutes in case they needed to run out for a last minute item, had a cleanup issue, or whatever.
What’s people showing up early, though? I have people over a decent bit, and I’d never say anything to individuals that do it, but people who show up more than 15 minutes early for things make me stabby. I’ve had friends show up hours early for parties before, while the place is only half-cleaned, I’m busily vacuuming and my husband’s out picking up a couple of extra things. (I tend to wait until the bulk of the food prep is done to finish cleaning, so that I don’t have crumbs and veggie peels all over the place.)
I will admit that I’m slightly neurotic about people seeing the place when it’s dirty, but still. (Obviously, this doesn’t apply to anyone traveling any distance, as it’s hard to estimate that closely.)
Another it depend on who’s throwing the party guest here.
5:30 if it’s a friend that I can expect to help set up and bs with a head of time.
6 to 6:15 if I expect to only be there as a guest.
Depends on the group, but for the most part my friends and coworkers are the kind who throw “drop in any time” kinds of parties. So if the “start time” is 6pm, 6:20 sounds like about the right time to get there. The last couple parties we went to at a work friend’s house, we’ve gotten there at about 6:20 and we were the first people there other than her family.
I think the disconnect here is that when many of us talk about a party, we mean a sort of open house kind of format. In that context, it seems way too rigid to imagine everyone showing up exactly at 6pm. (And I’m with Vihaga: earlier than that is a BIG no-no. The host/ess may still be preparing before that time or may have gotten the house and food ready but jumped in the shower last minute and is going to be naked and dripping wet if you show up at 5:30… depending on your relationship with the host/ess, that might be a good thing 
, but in general, in our group do NOT show up early.)
Now if someone worded the invitation as “we’ll be having a cocktail hour from 5-6 and a sit-down dinner will be served at 6” then we’d certainly be there before 6. (My work’s holiday party is this format and we all understand that and act appropriately.) And if I’m meeting someone for dinner and we agree to meet at x restaurant at 6, then I’ll be there at 6. But that’s very different than the kind of “open house” party that I think the OP’s friends were throwing and that we (my group of friends and I) tend to have.
Ya . . . ummm . . . this is why I shouldn’t post in the mornings. I only show up early if they will let me help the “just sit over there and have a beer” people drive me nuts. I have no problem putting guests to work.
I think I’m used to it but what’s driving me nuts is figuring out how late to be because it seems too early means there’s no beer and too late means all the beer is gone. I’ve started bring my beer with me.
I’m with the majority. I host 2-3 parties like that every year. We usually hold then on Sunday afternoons. We’ll always give the start time at 1 PM. But I know that some people want to go home and change out of their church clothes. So, we expect people will be there by 2. We start cooking at 2 and the food is ready by 3. From 1-3, we’ve got chips and salsa and maybe some other stuff. I make my first batch of margaritas around 1:15.
If you need to come early, as some people do, that’s fine. I just let you know up front that we’re cleaning and setting things up. The TV will probably be on a sports channel, so hang out and enjoy.
I’d probably get there around 8:00 or so, maybe later if it’s scheduled to go on into the night.
I think that making fun of one’s guests is rude. We don’t let our 4-yr-olds do that.
Man, I read this and I was like, if we have a barbecue (or any party, dinner whatever) scheduled for a certain time, you can be guaranteed that everybody shows up almost an hour late.
Honestly none of us are bothered by it really; it’s just the way we all are. My family doesn’t stress too much about lateness either. We feel like unless you’re catching a plane, train, show or something where you’d disturb people you don’t know, 45 minutes to an hour late is sort of factored in.
See, the best part about waiting a long time for dinner is the extension of drinks and snacks time!! 
If I call a barbecue for 6:00, that means that I will be prepared to receive you at 6:00. Arriving exactly at 6 would be a little odd, but acceptable. Showing up earlier than that is incredibly rude. I can’t imagine that anyone would really show up at 5:30 for a 6:00 party! (The exception would be for people who are specifically coming over to help.)
I’d probably show up for a 6:00 barbecue at 6:30. If I were having one, I’d expect guests to arrive between 6:15 and 7-ish. And I wouldn’t really care when they showed up. I’d just be happy to see 'em.
That said, the “friend” in the OP is way out of line. Meeting up with someone or getting together with just a few people is a different situation than a casual party like a barbecue.
Appetizers gone? Does not compute. Is it customary in your social circle to provide so little food that the snacks would be gone in 20 minutes?
What do you mean? So far we had responses that stated; if you’re early, you’re rude; if you’re on time, you’re odd;if you’re 10-15 minutes late, you’re on time; if you show up an hour late, you’re right on time. It’s bat shit insane behavior. It’s already been noted that the OP was given shit for being late, but earlier then everyone else. It’s dumb. Why else would we label people this way, if it wasn’t for another way to make fun of people?
There’s nothing insane about it. Different groups of people have different norms for different behaviors, this shouldn’t exactly be a news flash. The idea that one should be “fashionably late” is not a new one, you know. A great deal of social interactions are similarly counterintuitive, and if you run around calling everyone insane for engaging in them, you probably won’t have the problem of dealing with them for much longer.
When I invite people over for a meal I invite them to arrive early-ish. Regardless of how I invite them I try and give them an idea of the schedule. 6 pm BBQ means things start at 6 (please don’t show up early, last thing i need or want is a helpful bumbler in my well organized kitchen schedule)… on the other hand you shop up at 8… well, there MIGHT be some cake left…don’t expect steak and potatoes and fresh salad.
Basically get it straight with your host by asking a few questions …
Can I bring anything? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but the answer will tell you what is expected at 6 pm, 7 pm, 8 pm etc
(and feel free to ask) How late will this run? Unless you are totally socially clueless, the “shut down time” will tell you about the nature and timing of the party. If it is 6 PM to “when ever”, expect that many will arrive after the big meal… as the eating part of the evening is only part of the fun… if they say 9 pm, don’t bring two 26’s of jack daniels…
FML
Usually, about 5:45-5:55.
I used to feel a strong need to get places at the appointed time, only to repeatedly be the first to arrive, finding the hosts rushing around doing last minute prep. I now think up to 20 minutes after the appointed time is pretty much on-time. If you are going to be a half hour late, you should give the host a call.
Of course a lot has to do with the group, the size and the nature of the event. For a BBQ/cookout, I assume the appointed “start” time is not the time the main meal is served. In my social circle folks are usually invited to come an hour or so before food is going to be ready. If someone is a little tardy and misses some of the cocktails/hors’douvres (sp?), no big deal.
One should NEVER appear even a minute early - even if it means parking down the block and waiting in the car. But if someone invites you for 6, and makes fun of you for being early when you show up at 6:20 - that person is a dick.
600-605. If you don’t want me arriving at 6, don’t announce that the event starts at 6.
I think the big lesson to learn from all these different answers is about expectations. Everyone is happy when everyone has the same expectations. If you’re the host, make your expectations clear; if you’re a guest, clarify the expectations. And don’t mock your guests. That’s never cool.