I’d be there between 5:55 and 6:10pm. If I wanted to come early to help set up, I’d arrange a specific time. If I was going to be late, I’d call as soon as I knew I’d be late, and I’d anticipate that the food would either be all gone or cold, and it’d be my own damn fault for being late.
If anyone deliberately showed up an hour late to my 6pm party because it’s “just a BBQ”, it’s a casual event among friends, they want to come when the party’s in full swing, etc., they wouldn’t be invited back. Similarly, if I invite you over at 6pm, I will have everything ready to eat by 6:30pm at the latest. It’s rude for hosts and guests alike to keep the other waiting.
If I’m invited to a “6:00 Barbecue,” I’m there within 5 minutes of the stated time.
If you show up at my house at 8:00 for a 6:00 barbecue, you (a) won’t get any food, and (b) won’t get invited back.
When I have an “open-house” barbecue, show up any time in the stated range (I’ll usually say “come on over for a barbecue between 2:00 and 7:00,” or something similar.
Many of my barbecues are potluck. I provide the meat, someone else brings beer, someone else brings salad, and so forth. If you show up an hour late, EVERYBODY will be pissed at you (especially if you’re bringing beer). That’s just unspeakably rude.
My social circle is very casual. There’s never a sit-down dinner with a formal start time, but plenty of grilling parties where the grilling happens off and on the whole time, as needed. There’s an official start time given that means “don’t show up before this time,” but after that people just come and go as they want to and nobody cares. Just wander in and get some food, have a drink, whatever. Oh, you brought something to throw on the grill? Awesome, I’m sure other folks will want some. I can’t imagine anyone getting made fun of for showing up anytime after the official start time.
With family dinner parties, people are rarely on time in my family. Some of us might get there within 15 minutes or so of the start time, but it can take an hour or so to get everyone there. Whoever is hosting has nibbles and drinks around so we don’t starve while waiting to see which family memeber is latest – my sister, my grandmother, and my great-aunt are usually the late ones, but it’s been like this for decades and it’s just expected. Nobody ever serves extremely time-sensitive meals at these gatherings because we’re not fancy in the first place, and because it would be lame to only serve it to half the number of people it was prepared for.
I NEVER want anyone to show up early. I can guarantee you that I won’t have things ready, and earlyness stresses me out.
I’ve found a good rule of thumb for Brazilian gatherings is to add two hours, and even then you may well be the first arrival. Any earlier and even the hosts may not be there yet.
Exactly. If I’m meeting my parents for dinner, I’m going to be on time, but if I’ve been invited to a party thrown by friends, I’ll only show up on time if I know them well and wouldn’t feel awkward making small talk and hanging out in the kitchen with them. If I don’t know the host very well I’ll show up within an hour of the stated time, so as to be sure others will already be there before me.