That’s the same thing really, only even more distasteful, so I’ll kindly ask you to move into the “appropriate” room along with SHAKES so I can keep track of this (don’t mind the smell, it’s just a moldy old room).
I just want to reiterate that that’s not how I chose to read my friend’s comment but I still find it distasteful.
I was drinking too, so my memory is a bit hazy. When she mentioned her water bra, my buddy leapt into action and grabbed her boob. My girlfriend kind of stuck her chest out, allowing it and even making it slightly easier for him to get a feel. Because of that, I didn’t mind a squeeze. However, a few squeezes later she started shifting her shoulders around, trying to get him to stop. He had a death grip on that boob, though. That’s when I said line and he went away. Pretty harmless drunk stuff really, but still crossing the friend/girlfriend line as far as I’m concerned. I saw he was embarassed about it and chose not to bring it up again.
So… she was OK with it, but you weren’t. This and the whole “that’s MY girlfriend, dude!” thing seems a little possessive to me; if we were talking about something other than a human being capable of answering for itself, then “that’s MY car!” or “that’s MY dog!” ("…dude!" optional), it would be different.
Oh, please. When she was okay with her (sticking out her chest), I was okay with it. When she got uncomfortable (starting shifting her shoulders around to escape), I got uncomfortable. I’m not the jealous and possessive type, but you’re right that I don’t like seeing other guys, friends or not, grabbing her boobs.
For the record, the “MY” emphasis and exclamation point are YOUR little additions. I said it pretty non-aggressively, like a declaration more than anything. Mostly I said it like “she’s obviously trying to get away, so would you please let her?” The “dude” part was used like suggested above, making sure he still knew he was my buddy (again, sorry for using “my” there… I know you hate that word).
‘Oh Please’ yerself. You could have just explained. And you know nothing about what, if anything, I hate.
Yes, if I jokingly asked the question for the purpose of teasing said friend about his “joke advert” I would take that response as an appropriate JOKE.
In this woman’s humble opinion:
– If I wouldn’t appreciate a joke answer related to Valentine’s day, dating, and sex, I wouldn’t have asked the joke question in the first place
– If for some reason, the answer was so over the top that it did manage to offend me (not the case for the answer in the OP, but hey, everyone has different standards) I’d raise the issue with the friend myself and not run and tattle about it.
She asked a simple question, he gave a simple answer. If this is the worst thing that ever happens in the relationship-lives of all the people involved, they are all blessed.
You and the girlfriend overreacted to a simple, harmless joke. Grow up.
Something I haven’t seen asked yet:
Does the guy actually KNOW your girlfriend’s IM name, like by heart?
Or is it possible that he answered the IM and only THEN realized who he was talking to (if then)?
I’ll help this along by confessing that I once mistook a fairly good acquaintance’s AIM name for my former roomie’s AIM name (they were very similar long names, both German words, and started with the same letter), had an extremely explicit, even vulgar, flirting conversation going on-- which came to a screeching halt when I mentioned something about his habit of spending time occupying our apartment’s bathroom for an hour making himself look nice, and was answered with “what are you talking about? I’ve never lived with you.”
DOH! :smack: slink, slink, slink
Corr
I think I’ve already been banished to “Appropri-itmo,” but I just wanted to say if you get on your friend for saying something like this, you run the risk of telling the world that you’re boxing up a class, if you know what I mean. And once guys decide you’re with someone who’s out of your class, you can expect a lot of offers for dinner, movies and sex to start coming in.
PS: When do we get to see our lawyers?
My GF was not offended.
Point taken.
No, that wasn’t the case…
After thinking about it some more I realise I handled the situation very poorly and have some mending to do. I suppose I reacted this way out of a strong sense of loyalty for my friends but it was stupid to put him against the wall over a joke.
No worries, it’s just a case of mis-communication and differing expectations. Such is the source of most of the miserly in the world. Luckily, it’s also the source of most really really funny stories.
Everyone has their own different comfort zones and it’s very easy for people to walk back and forth across themwithout realizing it. Really, the responsibilities are twofold.
If you’re telling the joke, make an attempt to know your audience and gauge their comfort levels. If you’re hearing the joke the joke, keep in mind that the person who just stepped across your comfort level probably didn’t mean to and even more probably, has no idea that they did. If it’s just a one-time thing, ignore it or give them a subtle hint. If it happens more then once just tell them straight out, “hey, don’t take this the wrong way but and I know you didn’t mean it like that, but that sort of joke just isn’t my style. If it’s your thing fine but I’d appreciate if you’d tone it down a bit around me [or around person X].”
Finally, if your hearing a comment second-hand and the original audience wasn’t offended, just leave it alone. People can be expected to attempt to know their audience but it’s a bit much for them to anticipate their audience’s audience.
As illustrated by my earlier comment re “butt sex” I find great joy in wholly inappropriate comments tossed into absurd contexts and delivered in a straight-forward manner. Thus, “I would take you to my mother’s where we would stuff our nose-pockets with weasle burritos” also carries with it the same level of amusement. However, “butt sex” is shorter and simultaneously indulges my preference for random sexual commentary. As with anything, I have to tailor my comments to which members of my circle of friends, co-workers, and or strangers are present.
Now to give a personal example that somewhat parallels your own situation. Mostly to demonstrate that, even when you know all of this it’s still quite easy to slip up.
I once found myself in a spot very similiar to your friend’s. A good friend of mine would frequently stop by my place for beer, darts and off-color humor. Eventually, we were joined by his girlfriend [call them B and R] and settled into a regular habit of beer, darts, and off-color humor populated with a plethora of comments re boobs, male/female genitalia, and of course promises of sexual favors in as reward for particularly good shots or visa versa, blowing a game; none of which were ever intended to be taken at all seriously. Finally, the night would be capped off with drunken trivial pursuit. It was an odd group. Good times were had by all, no one was offended or threatened. At one point however, we were joined by a young lady that I was seeing at the time [call her T]. We [B, R and I] naturally fell into old habits, had a great time and assumed that everything was going just grand.
Unfortunately, after several weeks of this I found out that T had become very bothered by the comments I had directed at R, developed the idea that I was secretely attracted to R and of course was more then a little jealous. Naturally, fight ensues.
It all comes down to perception. I found the idea of anything between R and I fairly ludricrous [a lovely lady to be sure, but it’s one of those what?? but?? how could you think that??]. B knew that R felt likewise and wasn’t threatened. Similiarly, R knew that B wasn’t threatened and thus felt free to stretch her proverbial wings and enjoy a nice verbal sparring session.
However, T knew none of this. Nor could she have known, despite the fact that it had become obvious to the rest of us. Now, in the end it all woked out. R and I toned things down until T felt more secure and then eventually we resumed but this time with T joining in. Much Merry was had by all. Thankfully, Merry didn’t mind in the least.
I don’t see the big deal. Of course, I and my friends have joked like that with each other’s girlfriends/wives for years. I guess we’re just not that insecure about our relationships.
Anyone else reminded of the Kids in the Hall sketch, The Friendly Couples?
My only advice is just don’t bring up lamps.
I had a brain fart. I don’t care anymore about the joke, it seems such a small thing. Different strokes and all that. It makes me uncomfortable because (and it took me a while to realize this) it’s the kind of move he would put on a girl but I’m sure he thought it was harmless and I know he would never betray my trust and I’m embarrassed by my reaction. I also thought I could talk openly about this kind of stuff with him but a) I couldn’t and it kind of spiralled into a (very short) full blown confrontation and b) I was way too wound up. I could blame it on some weird stuff that is going on in my life right now but the truth is I suck. I wish this was the pit so I could say how I really feel about myself.
But really, I had and I do and I probably lost a good friend.
And this thread helped me to put this back into perspective by the way. I would have gotten there myself (eventually) but thanks anyway.
Your friendship isn’t over because of this. Guys recover quick. Offer to take him out for a beer. Apologize. Drink 2 pitchers each. Things’ll be fine.